00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 Translated By The Community Of WWW.MY-SUBS.COM 1 00:00:01,461 --> 00:00:03,531 [Sighs] The weekend is dragging. 2 00:00:03,594 --> 00:00:04,976 When is it gonna be Monday already? 3 00:00:05,047 --> 00:00:06,480 Jury duty's the best. 4 00:00:06,549 --> 00:00:08,382 Grape-Nuts are delicious. 5 00:00:08,484 --> 00:00:10,985 What? Aren't we saying things no one has ever said before? 6 00:00:11,087 --> 00:00:12,486 Oh, I have one. 7 00:00:12,555 --> 00:00:14,221 "Hey, Mom, Dad, I got an 'A.'" 8 00:00:14,290 --> 00:00:16,090 [Laughs] 9 00:00:16,192 --> 00:00:17,157 Monday is the start 10 00:00:17,226 --> 00:00:18,659 of my first official week of tenure. 11 00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:21,028 Oh, that's right! Congratulations! 12 00:00:21,097 --> 00:00:22,596 Best part... I get all these perks, 13 00:00:22,665 --> 00:00:24,164 like a corner office, an assistant, 14 00:00:24,233 --> 00:00:25,799 and a key to the executive bathroom. 15 00:00:25,835 --> 00:00:27,101 No more waiting to get home to poop! 16 00:00:27,169 --> 00:00:28,869 I'm so happy for you. 17 00:00:28,971 --> 00:00:29,937 - Whatcha looking at? - [Computer bloops] 18 00:00:30,039 --> 00:00:31,138 I need a new outfit 19 00:00:31,207 --> 00:00:33,007 because Ashley Clark is coming through town, 20 00:00:33,075 --> 00:00:34,508 and I'm having breakfast with her on Monday. 21 00:00:34,610 --> 00:00:35,676 Who's Ashley Clark? 22 00:00:35,745 --> 00:00:38,245 She used to be my assistant at my old job. 23 00:00:38,314 --> 00:00:39,913 But after I had you, I got so busy, 24 00:00:39,982 --> 00:00:42,182 she was promoted, and we became co-workers. 25 00:00:42,251 --> 00:00:44,518 And then, after I had Oliver, I went down to part-time, 26 00:00:44,620 --> 00:00:45,986 and she became my boss. 27 00:00:46,088 --> 00:00:48,288 And then, because of your father's latex allergy, 28 00:00:48,424 --> 00:00:50,424 we had Anna-Kat, and... 29 00:00:50,526 --> 00:00:51,759 Your mom stopped working. 30 00:00:51,861 --> 00:00:52,860 You're still working. 31 00:00:52,928 --> 00:00:54,795 Being a mom is the hardest job of all. 32 00:00:54,820 --> 00:00:55,763 Attaboy! 33 00:00:55,865 --> 00:00:57,131 What's Ashley up to these days? 34 00:00:57,199 --> 00:00:59,733 She's still at the company, and past that, I don't know. 35 00:00:59,835 --> 00:01:01,935 But I do know I need to look better than this. 36 00:01:02,004 --> 00:01:05,039 Taylor, fishing for a compliment over here. 37 00:01:05,141 --> 00:01:06,707 Would a "you go, girl" work? 38 00:01:06,809 --> 00:01:09,043 - Sure. - You go, girl! 39 00:01:10,346 --> 00:01:12,212 Okay, it's between the pink sweater 40 00:01:12,314 --> 00:01:13,380 and the blue sweater. 41 00:01:13,482 --> 00:01:16,216 Which one says "I decided to have three kids, 42 00:01:16,318 --> 00:01:18,018 and you got the career I always wanted, 43 00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:19,820 but I'm happy with my choice"? 44 00:01:19,922 --> 00:01:21,822 - Are you regretting your choice? - No. Maybe. 45 00:01:21,924 --> 00:01:23,457 Depends on the day. 46 00:01:23,559 --> 00:01:25,559 Just help me pick out the right sweater. 47 00:01:25,661 --> 00:01:28,028 You never know. It might make all the difference. 48 00:01:28,130 --> 00:01:31,031 Okay, the pink one. 49 00:01:31,056 --> 00:01:32,076 [Ding] 50 00:01:32,101 --> 00:01:40,174 ♪ 51 00:01:40,743 --> 00:01:41,975 KATIE: Crap! 52 00:01:42,078 --> 00:01:43,777 Do I look like a bottle of Pepto-Bismol? 53 00:01:43,879 --> 00:01:44,878 You don't look like Pepto-Bismol. 54 00:01:44,980 --> 00:01:46,280 Whoa, can you hear me? 55 00:01:46,348 --> 00:01:47,948 If you can read my thoughts, 56 00:01:48,050 --> 00:01:49,983 sorry about all that dirty stuff with Chris Hemsworth. 57 00:01:50,086 --> 00:01:51,251 Don't worry. You look great. 58 00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:53,921 My imaginary affair with Thor continues. 59 00:01:54,023 --> 00:02:00,994 ♪ 60 00:02:01,097 --> 00:02:02,963 [Speaking in reverse] 61 00:02:03,032 --> 00:02:04,732 ♪ 62 00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:06,333 Just help me pick out the right sweater. 63 00:02:06,469 --> 00:02:08,702 You never know. It might make all the difference. 64 00:02:08,804 --> 00:02:13,140 Okay, then, the blue one. 65 00:02:13,165 --> 00:02:14,218 [Ding] 66 00:02:14,243 --> 00:02:22,883 ♪ 67 00:02:22,952 --> 00:02:24,384 Stop worrying. You look great. 68 00:02:24,453 --> 00:02:25,853 [Brushing teeth] 69 00:02:25,921 --> 00:02:29,823 ♪ 70 00:02:29,925 --> 00:02:32,226 Ohh... 71 00:02:32,294 --> 00:02:34,561 Damn it! 72 00:02:34,663 --> 00:02:38,132 This day is gonna be great! 73 00:02:38,234 --> 00:02:40,134 This day's gonna be crap! 74 00:02:40,189 --> 00:02:41,682 ♪ 75 00:02:41,768 --> 00:02:44,503 Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.MY-SUBS.com 76 00:02:46,709 --> 00:02:49,543 ANNA-KAT: Mama! 77 00:02:49,645 --> 00:02:51,345 What is it, baby? 78 00:02:51,447 --> 00:02:52,513 Aww! 79 00:02:52,615 --> 00:02:55,315 You made a train out of Legos 80 00:02:55,417 --> 00:02:56,917 and derailed it. 81 00:02:57,019 --> 00:03:00,387 Yup, the 417 to Fresno. No survivors. 82 00:03:00,489 --> 00:03:02,322 Can you help me with my shoe? 83 00:03:02,391 --> 00:03:03,757 The lace is all knotted. 84 00:03:03,826 --> 00:03:05,793 Anna-Kat, how many times have I told you, 85 00:03:05,895 --> 00:03:08,095 you need to take better care of your clothes? 86 00:03:08,124 --> 00:03:09,140 I don't know. 87 00:03:09,165 --> 00:03:10,898 5 times? 500 times? 88 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:13,100 It all kind of runs together when you speak. 89 00:03:13,202 --> 00:03:14,201 [Chuckles] 90 00:03:14,303 --> 00:03:15,869 You caught me on a good day, 91 00:03:15,971 --> 00:03:17,971 so I am going to show you 92 00:03:18,073 --> 00:03:20,574 how to use an envelope as a shoehorn. 93 00:03:20,676 --> 00:03:22,009 Is this a life-hack? 94 00:03:22,111 --> 00:03:23,811 Because I love life-hacks. 95 00:03:23,913 --> 00:03:25,979 The video where the guy uses his sunglasses... 96 00:03:26,081 --> 00:03:27,381 - Mm-hmm... - as a phone stand 97 00:03:27,483 --> 00:03:28,482 blew my mind. 98 00:03:28,584 --> 00:03:30,851 Take the envelope, stick it in the shoe, 99 00:03:30,953 --> 00:03:34,655 and then put your foot on the envelope, and... 100 00:03:34,757 --> 00:03:36,423 [Gasps] 101 00:03:36,525 --> 00:03:38,759 Not that I ever think you guys are getting divorced... 102 00:03:38,861 --> 00:03:40,594 - Mm-hmm... - but if you do, 103 00:03:40,696 --> 00:03:42,429 I want to move in with you. 104 00:03:42,498 --> 00:03:44,198 Aww! 105 00:03:44,300 --> 00:03:46,934 Realistically, I can't have her full-time. 106 00:03:47,036 --> 00:03:50,404 Mama! 107 00:03:50,506 --> 00:03:51,872 [Sighs] Ow! 108 00:03:51,974 --> 00:03:53,140 Anna-Kat! 109 00:03:53,175 --> 00:03:55,409 Don't leave your stupid Legos on the stupid floor! 110 00:03:55,477 --> 00:03:57,778 I can't put on my shoe because the laces are knotted. 111 00:03:57,880 --> 00:03:59,479 - I need help. - I'm not in the mood for this. 112 00:03:59,548 --> 00:04:01,114 What about my shoelaces? 113 00:04:01,183 --> 00:04:03,016 What about my life, Anna-Kat?! 114 00:04:03,118 --> 00:04:06,820 What about my life?! 115 00:04:06,889 --> 00:04:09,356 Not that I think you guys are ever getting divorced, 116 00:04:09,425 --> 00:04:11,558 but if you do, I want to live with Dad! 117 00:04:11,660 --> 00:04:14,361 Good! 118 00:04:14,463 --> 00:04:22,703 ♪ 119 00:04:22,805 --> 00:04:25,939 Say one word, and you're spending the night in a closet. 120 00:04:26,041 --> 00:04:27,107 ♪ 121 00:04:27,209 --> 00:04:28,342 [Sighs] 122 00:04:28,410 --> 00:04:30,010 Are you guys ready? I have to drop you off 123 00:04:30,079 --> 00:04:31,378 and meet my friend for breakfast. 124 00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:33,280 I'd be ready, but she's been hogging the bathroom! 125 00:04:33,382 --> 00:04:35,549 You're the one hogging the bathroom with your long showers! 126 00:04:35,618 --> 00:04:36,950 I don't take long showers! 127 00:04:36,986 --> 00:04:39,286 For skin this smooth, it takes as long as it takes. 128 00:04:39,388 --> 00:04:41,488 Okay, guys, let's take a breath. 129 00:04:41,590 --> 00:04:43,924 Oliver, your showers are quite long. 130 00:04:43,993 --> 00:04:45,893 I mean, there's just not that much to clean. 131 00:04:45,961 --> 00:04:48,028 Let's pivot to another topic, shall we? 132 00:04:48,097 --> 00:04:49,129 Fine. 133 00:04:49,231 --> 00:04:50,130 I am in a good mood, 134 00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:51,531 so I'm gonna make you a deal. 135 00:04:51,634 --> 00:04:54,368 If you two stop fighting for the rest of the day, 136 00:04:54,470 --> 00:04:56,637 I'll give you each 40 bucks. 137 00:04:57,840 --> 00:05:00,107 I love and cherish these moments we have together. 138 00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:02,809 I am blessed to have you as my sibling. 139 00:05:02,912 --> 00:05:05,012 Did you medicate the kids without clearing it with me? 140 00:05:05,114 --> 00:05:07,180 Actually, don't answer. I don't want to know. 141 00:05:07,249 --> 00:05:09,950 I need the room. 142 00:05:10,052 --> 00:05:11,184 [Sighs] 143 00:05:11,220 --> 00:05:12,219 Why aren't you guys ready?! 144 00:05:12,321 --> 00:05:13,287 You're gonna make me late! 145 00:05:13,355 --> 00:05:15,088 I have to meet my friend for breakfast! 146 00:05:15,190 --> 00:05:17,124 I'd be ready, but she's been hogging the bathroom! 147 00:05:17,226 --> 00:05:18,692 You're the one hogging the bathroom 148 00:05:18,761 --> 00:05:21,328 with your long showers. 149 00:05:21,430 --> 00:05:22,963 Mom didn't say anything. She just left. 150 00:05:23,065 --> 00:05:24,331 Maybe she's finally leaving us 151 00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:26,166 to go to Mexico to become a surf instructor, 152 00:05:26,235 --> 00:05:27,334 like she always threatens. 153 00:05:27,436 --> 00:05:30,137 You two picked the wrong day for this crap! 154 00:05:30,239 --> 00:05:32,940 I am forcing you to get along. 155 00:05:33,008 --> 00:05:35,575 The rest of the morning, you are attached at the wrist. 156 00:05:35,678 --> 00:05:37,144 I don't want him in my selfies! 157 00:05:37,246 --> 00:05:39,246 Yeah, and why do you have handcuffs in your bedroom? 158 00:05:39,348 --> 00:05:41,181 It's from a costume party. Don't worry about it. 159 00:05:41,283 --> 00:05:43,083 Hey, guys, what's going on? 160 00:05:43,152 --> 00:05:45,085 Why are the kids wearing our handcuffs? 161 00:05:45,187 --> 00:05:46,119 I mean handcuffs. 162 00:05:46,188 --> 00:05:48,689 Dad, I think they're called ham-cuffs. 163 00:05:48,757 --> 00:05:51,158 - Yeah, ham-cuffs. - Hand-cuffs. 164 00:05:51,260 --> 00:05:53,026 - Right. Ham-cuffs. - [Groans] 165 00:05:53,128 --> 00:05:57,497 ♪ 166 00:05:57,566 --> 00:05:59,633 It's Teacher Planning Day again? 167 00:05:59,735 --> 00:06:02,002 Why didn't any of you say something? 168 00:06:02,104 --> 00:06:04,171 Guys, are we raising ourselves? 169 00:06:04,273 --> 00:06:05,105 Nope! 170 00:06:05,207 --> 00:06:06,907 It's because you're the mom. 171 00:06:07,009 --> 00:06:10,777 Ugh! An unscheduled day alone with my kids? 172 00:06:10,879 --> 00:06:13,146 You know what? I'm gonna make the best of it. 173 00:06:13,248 --> 00:06:15,215 I'm gonna turn this pee into lemonade. 174 00:06:15,317 --> 00:06:16,383 I think that's the saying. 175 00:06:16,485 --> 00:06:20,420 ♪ 176 00:06:20,522 --> 00:06:21,688 [Scoffs] 177 00:06:21,790 --> 00:06:23,457 Why are you doing this to me?! 178 00:06:23,525 --> 00:06:24,825 I have an important breakfast! 179 00:06:24,927 --> 00:06:26,793 I can't be stuck with my kids today! 180 00:06:26,895 --> 00:06:27,761 Ugh! 181 00:06:30,399 --> 00:06:31,898 Please don't tell me the handcuff key 182 00:06:32,001 --> 00:06:33,200 was on that key chain. 183 00:06:33,302 --> 00:06:35,302 [Chuckles] Oh, it was. 184 00:06:35,404 --> 00:06:36,436 You're happy about that? 185 00:06:36,538 --> 00:06:39,873 Yes! At least now we're all miserable! 186 00:06:41,669 --> 00:06:44,059 Hey, honey. School's canceled because of 187 00:06:44,122 --> 00:06:45,589 stupid, made-up "Teacher Planning Day." 188 00:06:45,657 --> 00:06:47,290 Way to knock down public-school teachers. 189 00:06:47,359 --> 00:06:49,094 Those folks have been riding high too long. 190 00:06:49,157 --> 00:06:50,824 Teacher Planning Day is the worst, Greg. 191 00:06:50,926 --> 00:06:52,258 But I'm making the best of it. 192 00:06:52,327 --> 00:06:54,360 I'm bringing the kids with me to meet Ashley. 193 00:06:54,463 --> 00:06:56,229 How is your first day of tenure going? 194 00:06:56,323 --> 00:06:58,073 Well, since you asked, 195 00:06:58,142 --> 00:07:00,108 my new corner office isn't quite what I pictured. 196 00:07:00,211 --> 00:07:01,176 What's wrong with it? 197 00:07:01,245 --> 00:07:03,011 It's small, and three different janitors 198 00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:04,847 have come in looking for plungers. 199 00:07:04,949 --> 00:07:07,149 I'm pretty sure, 48 hours ago, this was a supply closet. 200 00:07:07,184 --> 00:07:08,650 Can't you just ask for a new office? 201 00:07:08,752 --> 00:07:09,885 It doesn't work that way. 202 00:07:09,954 --> 00:07:11,286 Office space goes by seniority, 203 00:07:11,355 --> 00:07:12,788 so I have to wait till somebody dies, 204 00:07:12,857 --> 00:07:13,922 which could take a while. 205 00:07:13,991 --> 00:07:15,791 Professor Bailey is 76, but last year, 206 00:07:15,860 --> 00:07:17,759 he competed on "American Ninja Warrior." 207 00:07:17,828 --> 00:07:19,027 He made it up the warped wall and everything. 208 00:07:19,129 --> 00:07:20,762 What about your new assistant? 209 00:07:20,865 --> 00:07:22,698 Bossing someone around must be fun. 210 00:07:22,723 --> 00:07:23,633 GREG: Mm... 211 00:07:23,667 --> 00:07:25,067 I know I'm your assistant, 212 00:07:25,135 --> 00:07:26,935 but I feel a solid bromance brewing. 213 00:07:27,004 --> 00:07:29,538 You know what, the litter box should go in that corner. 214 00:07:29,607 --> 00:07:32,140 We're getting a cat! [Squeals] 215 00:07:32,209 --> 00:07:34,109 I feel like I've already failed to establish boundaries. 216 00:07:34,178 --> 00:07:35,644 In a relationship, 217 00:07:35,679 --> 00:07:37,813 only one of you is allowed to have a bad day. 218 00:07:37,882 --> 00:07:40,716 The one that's having less of a bad day has to step up. 219 00:07:40,784 --> 00:07:41,884 Okay, honey, calm down. 220 00:07:41,952 --> 00:07:43,886 The kids and I will swing by to cheer you up 221 00:07:43,954 --> 00:07:45,454 after my breakfast with Ashley. 222 00:07:46,724 --> 00:07:48,290 This is now a professor's office. 223 00:07:48,392 --> 00:07:49,892 Yeah. 224 00:07:49,994 --> 00:07:51,894 Greg, I'm having the worst day. 225 00:07:51,996 --> 00:07:54,129 How can I make Ashley think things are awesome 226 00:07:54,198 --> 00:07:56,398 if I dragging around these three life-killers? 227 00:07:56,500 --> 00:07:58,000 Also, I lost my keys. 228 00:07:58,068 --> 00:07:59,034 And to top it all off, 229 00:07:59,103 --> 00:08:00,936 our cabbie is stopping at yellow lights 230 00:08:01,038 --> 00:08:02,604 like a total wuss! 231 00:08:02,706 --> 00:08:05,073 You thought you could stay quiet and keep out of this tornado? 232 00:08:05,142 --> 00:08:06,642 Well, you were wrong. 233 00:08:06,744 --> 00:08:08,377 How's your first day of tenure going? 234 00:08:08,479 --> 00:08:09,645 GREG: Uh... 235 00:08:12,383 --> 00:08:14,182 A couple of little hiccups over here, 236 00:08:14,251 --> 00:08:15,551 but your stuff is worse, 237 00:08:15,653 --> 00:08:16,585 so don't worry about me. 238 00:08:16,654 --> 00:08:17,953 I'll come home early and cheer you up. 239 00:08:18,022 --> 00:08:20,956 - They give you a horn for a reason! - [Horn blaring] 240 00:08:21,025 --> 00:08:23,559 Hey, Prius, get in the bike lane, where you belong! 241 00:08:23,661 --> 00:08:26,194 ♪ 242 00:08:26,230 --> 00:08:27,296 Sugar for your coffee? 243 00:08:27,398 --> 00:08:28,363 Thanks, bro. 244 00:08:28,432 --> 00:08:31,199 Our bond will truly last a lifetime. 245 00:08:31,268 --> 00:08:32,935 How much? 246 00:08:33,003 --> 00:08:34,436 40 bucks apiece. 247 00:08:34,505 --> 00:08:35,904 Don't judge me. 248 00:08:35,973 --> 00:08:39,007 Mama. I got my juice. 249 00:08:41,078 --> 00:08:43,645 Katie Otto? 250 00:08:43,747 --> 00:08:46,248 Ashley Clark! 251 00:08:46,350 --> 00:08:48,483 It has been way too long! 252 00:08:48,586 --> 00:08:50,419 Ohh! 253 00:08:50,487 --> 00:08:51,987 You look amazing! 254 00:08:52,056 --> 00:08:53,488 - [Scoffs] - Tell me everything. 255 00:08:53,591 --> 00:08:56,792 - Honestly, Ash, life is great. - [Chuckles] 256 00:08:56,860 --> 00:08:59,628 These are my little angels... 257 00:08:59,730 --> 00:09:03,065 - Taylor, Oliver, and Anna-Kat. - Morning. 258 00:09:03,133 --> 00:09:05,000 - Pleased to meet you. - Madame. 259 00:09:05,069 --> 00:09:08,737 Katie, you have a beautiful family, and so polite. 260 00:09:08,806 --> 00:09:09,738 - [Chuckles] - What's your secret? 261 00:09:09,807 --> 00:09:12,674 Lots of love. Not money. 262 00:09:12,743 --> 00:09:14,309 Mama, I can't get this open. 263 00:09:14,411 --> 00:09:15,677 No problem, honey. 264 00:09:19,316 --> 00:09:20,182 [Lid pops] 265 00:09:20,284 --> 00:09:22,050 Now try. 266 00:09:24,188 --> 00:09:26,922 The rubber band helps you grip. 267 00:09:27,024 --> 00:09:29,424 - Another life-hack! - Mm-hmm. 268 00:09:29,526 --> 00:09:31,059 This lady. 269 00:09:31,161 --> 00:09:32,427 Oh, my God. 270 00:09:32,463 --> 00:09:34,830 She's so cute, she just made my IUD fall out. 271 00:09:34,932 --> 00:09:36,531 [Both chuckle] 272 00:09:36,634 --> 00:09:37,599 Do you have kids? 273 00:09:37,668 --> 00:09:39,401 No, no, I never settled down. 274 00:09:39,503 --> 00:09:40,636 I'm always traveling for work. 275 00:09:40,661 --> 00:09:41,580 - Mm. - [Chuckles] 276 00:09:41,605 --> 00:09:43,438 It's all your fault, you know. 277 00:09:43,540 --> 00:09:45,173 When you left the company, 278 00:09:45,275 --> 00:09:47,217 I started climbing the ladder, and I never stopped. 279 00:09:47,295 --> 00:09:48,076 [Chuckles] 280 00:09:48,112 --> 00:09:49,678 I have a boat that I never go out on. 281 00:09:49,780 --> 00:09:51,279 Pier fees are killing me. 282 00:09:51,382 --> 00:09:52,681 And... Ohh! [Gasps] 283 00:09:52,783 --> 00:09:54,383 Oh, come on! 284 00:09:54,451 --> 00:09:56,551 I just bought this suit! 285 00:09:56,654 --> 00:09:58,253 Gah! 286 00:09:58,355 --> 00:10:00,589 That was so sad. 287 00:10:00,691 --> 00:10:02,491 Totally. 288 00:10:02,559 --> 00:10:05,360 Pier fees are getting out of control. 289 00:10:05,462 --> 00:10:07,262 ♪ 290 00:10:07,331 --> 00:10:09,398 - TAYLOR: Stop it! - No, you stop it! 291 00:10:09,433 --> 00:10:10,866 Why would you agree to meet her on Teacher Planning Day 292 00:10:10,934 --> 00:10:12,501 wearing a shredded sweater? 293 00:10:12,569 --> 00:10:15,537 Angela, so help me, I will smash this tiny jam jar on your forehead. 294 00:10:15,639 --> 00:10:17,806 Jam her! Jam her! Jam her! 295 00:10:17,908 --> 00:10:20,342 Mom, tell Oliver to stop it. 296 00:10:20,444 --> 00:10:22,044 What are you fighting about now? 297 00:10:22,146 --> 00:10:24,413 I want to drink my coffee, but Oliver won't budge. 298 00:10:24,481 --> 00:10:28,050 Taylor, use your other hand. 299 00:10:28,152 --> 00:10:29,818 Oh! 300 00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:33,221 Why didn't you tell me that? 301 00:10:33,323 --> 00:10:34,289 Cut it out! 302 00:10:34,391 --> 00:10:36,391 Okay, fine. You can have it. 303 00:10:36,493 --> 00:10:38,293 I promise I won't jerk my hand this time. 304 00:10:40,831 --> 00:10:41,563 Bitch. 305 00:10:41,665 --> 00:10:44,566 Mama, I got my juice. 306 00:10:44,635 --> 00:10:45,400 Whoa! [Gasps] 307 00:10:45,502 --> 00:10:46,268 [Both gasp] 308 00:10:46,336 --> 00:10:49,237 What the hell, Anna-Kat?! 309 00:10:49,339 --> 00:10:51,540 I tripped on my shoelace because you wouldn't help me! 310 00:10:51,642 --> 00:10:52,808 You ruined my sweater! 311 00:10:52,843 --> 00:10:54,776 And you ruined my first-grade diorama. 312 00:10:54,845 --> 00:10:56,611 That's right. I forget nothing. 313 00:10:58,582 --> 00:10:59,815 Katie Otto? 314 00:10:59,883 --> 00:11:01,850 Hide the handcuffs or die. 315 00:11:01,952 --> 00:11:04,152 Ashley Clark! [Chuckles] 316 00:11:04,254 --> 00:11:05,220 Keep an eye on things. 317 00:11:05,322 --> 00:11:07,422 If it goes bad, get me out of here. 318 00:11:07,491 --> 00:11:09,357 [Both chuckle] 319 00:11:09,460 --> 00:11:11,393 It has been way too long! 320 00:11:11,495 --> 00:11:13,061 Look at you. 321 00:11:13,130 --> 00:11:15,964 Oh, I would totally hug, but this is a new suit, so... 322 00:11:16,066 --> 00:11:17,032 Oh. 323 00:11:17,101 --> 00:11:18,533 - So, Katie. - Mm-hmm? 324 00:11:18,635 --> 00:11:19,835 Tell me everything. 325 00:11:19,937 --> 00:11:21,703 [Chuckling] Well... 326 00:11:21,772 --> 00:11:24,673 Honestly, Ash, life is great. 327 00:11:24,775 --> 00:11:27,809 But earlier, you said you hate your horrible, stupid life. 328 00:11:27,878 --> 00:11:29,211 She's playing opposite day right now. 329 00:11:29,313 --> 00:11:30,345 No, I'm not. 330 00:11:30,447 --> 00:11:31,379 The girl's consistent. 331 00:11:31,482 --> 00:11:32,814 So, are those your other two? 332 00:11:32,916 --> 00:11:35,283 I have to go to the bathroom. 333 00:11:35,385 --> 00:11:36,284 Hey! 334 00:11:36,353 --> 00:11:37,819 I'm not watching you pee! 335 00:11:37,921 --> 00:11:39,454 It's either pee in there or pee out here. 336 00:11:39,556 --> 00:11:41,423 Your choice! 337 00:11:41,492 --> 00:11:42,591 - Ohh! - [Glasses shatter] 338 00:11:42,693 --> 00:11:44,092 [Gasps] 339 00:11:44,128 --> 00:11:47,329 No. The other two are out feeding the homeless. 340 00:11:47,397 --> 00:11:48,797 Mom, he's trying to make me watch him pee! 341 00:11:48,899 --> 00:11:50,165 [Chuckling] Oh! 342 00:11:50,267 --> 00:11:51,833 There they are. 343 00:11:51,935 --> 00:11:54,236 Are they... handcuffed together? 344 00:11:54,338 --> 00:11:57,339 - So, what about you? - Oh. 345 00:11:57,441 --> 00:11:59,341 Are you married? Do you have kids? 346 00:11:59,443 --> 00:12:01,143 No, I have a boat and lovers. 347 00:12:01,245 --> 00:12:03,879 I have a minivan and Greg. 348 00:12:03,981 --> 00:12:05,747 So, how long are you in town for? 349 00:12:05,816 --> 00:12:07,382 Well, I'm in Westport till Wednesday 350 00:12:07,451 --> 00:12:08,617 to pitch to Martha Stewart. 351 00:12:08,719 --> 00:12:11,920 And then I go to New York to do a TED Talk. 352 00:12:11,989 --> 00:12:13,388 That sounds amazing. 353 00:12:13,490 --> 00:12:15,657 To be honest, Katie, I owe it all to you. 354 00:12:15,759 --> 00:12:17,058 How so? 355 00:12:17,127 --> 00:12:19,528 You were the one in line for all those promotions. 356 00:12:19,596 --> 00:12:20,572 I mean, just think, 357 00:12:20,604 --> 00:12:22,137 if you didn't have these three... 358 00:12:22,232 --> 00:12:23,365 - Mm-hmm... - you'd be me. 359 00:12:23,467 --> 00:12:25,600 [Both laugh] 360 00:12:25,702 --> 00:12:26,802 Can you imagine? 361 00:12:26,870 --> 00:12:28,370 That is so funny! 362 00:12:28,472 --> 00:12:29,604 [Both laugh] 363 00:12:29,673 --> 00:12:31,206 Uh, should we jump in? 364 00:12:31,308 --> 00:12:32,941 No. I think we already missed our moment. 365 00:12:33,043 --> 00:12:34,176 We should probably leave. 366 00:12:34,278 --> 00:12:35,844 Yeah, but then Katie will be stuck with the check. 367 00:12:35,946 --> 00:12:37,813 So? She's already gonna be pissed at us. 368 00:12:37,915 --> 00:12:40,048 - Good point. Let's bounce. - Yeah. 369 00:12:40,150 --> 00:12:42,117 ♪ 370 00:12:42,186 --> 00:12:44,019 I knew you were in a bad mood, so I brought you 371 00:12:44,121 --> 00:12:45,754 People Magazine's Crossword Puzzle Book. 372 00:12:45,856 --> 00:12:46,922 It always helps your self-esteem. 373 00:12:47,024 --> 00:12:48,857 Damn right it does. I could do it in ink. 374 00:12:48,959 --> 00:12:51,092 - What happened here? - Can't. 375 00:12:51,195 --> 00:12:52,194 You've got the kids. 376 00:12:52,296 --> 00:12:53,395 I'm going upstairs 377 00:12:53,497 --> 00:12:57,098 to imagine our children are a 27-foot catamaran. 378 00:12:57,167 --> 00:12:59,734 [Sighs] 379 00:12:59,837 --> 00:13:04,873 ♪ 380 00:13:04,975 --> 00:13:09,978 ♪ 381 00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:12,414 I think I'm having a mid-life crisis. 382 00:13:12,516 --> 00:13:13,648 Ohh. 383 00:13:13,750 --> 00:13:15,684 My life is awesome! 384 00:13:15,786 --> 00:13:16,854 My life sucks! 385 00:13:23,635 --> 00:13:25,238 Did your breakfast date really go that badly? 386 00:13:25,309 --> 00:13:27,943 It was a disaster. 387 00:13:28,045 --> 00:13:31,580 Ashley is a big CEO who travels the world. 388 00:13:31,649 --> 00:13:33,349 She's a success, 389 00:13:33,417 --> 00:13:37,130 and I missed my opportunity to become a success, too. 390 00:13:37,201 --> 00:13:38,634 Katie, you are a success. 391 00:13:38,669 --> 00:13:40,202 Your opinion doesn't matter. 392 00:13:40,271 --> 00:13:42,013 You think I'm sexy after I eat a Bloomin' Onion. 393 00:13:42,115 --> 00:13:43,714 Well, I love you. 394 00:13:43,783 --> 00:13:45,716 And the way you look in that Outback Steakhouse lighting, 395 00:13:45,818 --> 00:13:46,984 come on, I'm only human. 396 00:13:47,053 --> 00:13:49,620 [Both laugh] 397 00:13:49,689 --> 00:13:52,390 I'm trying to feel sorry for myself. 398 00:13:52,425 --> 00:13:54,992 So if you can't get onboard with the pity party, get out. 399 00:13:55,061 --> 00:13:56,794 How can I help? 400 00:13:56,863 --> 00:14:00,331 Build a time machine and a tolerance to latex. 401 00:14:02,168 --> 00:14:05,436 ♪ 402 00:14:05,505 --> 00:14:06,871 It seems only fair that the person 403 00:14:06,939 --> 00:14:08,439 who has the handcuff on their right hand 404 00:14:08,491 --> 00:14:09,440 loses their thumb. 405 00:14:09,509 --> 00:14:11,042 - Anna-Kat, chop-chop. - On it. 406 00:14:11,110 --> 00:14:12,910 No one's losing their thumb, Anna-Kat. 407 00:14:13,012 --> 00:14:15,313 Okay, Mom's having a bad day, and so am I. 408 00:14:15,381 --> 00:14:16,747 But I'm not allowed to have my bad day 409 00:14:16,816 --> 00:14:18,082 until I first fix her bad day. 410 00:14:18,184 --> 00:14:19,283 And you're gonna help me. 411 00:14:19,352 --> 00:14:21,285 How are we supposed to do that with these things on? 412 00:14:21,354 --> 00:14:23,454 Anna-Kat, I need to borrow a bobby pin. 413 00:14:23,556 --> 00:14:25,089 Yeah... Hey! 414 00:14:25,158 --> 00:14:27,758 That's it. There we go. 415 00:14:27,827 --> 00:14:30,394 Wow, Dad. Where'd you learn to do that? 416 00:14:30,463 --> 00:14:32,930 I figured it out one night when your mom and I... 417 00:14:32,999 --> 00:14:34,632 YouTube. 418 00:14:34,734 --> 00:14:37,702 ♪ 419 00:14:37,727 --> 00:14:38,579 Hi! 420 00:14:38,604 --> 00:14:40,237 We have guests! 421 00:14:40,340 --> 00:14:42,139 I knew you were in a bad mood, 422 00:14:42,241 --> 00:14:44,842 so we brought you some unsalted nuts. 423 00:14:44,944 --> 00:14:46,277 Because they're your favorite, 424 00:14:46,379 --> 00:14:48,112 - and your happiness is important to us. - ANNA-KAT: Mm-hmm. 425 00:14:48,137 --> 00:14:49,190 How much are you paying them? 426 00:14:49,215 --> 00:14:51,615 - We're up to $60. - What is he doing? 427 00:14:51,684 --> 00:14:53,451 He's in a highly competitive charades league. 428 00:14:53,519 --> 00:14:55,019 He likes to practice in his free time. 429 00:14:55,088 --> 00:14:56,153 [Hisses] 430 00:14:56,222 --> 00:14:58,055 - "Jurassic Park"! - Nailed it! 431 00:14:58,157 --> 00:14:59,657 You know, I used to be lonely. 432 00:14:59,726 --> 00:15:01,992 Now I have all of you. My new family. 433 00:15:02,095 --> 00:15:03,394 Now I have a place to go for Christmas! 434 00:15:03,496 --> 00:15:04,228 Mm! 435 00:15:04,330 --> 00:15:05,863 [Chuckles] 436 00:15:05,965 --> 00:15:07,698 I need some air. 437 00:15:08,801 --> 00:15:12,703 So your office is a little claustrophobic. 438 00:15:12,772 --> 00:15:14,238 You always love getting MRIs. 439 00:15:14,340 --> 00:15:16,207 I worked so hard for tenure, and now that I have it, 440 00:15:16,309 --> 00:15:18,743 I feel like I'm starting at the bottom all over again. 441 00:15:18,778 --> 00:15:21,746 And I built up the executive washroom in my head too much. 442 00:15:21,848 --> 00:15:23,547 - Like, it's fine. - Mm-hmm. 443 00:15:23,649 --> 00:15:26,450 There are these fancy soaps that are not candy. 444 00:15:26,519 --> 00:15:27,651 Right. 445 00:15:28,755 --> 00:15:31,055 I'm gonna take a walk. 446 00:15:31,157 --> 00:15:33,357 ♪ 447 00:15:33,459 --> 00:15:35,760 [Grunts] 448 00:15:35,862 --> 00:15:38,129 "Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire." 449 00:15:38,231 --> 00:15:39,463 Yes! I'm so good! 450 00:15:39,532 --> 00:15:43,000 We need to find a way to lift your dad's spirits. 451 00:15:43,069 --> 00:15:44,001 I'm in. 452 00:15:44,103 --> 00:15:45,336 Taylor? Oliver? 453 00:15:45,405 --> 00:15:47,004 - How much? - How much? 454 00:15:47,106 --> 00:15:48,706 You want to get paid to help your father? 455 00:15:48,808 --> 00:15:51,275 He's the greatest man I have ever known. 456 00:15:51,377 --> 00:15:52,643 When you get a chance to help him, 457 00:15:52,712 --> 00:15:54,011 you seize the opportunity. 458 00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:57,148 I had a chance like that once, and I let it slip away. 459 00:15:57,216 --> 00:15:59,817 Oakland. Summer of '98. 460 00:15:59,886 --> 00:16:02,753 Black smoke fills my childhood bedroom. 461 00:16:02,855 --> 00:16:05,089 And where there's smoke... 462 00:16:05,191 --> 00:16:06,624 there's fire. 463 00:16:06,726 --> 00:16:07,858 "Grant! 464 00:16:07,927 --> 00:16:11,028 Your stepfather's trapped upstairs!" 465 00:16:11,130 --> 00:16:12,563 "I'm on it!" 466 00:16:12,632 --> 00:16:15,132 But the flames. There's flames everywhere. 467 00:16:15,201 --> 00:16:18,068 "Mama, I can't! The flames are in the way! 468 00:16:18,171 --> 00:16:20,137 Mama, the flames are stopping me!" 469 00:16:20,239 --> 00:16:22,373 Inspirational story, Grant, 470 00:16:22,475 --> 00:16:24,542 but I got this. 471 00:16:24,644 --> 00:16:28,279 Taylor, Oliver, I should have never gone easy on you two. 472 00:16:28,347 --> 00:16:31,949 You are gonna stop being selfish and help me cheer him up. 473 00:16:32,051 --> 00:16:33,117 Come on. 474 00:16:33,219 --> 00:16:36,420 Let's go. 475 00:16:36,489 --> 00:16:37,455 [Sighs] 476 00:16:37,523 --> 00:16:39,223 You got to tell me how that story ends. 477 00:16:39,248 --> 00:16:40,301 Yadda, yadda, yadda, 478 00:16:40,326 --> 00:16:42,893 now Daddy gets jumpy at barbecues. 479 00:16:42,995 --> 00:16:44,462 ♪ 480 00:16:44,530 --> 00:16:46,997 "Honey, I 'Blanked' the Kids." 481 00:16:47,099 --> 00:16:50,134 Sold? Abandoned? Misplaced? 482 00:16:50,236 --> 00:16:52,236 - Katie. - I'll come back to it. 483 00:16:52,305 --> 00:16:53,904 Go away. I'm wallowing. 484 00:16:53,973 --> 00:16:55,405 Ashley Clark's life is a fraud! 485 00:16:55,483 --> 00:16:56,574 OLIVER: At Stewart and Kingston's, 486 00:16:56,642 --> 00:16:59,443 Ashley kept bragging how awesome her life was. 487 00:16:59,512 --> 00:17:00,978 So much so, it seemed suspicious. 488 00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:02,880 So we took a deep dive into her social media 489 00:17:02,982 --> 00:17:04,381 and found this. 490 00:17:04,484 --> 00:17:06,884 You come in here just to show me her perfect fruit salad? 491 00:17:06,986 --> 00:17:08,552 It's all berries and mango. 492 00:17:08,654 --> 00:17:09,887 None of that honeydew garbage. 493 00:17:09,989 --> 00:17:12,423 No. Look across from Ashley Clark's food. 494 00:17:12,525 --> 00:17:13,691 There's no other place setting. 495 00:17:13,759 --> 00:17:15,693 There's hundreds of pics just like this. 496 00:17:15,795 --> 00:17:17,495 In all of them, she's eating alone. 497 00:17:17,597 --> 00:17:19,597 She is? Let me see that. 498 00:17:19,632 --> 00:17:21,332 And she's on four different dating sites. 499 00:17:21,434 --> 00:17:23,100 - All active. - No. 500 00:17:23,202 --> 00:17:24,702 Are you sure? 501 00:17:24,770 --> 00:17:26,770 We went on one of those background-check sites 502 00:17:26,873 --> 00:17:28,439 and found more good news. 503 00:17:28,541 --> 00:17:31,509 She was arrested for public intoxication in '08. 504 00:17:31,611 --> 00:17:33,711 So, doesn't the fact that Ashley regrets her life choices 505 00:17:33,736 --> 00:17:34,789 make you feel better? 506 00:17:34,814 --> 00:17:35,946 A little. 507 00:17:36,015 --> 00:17:37,615 But not as much as the fact 508 00:17:37,717 --> 00:17:40,417 that you guys rallied to cheer me up. 509 00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:42,186 So, you're in a better mood? 510 00:17:42,288 --> 00:17:44,054 Yes. 511 00:17:44,123 --> 00:17:46,524 Great. Now I can wallow. 512 00:17:46,626 --> 00:17:47,625 [Sighs] 513 00:17:47,660 --> 00:17:49,527 This bed is bigger than my office. 514 00:17:49,662 --> 00:17:53,797 ♪ 515 00:17:55,715 --> 00:17:57,067 What are you doing out here? 516 00:17:57,136 --> 00:17:59,103 Go on in. 517 00:17:59,205 --> 00:18:01,705 Ca-caw! Ca-caw! 518 00:18:05,711 --> 00:18:09,046 [Birds chirping] 519 00:18:09,115 --> 00:18:12,449 Wow, it looks so much better in here. 520 00:18:12,552 --> 00:18:14,251 I printed some family pictures online 521 00:18:14,353 --> 00:18:15,386 and made a collage. 522 00:18:15,488 --> 00:18:17,187 I convinced Grant to put his desk in the hallway. 523 00:18:17,290 --> 00:18:18,289 GRANT: Ca-caw! 524 00:18:18,357 --> 00:18:19,523 He's already in here! 525 00:18:19,625 --> 00:18:21,225 And I lit a vanilla candle 526 00:18:21,327 --> 00:18:23,260 to offset that pukey, moppy smell. 527 00:18:23,362 --> 00:18:26,530 So, what do you think? 528 00:18:26,599 --> 00:18:27,898 I love it. 529 00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:30,167 But I'm not sure this small office can fit so much joy. 530 00:18:30,269 --> 00:18:31,468 GRANT: I hear a lot of love in there! 531 00:18:31,571 --> 00:18:34,071 And Grant helped, too. 532 00:18:34,173 --> 00:18:36,173 Would it be a huge mistake to invite him for dinner? 533 00:18:36,242 --> 00:18:37,141 Yes, definitely. 534 00:18:37,243 --> 00:18:39,410 Guys, my ears are burning! 535 00:18:39,512 --> 00:18:42,746 Ha! Oh, my God, I sound just like my dad! 536 00:18:42,848 --> 00:18:43,948 Mm-hmm. 537 00:18:44,050 --> 00:18:45,215 ♪ 538 00:18:45,318 --> 00:18:46,884 [All cheer] 539 00:18:46,953 --> 00:18:49,186 Oh, thanks for inviting me over. [Chuckles] 540 00:18:49,288 --> 00:18:51,956 When you're part of the family, everyone's in it together. 541 00:18:52,024 --> 00:18:53,857 When someone else is having a bad day, 542 00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:56,794 it's your job to lift their spirits. 543 00:18:56,896 --> 00:18:58,562 [All cheering] 544 00:18:58,664 --> 00:19:01,665 Thank you so much for inviting me! 545 00:19:01,767 --> 00:19:03,734 And when you're having a bad day, 546 00:19:03,836 --> 00:19:06,236 you can rely on your family to lift you up. 547 00:19:06,339 --> 00:19:07,871 Having people who care about you 548 00:19:07,974 --> 00:19:11,108 is way more important than being the CEO of some company. 549 00:19:11,210 --> 00:19:12,810 Why are you still wearing that sweater? 550 00:19:12,912 --> 00:19:14,178 I paid for overnight shipping. 551 00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:15,779 I'm gonna be buried in this thing. 552 00:19:15,804 --> 00:19:16,791 [Laughs] 553 00:19:16,816 --> 00:19:18,749 ♪ 554 00:19:20,918 --> 00:19:22,331 Just help me pick out the right sweater. 555 00:19:22,418 --> 00:19:25,024 You never know. It might make all the difference. 556 00:19:25,118 --> 00:19:26,445 Okay, then... 557 00:19:26,525 --> 00:19:27,508 Uh, forget the sweaters. 558 00:19:27,574 --> 00:19:29,071 I like the green jacket. 559 00:19:30,071 --> 00:19:31,128 [Ding] 560 00:19:31,230 --> 00:19:38,038 ♪ 561 00:19:38,087 --> 00:19:40,187 Ohh. You look good. 562 00:19:40,267 --> 00:19:41,288 Thank you! 563 00:19:41,390 --> 00:19:43,591 Tell you what. Instead of meeting Ashley... 564 00:19:43,693 --> 00:19:45,259 [Drawer opens] 565 00:19:45,361 --> 00:19:48,329 I've got a better idea. 566 00:19:48,431 --> 00:19:49,930 I'll cancel my breakfast. 567 00:19:50,032 --> 00:19:51,498 [Handcuffs rattle] 568 00:19:51,601 --> 00:19:53,834 [Chuckles] 569 00:19:53,936 --> 00:19:56,203 ♪ 570 00:19:56,228 --> 00:19:57,148 [Sighs] 571 00:19:57,173 --> 00:19:58,572 I never should have gone 572 00:19:58,674 --> 00:19:59,940 with the green jacket. 573 00:20:00,042 --> 00:20:01,075 Hmm. 574 00:20:01,177 --> 00:20:02,643 [Speaking in reverse] 575 00:20:02,745 --> 00:20:05,813 ♪ 576 00:20:05,915 --> 00:20:07,114 You never know. 577 00:20:07,216 --> 00:20:08,782 It might make all the difference. 578 00:20:08,884 --> 00:20:11,418 ♪ 579 00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:14,288 Uh, I'll just find something on the floor of my closet.