00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
Translated By The Community Of WWW.MY-SUBS.COM
1
00:00:06,307 --> 00:00:07,439
Excuse me, I.D., please.
2
00:00:07,441 --> 00:00:08,273
I.D.?
3
00:00:08,275 --> 00:00:10,576
That's cute.
4
00:00:10,578 --> 00:00:12,378
I'm Jack Gordon.
5
00:00:12,380 --> 00:00:15,180
There's my I.D. right there.
6
00:00:15,182 --> 00:00:16,548
Where?
7
00:00:16,550 --> 00:00:19,184
There's one guy in the photo!
8
00:00:19,186 --> 00:00:21,453
Oh, you wish you were that guy!
9
00:00:22,623 --> 00:00:24,556
I didn't know they allowed
pets in the office now.
10
00:00:24,558 --> 00:00:26,325
Or is that one of those special dogs
11
00:00:26,327 --> 00:00:28,127
that weird people can take anywhere?
12
00:00:28,129 --> 00:00:31,163
You're not allowed to ask if it's an...
13
00:00:31,165 --> 00:00:33,298
(whispering): emotional support animal.
14
00:00:34,402 --> 00:00:36,235
(whispering): I think I have my answer.
15
00:00:36,237 --> 00:00:38,437
Jack Gordon?
16
00:00:38,439 --> 00:00:40,606
It is so incredible to meet you.
17
00:00:40,608 --> 00:00:42,541
I'm Clark, online content curator.
18
00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:45,511
Hi, Clark, obviously made-up job title.
19
00:00:45,513 --> 00:00:47,513
You're the reason I got
into outdoor journalism.
20
00:00:47,515 --> 00:00:48,447
I heard you were coming in today,
21
00:00:48,449 --> 00:00:49,648
so I reread your book!
22
00:00:49,650 --> 00:00:52,051
That's a penis.
23
00:00:52,053 --> 00:00:53,585
Mason! Sorry.
24
00:00:53,587 --> 00:00:56,121
Hey, do you mind stopping
by the digital department?
25
00:00:56,123 --> 00:00:57,389
I'm actually supposed to meet Roland, so...
26
00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:58,524
Oh nice, it's on the way.
27
00:00:58,526 --> 00:01:00,492
By the way, I got the same Moab boots
28
00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:02,261
you called "life savers"
29
00:01:02,263 --> 00:01:04,363
when you were stranded
in Denali National Park.
30
00:01:04,365 --> 00:01:07,332
Oh, you do a lot of mountain
climbing in midtown Chicago?
31
00:01:07,334 --> 00:01:08,500
None-- my feet
are crazy sweaty!
32
00:01:08,502 --> 00:01:09,568
Come on!
33
00:01:12,139 --> 00:01:15,140
Guys, this is the Jack Gordon!
34
00:01:15,142 --> 00:01:17,276
Jack, this is our social influencer, Emma.
35
00:01:17,278 --> 00:01:20,345
Oh, my God, you're a legend,
I can't believe you're here.
36
00:01:21,482 --> 00:01:23,382
That's actually pretty excited for her.
37
00:01:23,384 --> 00:01:25,284
And this is our digital
conversation specialist,
38
00:01:25,286 --> 00:01:26,552
Mason.
39
00:01:26,554 --> 00:01:27,870
Oh, Mason.
40
00:01:27,871 --> 00:01:29,187
It's nice to put a face to the penis.
41
00:01:29,190 --> 00:01:30,689
Not always.
42
00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:35,995
Uh...?
43
00:01:35,996 --> 00:01:37,396
Oh, let me help you with this pack here.
44
00:01:37,398 --> 00:01:38,430
Oh!
45
00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:41,100
The new EV-2!
46
00:01:41,102 --> 00:01:43,469
I didn't know this bad boy was out.
47
00:01:43,471 --> 00:01:45,170
(screaming)
48
00:01:45,172 --> 00:01:48,307
There's a sick kid in
there wearing a diaper.
49
00:01:48,309 --> 00:01:49,475
That's Zeb.
50
00:01:49,476 --> 00:01:50,642
He can't leave the tent for 30 days.
51
00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:52,211
We got a 24/7 video feed.
52
00:01:52,213 --> 00:01:54,113
Meals, bathroom, everything
53
00:01:54,115 --> 00:01:55,364
in that tent.
54
00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:56,614
Also, Zeb's demo-ing this new underwear
55
00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:57,967
that's so rad, they claim
56
00:01:57,968 --> 00:01:59,318
you don't have to change
them for two weeks.
57
00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:03,255
ZEB: Yeah, those aren't working out.
58
00:02:03,257 --> 00:02:06,225
And good news, we just had
our most retweeted online poll:
59
00:02:06,227 --> 00:02:08,660
"Best Outdoor Gear for
the Zombie Apocalypse."
60
00:02:08,662 --> 00:02:10,229
Yeah, nailed it!
61
00:02:10,231 --> 00:02:12,164
Can you guess the number
one zombie-killing tool?
62
00:02:12,166 --> 00:02:14,500
Uh, remembering zombies don't exist?
63
00:02:14,502 --> 00:02:16,301
No, it was tent spikes,
64
00:02:16,303 --> 00:02:19,338
but we didn't give you enough time.
65
00:02:19,340 --> 00:02:22,174
Oh, yes, tent spikes, you're so right,
66
00:02:25,679 --> 00:02:27,980
and so diverse.
67
00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:30,282
So, good luck with your curating
and pooping and genital photos.
68
00:02:31,418 --> 00:02:33,352
I'm gonna go see the guy
who runs the real magazine.
69
00:02:33,354 --> 00:02:35,554
I'll think of you on
my flight to Patagonia.
70
00:02:37,258 --> 00:02:38,524
Not as smart as he thinks.
71
00:02:38,526 --> 00:02:41,293
Patagonia's, like, three blocks away.
72
00:02:42,696 --> 00:02:44,630
Roland!
73
00:02:44,632 --> 00:02:45,497
Jack!
74
00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:47,449
Jack!
75
00:02:47,450 --> 00:02:49,400
Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack!
76
00:02:52,273 --> 00:02:55,507
"The bird a nest, the spider a web,
77
00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:58,510
man... friendship."
78
00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:03,415
"It takes two to make a thing go right."
79
00:03:03,417 --> 00:03:06,652
Oh, I've missed you, Jack.
80
00:03:06,654 --> 00:03:08,587
Sorry to have pulled you out of the wild.
81
00:03:08,589 --> 00:03:10,255
I know you don't like that.
82
00:03:10,257 --> 00:03:13,192
What can I get you to
restore your aging spirit?
83
00:03:13,194 --> 00:03:14,693
Oh, I'll have what you're having.
84
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:17,462
Then you'll be having your
third scotch of the morning.
85
00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:19,731
I never saw this.
86
00:03:19,733 --> 00:03:21,333
Your sherpa thanked you?
87
00:03:21,335 --> 00:03:22,568
Oh, Pasang, yes, yes.
88
00:03:22,570 --> 00:03:24,536
I carried him down K2.
89
00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:27,973
I get more credit for that
than I deserve, to be honest.
90
00:03:27,975 --> 00:03:29,508
It was either him or my backpack,
91
00:03:29,510 --> 00:03:32,711
and he weighed considerably
less than my pack.
92
00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:35,614
They are a tiny, tiny people.
93
00:03:36,650 --> 00:03:38,217
(sighs)
94
00:03:40,588 --> 00:03:43,589
Roland, you okay?
95
00:03:43,591 --> 00:03:44,823
Well, to be honest, Jack,
96
00:03:44,825 --> 00:03:47,226
not everything is rosy at the ranch.
97
00:03:47,228 --> 00:03:50,262
This month is our last print issue.
98
00:03:50,264 --> 00:03:51,563
The magazine is done?
99
00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:53,832
No, like Newsweek and many others,
100
00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:55,801
it will continue as a website.
101
00:03:55,803 --> 00:03:58,337
So the magazine is done.
102
00:03:58,339 --> 00:04:01,056
Not without a fight.
103
00:04:01,057 --> 00:04:03,774
To that end, I've considerably
beefed up our online resources.
104
00:04:03,777 --> 00:04:05,577
"Resources" is a strong word
105
00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:08,313
for the digital daycare
division I just met.
106
00:04:08,315 --> 00:04:10,449
Walk with me.
107
00:04:10,451 --> 00:04:12,751
My boy, you know how much
you mean to this magazine.
108
00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:15,554
This walk is suddenly
feeling very Green Mile to me.
109
00:04:15,556 --> 00:04:18,557
How can I best put it?
110
00:04:18,558 --> 00:04:21,559
There's a German folktale called
"Der Wolf Auf Seinem Totenbett,"
111
00:04:21,562 --> 00:04:24,563
and I would tell it to you now,
112
00:04:24,565 --> 00:04:26,598
but this hallway is shorter than I remember
113
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,333
and we're already here.
114
00:04:28,335 --> 00:04:30,185
Where?
115
00:04:30,186 --> 00:04:32,036
Behold, your new assignment!
116
00:04:32,039 --> 00:04:33,705
Jack! Hey, look!
117
00:04:33,707 --> 00:04:35,641
I tied my own knot!
118
00:04:38,479 --> 00:04:39,878
Â♪ Â♪
119
00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:47,486
(phone ringing)
120
00:04:47,488 --> 00:04:48,620
You're pulling me from the field?
121
00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:49,821
When were you going to tell me?
122
00:04:49,823 --> 00:04:51,390
Well, I was hoping to weave it
123
00:04:51,392 --> 00:04:52,824
into that German folktale,
124
00:04:52,826 --> 00:04:57,629
but I still can't get over
how short that hallway is.
125
00:04:57,631 --> 00:05:00,732
Look, I need you here desperately, Jack.
126
00:05:00,734 --> 00:05:03,368
You're the voice of the magazine.
127
00:05:03,370 --> 00:05:05,737
Those young kids, they're smart, yes,
128
00:05:05,739 --> 00:05:07,372
but they don't know what to write about.
129
00:05:07,374 --> 00:05:08,573
Yeah, I've seen the website.
130
00:05:08,575 --> 00:05:10,842
"Best Three Ways to Drink Your Own Urine"?
131
00:05:12,413 --> 00:05:13,645
There is no best way.
132
00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:15,447
BOTH: You just drink it.
133
00:05:16,517 --> 00:05:17,849
Hi, Dad.
134
00:05:17,851 --> 00:05:19,651
Jack? Hi.
135
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:20,652
Brooke, hi!
136
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:21,920
Wow.
137
00:05:21,922 --> 00:05:23,655
Hi.
138
00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:25,624
I haven't seen you
139
00:05:25,626 --> 00:05:28,760
since you showed up to the company retreat.
140
00:05:28,762 --> 00:05:31,930
Yeah, when we were paired
together with those trust falls.
141
00:05:31,932 --> 00:05:33,532
Yes, that went well.
142
00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:35,467
It was a lot of trust. Yeah.
143
00:05:35,469 --> 00:05:36,735
Crazy amount of trust.
144
00:05:36,737 --> 00:05:39,371
A whole night of trust.
145
00:05:39,373 --> 00:05:40,572
I didn't realize you'd
be doing all that falling.
146
00:05:40,574 --> 00:05:41,740
Did you have some sort of protection?
147
00:05:41,742 --> 00:05:42,541
Yeah.
148
00:05:42,543 --> 00:05:43,542
She made me.
149
00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:45,777
You look great.
150
00:05:45,779 --> 00:05:48,113
Married life is treating you well.
151
00:05:48,115 --> 00:05:49,414
Not married yet.
152
00:05:49,416 --> 00:05:50,615
Still engaged.
153
00:05:50,617 --> 00:05:52,818
Long engagements, always a good sign.
154
00:05:52,820 --> 00:05:54,886
Yeah.
155
00:05:54,888 --> 00:05:57,889
So, is this "Take Your
Daughter to Work Day"?
156
00:05:57,891 --> 00:06:00,859
No, I'm actually helping
my dad run the magazine now.
157
00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:03,428
Oh, so I'd be working with her?
158
00:06:03,430 --> 00:06:03,895
With her?
159
00:06:03,897 --> 00:06:05,697
No, no, no, no.
160
00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:08,367
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
161
00:06:08,369 --> 00:06:09,801
No, for her.
162
00:06:10,904 --> 00:06:12,704
It's quite simple, Jack.
163
00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:13,739
You know the magazine.
164
00:06:13,741 --> 00:06:15,324
Brooke, unlike the pair of us,
165
00:06:15,325 --> 00:06:16,908
knows how to engage with those youngsters.
166
00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:18,777
So I need you both.
167
00:06:18,779 --> 00:06:23,648
It takes two to make a
thing go... correctly, yes?
168
00:06:23,650 --> 00:06:25,550
But I don't belong here.
169
00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:27,486
I can help you more if I'm out there,
170
00:06:27,488 --> 00:06:28,787
getting you stories.
171
00:06:28,789 --> 00:06:30,722
Jack, there is no more "out there."
172
00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:33,792
Every adventure magazine is
cutting back on field reporting.
173
00:06:33,794 --> 00:06:35,994
I wouldn't be asking if I didn't
think you were our last chance.
174
00:06:35,996 --> 00:06:39,498
It doesn't sound like you're asking.
175
00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:41,400
Oh, I can make anything
sound like a question.
176
00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:43,902
Jack, you owe me?
177
00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:45,804
You must do this?
178
00:06:45,806 --> 00:06:48,807
Or you'll be fired?
179
00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:52,411
Ugh.
180
00:06:52,413 --> 00:06:52,944
Jack!
181
00:06:52,946 --> 00:06:54,913
Clark, what is that?
182
00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:56,848
We tried some roadkill
recipe on the camping stove
183
00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:59,418
and it turns out possum is super oily.
184
00:06:59,420 --> 00:07:01,186
Well, at least I can't smell Zeb.
185
00:07:01,188 --> 00:07:02,888
ZEB: That makes one of us.
186
00:07:02,890 --> 00:07:04,756
Jack and I just met with Roland,
187
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:06,758
and it looks like starting from tomorrow,
188
00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,660
Jack is gonna be supervising you guys.
189
00:07:08,662 --> 00:07:10,462
Yes!
190
00:07:10,464 --> 00:07:12,864
Wait, I got passed over
for a promotion again?
191
00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:14,032
What do I have to do?
192
00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:16,501
I've been here eight weeks!
193
00:07:17,638 --> 00:07:20,806
Roland just wants Jack
here to share his expertise
194
00:07:20,808 --> 00:07:22,874
on the magazine with you guys.
195
00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:24,910
And of course, on the outdoors.
196
00:07:24,912 --> 00:07:26,878
Yeah, but what's his
digital media footprint?
197
00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:29,581
He has no Twitter, no Facebook...
198
00:07:29,583 --> 00:07:31,783
It's like he doesn't exist.
199
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:36,054
Oh, but he does have a website from 1996.
200
00:07:36,056 --> 00:07:39,458
(website beeping)
201
00:07:39,460 --> 00:07:41,059
How old are you?
202
00:07:41,061 --> 00:07:43,995
Because that baby's old enough
to have its own baby now.
203
00:07:45,532 --> 00:07:48,066
You're like the human version of dial-up.
204
00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:49,668
Don't worry about it, Jack.
205
00:07:49,670 --> 00:07:51,736
I'm going to set up your
Instagram account right now.
206
00:07:51,738 --> 00:07:52,571
Please don't do that.
207
00:07:52,572 --> 00:07:53,405
Too late.
208
00:07:53,406 --> 00:07:54,239
My mom's already following you.
209
00:07:54,241 --> 00:07:55,541
Great.
210
00:07:55,542 --> 00:07:56,842
Okay, Jack, why don't you start
211
00:07:56,844 --> 00:07:59,678
by telling these guys what
the magazine means to you?
212
00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:00,812
Okay, yeah.
213
00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:03,048
Well, I think it's about getting out:
214
00:08:03,050 --> 00:08:04,783
getting out of your house, out of the city,
215
00:08:04,785 --> 00:08:06,685
out of your ruts...
216
00:08:06,686 --> 00:08:08,586
Maybe we should change the
name of the magazine to Out.
217
00:08:08,589 --> 00:08:10,889
Well, Out is already a gay magazine.
218
00:08:10,891 --> 00:08:13,558
Uh, you're not allowed to say that anymore.
219
00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:15,994
No, Out is a real gay magazine.
220
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:18,864
Ooh, now he's calling it real gay.
221
00:08:19,967 --> 00:08:21,700
No, it's an actual gay magazine.
222
00:08:21,702 --> 00:08:22,901
Ask Mason.
223
00:08:27,074 --> 00:08:28,607
Why me?
224
00:08:33,580 --> 00:08:35,113
Because, uh...
225
00:08:39,753 --> 00:08:41,887
Are you saying I'm gay, Jack?
226
00:08:41,889 --> 00:08:44,723
I don't, uh...
227
00:08:44,725 --> 00:08:46,958
Bandana? That's...
228
00:08:48,662 --> 00:08:49,928
I'm just messing with you, man!
229
00:08:49,930 --> 00:08:52,864
(relieved laughter)
230
00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:54,099
So you are?
231
00:08:54,101 --> 00:08:55,667
Are you seriously asking me?
232
00:08:55,669 --> 00:08:57,135
No!
233
00:09:00,741 --> 00:09:02,140
Jack!
234
00:09:02,142 --> 00:09:03,308
I heard you were back in town.
235
00:09:03,310 --> 00:09:04,743
You did? How?
236
00:09:04,745 --> 00:09:05,911
Your Instagram.
237
00:09:05,913 --> 00:09:09,748
Eddie, what's different about this place?
238
00:09:09,750 --> 00:09:11,016
Oh, that's
right-- customers.
239
00:09:11,018 --> 00:09:15,120
Dude, I raised the price of PBR by a dollar
240
00:09:15,122 --> 00:09:16,922
and more of these kids came.
241
00:09:16,924 --> 00:09:19,824
Then I raised it to six dollars a can.
242
00:09:19,826 --> 00:09:21,126
There was a line out the door.
243
00:09:21,128 --> 00:09:22,827
(laughs)
244
00:09:22,829 --> 00:09:23,628
How long are you in town for?
245
00:09:23,630 --> 00:09:25,113
I don't know.
246
00:09:25,114 --> 00:09:26,597
They're trying to keep me in the office,
247
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:28,633
and I have to work for Brooke.
248
00:09:28,635 --> 00:09:29,334
Trust fall Brooke?
249
00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:30,636
Mm-hmm.
250
00:09:30,637 --> 00:09:31,937
That means you slept with your boss.
251
00:09:31,939 --> 00:09:33,171
That's hot.
252
00:09:33,173 --> 00:09:34,706
And I should know.
253
00:09:34,708 --> 00:09:36,708
I'm my own boss.
254
00:09:36,710 --> 00:09:39,177
Thank you for that imagery.
255
00:09:39,179 --> 00:09:41,463
I gotta get out of there.
256
00:09:41,464 --> 00:09:43,748
I just spent the last few hours
faxing my résumé everywhere.
257
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:44,916
Faxing, huh?
258
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:46,818
Your pager didn't blow up?
259
00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:48,987
Eddie, I don't need it from you.
260
00:09:48,989 --> 00:09:50,188
I've been getting it all day
261
00:09:50,190 --> 00:09:51,656
from these stupid 20-somethings.
262
00:09:51,658 --> 00:09:52,757
Shh! Hey, hey.
263
00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:53,825
Go back to your phones.
264
00:09:55,062 --> 00:09:57,662
They're smarter than you think they are.
265
00:09:57,664 --> 00:09:59,364
They hustle and know how to make money,
266
00:09:59,366 --> 00:10:03,768
which is why I can charge $12
for ironic Spam sandwiches.
267
00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:05,370
Eddie, are we old?
268
00:10:05,372 --> 00:10:07,806
No!
269
00:10:07,807 --> 00:10:10,241
You're younger than they make you feel.
270
00:10:10,242 --> 00:10:12,676
Look, if you really want to test
how old and out of it you are,
271
00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:15,780
I found a test on BuzzFeed
that can measure your age
272
00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:18,083
to almost 90% certainty.
273
00:10:18,085 --> 00:10:20,885
Oh, like the replicant
test in Blade Runner?
274
00:10:20,887 --> 00:10:21,886
Pencils down.
275
00:10:21,888 --> 00:10:22,787
You're old.
276
00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:28,026
BROOKE: Good morning, everyone.
277
00:10:28,028 --> 00:10:30,929
We need some digital tie-ins to your piece
278
00:10:30,931 --> 00:10:32,030
on the bears.
279
00:10:32,032 --> 00:10:33,965
So Jack, why don't you start
280
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:35,934
by inspiring us with your experience?
281
00:10:35,936 --> 00:10:37,702
Oh, all right.
282
00:10:37,704 --> 00:10:39,104
Well, Kodiak Island
283
00:10:39,106 --> 00:10:41,106
is the largest island
off the coast of Alaska...
284
00:10:41,108 --> 00:10:42,240
Got it!
285
00:10:42,242 --> 00:10:43,842
A slide show link:
286
00:10:43,844 --> 00:10:46,044
"Five Things to Do If
You're Attacked by a Bear."
287
00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:47,712
That's good, Jack, this
is totally your thing.
288
00:10:47,714 --> 00:10:48,713
What do you think?
289
00:10:48,715 --> 00:10:50,815
Oh, well, obviously bear spray.
290
00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:51,816
No, there is no bear spray.
291
00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:52,917
The attack's already on.
292
00:10:52,919 --> 00:10:54,986
DiCaprio versus Bear!
293
00:10:56,123 --> 00:10:58,923
Jack, just name one thing
to do if a bear attacks.
294
00:10:58,925 --> 00:11:00,859
Die.
295
00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:05,930
You die.
296
00:11:07,434 --> 00:11:10,669
I've seen it.
297
00:11:10,671 --> 00:11:14,005
ZEB: Maybe change the list
to "Top One Thing to Do"?
298
00:11:15,208 --> 00:11:18,109
Guys, Roland wanted me to
get you to write stories
299
00:11:18,111 --> 00:11:19,978
that inspire people.
300
00:11:19,980 --> 00:11:22,047
Now, I lived on Kodiak Island
301
00:11:22,049 --> 00:11:24,683
with bear cubs that were
coming out of hibernation
302
00:11:24,685 --> 00:11:26,751
for the very first time.
303
00:11:26,753 --> 00:11:29,020
Very few people have ever seen this.
304
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:30,889
I just found these bears playing
in someone's swimming pool.
305
00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:36,811
That's pretty cool.
306
00:11:36,812 --> 00:11:37,761
No, guys, this is not
what I'm talking about!
307
00:11:37,764 --> 00:11:39,898
I'm talking about a majestic species
308
00:11:39,900 --> 00:11:41,166
on the brink of extinction.
309
00:11:41,168 --> 00:11:43,034
You guys don't know what it's like
310
00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:45,704
to look at a creature that
is the last of its kind.
311
00:11:45,706 --> 00:11:47,939
ALL: Yeah, we do.
312
00:11:50,711 --> 00:11:52,777
Okay, this was a really good meeting, guys.
313
00:11:52,779 --> 00:11:53,912
Thank you so much...
314
00:11:53,914 --> 00:11:56,081
You're all so... confident.
315
00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:58,750
You went to good schools.
316
00:11:58,752 --> 00:12:00,785
You played on winning teams.
317
00:12:00,787 --> 00:12:02,787
We only won two games that year.
318
00:12:02,789 --> 00:12:04,055
You're holding a huge trophy.
319
00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:05,290
Uh, yeah, we got that
320
00:12:05,292 --> 00:12:07,826
'cause we all tried really hard.
321
00:12:07,828 --> 00:12:10,195
Yeah, well, so did the team that won!
322
00:12:10,197 --> 00:12:11,896
Trophies are for winners.
323
00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:13,798
Ew.
324
00:12:14,801 --> 00:12:16,935
Clark, what are you doing?
325
00:12:16,937 --> 00:12:18,002
I'm listening.
326
00:12:18,004 --> 00:12:19,938
I'm just setting up for my podcast.
327
00:12:19,940 --> 00:12:21,806
You've got a podcast?
328
00:12:21,808 --> 00:12:23,074
About what?
329
00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:24,743
I interview people.
330
00:12:24,745 --> 00:12:27,178
Who are you interviewing today?
331
00:12:27,180 --> 00:12:28,146
Mason.
332
00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:33,752
And what are you interviewing Mason about?
333
00:12:35,021 --> 00:12:36,187
His podcast.
334
00:12:36,189 --> 00:12:38,022
All right, stop this!
335
00:12:38,024 --> 00:12:39,023
Stop this right now!
336
00:12:39,025 --> 00:12:40,475
This is work!
337
00:12:40,476 --> 00:12:41,926
You guys always expect work to be fun.
338
00:12:41,928 --> 00:12:44,195
You can't just post animal videos
339
00:12:44,197 --> 00:12:45,764
and call it journalism.
340
00:12:45,766 --> 00:12:47,232
You can't take a word, remove some vowels,
341
00:12:47,234 --> 00:12:49,834
and think it's a great app.
342
00:12:49,836 --> 00:12:50,835
And Clark,
343
00:12:50,837 --> 00:12:52,003
get a podcast
344
00:12:52,005 --> 00:12:53,304
when you have something to say.
345
00:12:53,306 --> 00:12:55,974
In fact, you should have
the first silent podcast
346
00:12:55,976 --> 00:12:57,342
because up to this point,
347
00:12:57,344 --> 00:13:01,179
you have said nothing
that improves on silence.
348
00:13:02,315 --> 00:13:04,182
(crying): That's a really good idea.
349
00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:14,159
Mr. Gordon, do you realize
350
00:13:14,161 --> 00:13:16,928
why this meeting has
been called between you,
351
00:13:16,930 --> 00:13:18,997
human resources, our general counsel,
352
00:13:18,999 --> 00:13:20,198
and your superior?
353
00:13:23,069 --> 00:13:25,170
Because I made Clark cry.
354
00:13:25,172 --> 00:13:26,971
You made Clark cry.
355
00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:29,374
You created a hostile work environment
356
00:13:29,376 --> 00:13:31,142
which puts our company
in jeopardy of a lawsuit.
357
00:13:32,112 --> 00:13:33,144
Hah!
358
00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:34,212
Uh...
359
00:13:37,517 --> 00:13:40,518
Young adults today are
a very delicate group.
360
00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:43,321
We offer an entire class
on how to deal with them.
361
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:46,424
Is the class called, "I Was
Born in the "90s, Wahhhhh"?
362
00:13:46,426 --> 00:13:50,395
Look, we're both getting up there in years.
363
00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:55,550
It's frustrating.
364
00:13:55,551 --> 00:13:57,001
Sometimes, I want to beat them senseless
365
00:13:57,003 --> 00:13:59,103
with their selfie sticks.
366
00:13:59,105 --> 00:14:01,206
(clears throat)
367
00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:03,975
But they're the only reason any of us
368
00:14:03,977 --> 00:14:06,344
are still employed right
now, so get used to it.
369
00:14:08,114 --> 00:14:10,949
Jolly good.
370
00:14:10,951 --> 00:14:14,219
Human resources and a
lawyer on your second day.
371
00:14:14,221 --> 00:14:16,621
Save something for the Christmas party.
372
00:14:17,958 --> 00:14:19,257
Roland, I feel terrible saying this,
373
00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:20,992
but I can't do this.
374
00:14:20,994 --> 00:14:22,994
Ah.
375
00:14:22,996 --> 00:14:25,997
Do you know remember the
story behind this severed rope?
376
00:14:25,999 --> 00:14:26,998
No.
377
00:14:28,134 --> 00:14:30,969
No, neither do I.
378
00:14:30,971 --> 00:14:33,872
Still, I'm sure you can
work with those kids.
379
00:14:33,874 --> 00:14:34,873
I tried.
380
00:14:34,875 --> 00:14:35,874
I'm sorry.
381
00:14:35,876 --> 00:14:37,375
Shame.
382
00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:39,377
It would have been good for you.
383
00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:44,082
"Twilight and evening bell,
and after that, the dark.
384
00:14:44,084 --> 00:14:50,088
And may there be no sadness
of farewell when I embark."
385
00:14:52,092 --> 00:14:53,925
That line called for a dramatic exit,
386
00:14:53,927 --> 00:14:55,894
but it is my office, so get out.
387
00:14:59,966 --> 00:15:01,165
So that's it?
388
00:15:01,167 --> 00:15:02,300
You're just gonna leave for good?
389
00:15:02,302 --> 00:15:04,302
Oh, I'm sorry,
390
00:15:04,303 --> 00:15:06,303
do you need me to submit an
official resignation tweet?
391
00:15:06,306 --> 00:15:08,940
Yes, I'm leaving for good.
392
00:15:08,942 --> 00:15:10,174
(sarcastic whining)
393
00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:15,280
Jack, my dad needs you here.
394
00:15:15,282 --> 00:15:16,314
No, he needs you.
395
00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:17,382
You can do everything.
396
00:15:17,384 --> 00:15:18,283
You're smart,
397
00:15:18,285 --> 00:15:19,450
you're beautiful,
398
00:15:19,452 --> 00:15:21,085
you say "shedule."
399
00:15:21,454 --> 00:15:23,771
Where are you going to go?
400
00:15:23,772 --> 00:15:26,089
You can't keep doing this
lone wolf thing forever.
401
00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:27,091
Why not?
402
00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:28,126
That's what lone wolves do.
403
00:15:28,128 --> 00:15:29,277
That's what I've always done.
404
00:15:29,278 --> 00:15:30,427
Look at me posing with all my friends.
405
00:15:33,199 --> 00:15:34,666
I'm not going to change,
and I'm fine with that.
406
00:15:34,668 --> 00:15:36,434
Oh, really?
407
00:15:36,435 --> 00:15:38,201
That's not what you told me
that night at the retreat.
408
00:15:38,204 --> 00:15:41,005
Well, we said a lot of things
that night we didn't mean,
409
00:15:41,007 --> 00:15:42,340
like, "This is my last mojito."
410
00:15:42,342 --> 00:15:44,075
"I'm gonna go back to my room."
411
00:15:44,077 --> 00:15:46,945
"Don't use that, that's been
in your wallet for years."
412
00:15:48,682 --> 00:15:50,181
And "I'll call you."
413
00:15:50,183 --> 00:15:52,016
I did call you!
414
00:15:52,018 --> 00:15:53,501
Yes, it was a few days later,
415
00:15:53,502 --> 00:15:54,985
but by then, you were already running away.
416
00:15:54,988 --> 00:15:56,321
I can't exist in this world,
417
00:15:56,323 --> 00:15:58,389
and I can't get through to those kids.
418
00:15:58,391 --> 00:16:00,024
You were once that kid to my dad,
419
00:16:00,026 --> 00:16:01,192
and he got through to you.
420
00:16:01,194 --> 00:16:03,278
Now he just needs you to prove
421
00:16:03,279 --> 00:16:05,363
that the outside world is more
than something on a screen.
422
00:16:05,365 --> 00:16:08,232
Oh, Brooke, I never
thought about it that way.
423
00:16:08,234 --> 00:16:09,968
You mean I could forge a lasting,
424
00:16:09,970 --> 00:16:12,236
meaningful relationship
with the younger generation?
425
00:16:12,238 --> 00:16:14,105
And who knows?
426
00:16:14,106 --> 00:16:15,973
Even though I'm the teacher,
maybe I could end up...
427
00:16:15,976 --> 00:16:17,208
Blah, blah, blah!
428
00:16:19,245 --> 00:16:20,278
What's wrong?
429
00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:21,346
How was work?
430
00:16:21,348 --> 00:16:22,280
Awful.
431
00:16:22,282 --> 00:16:23,381
I hurt a millennial's feelings.
432
00:16:23,383 --> 00:16:24,716
When are their feelings not hurt?
433
00:16:24,718 --> 00:16:26,117
Hey!
434
00:16:26,119 --> 00:16:28,252
See?
435
00:16:28,254 --> 00:16:30,288
Nachos, on the house.
436
00:16:33,693 --> 00:16:35,126
Clay?
437
00:16:35,128 --> 00:16:36,327
Clark.
438
00:16:39,532 --> 00:16:41,265
What are you doing here?
439
00:16:41,267 --> 00:16:43,101
I heard you might be leaving
and it was all my fault
440
00:16:43,103 --> 00:16:44,736
for crying, so I just wanted to say
441
00:16:44,738 --> 00:16:47,105
I do not deserve to walk in your shoes.
442
00:16:47,107 --> 00:16:49,374
This is totally unnecessary.
443
00:16:49,376 --> 00:16:52,143
And you should have brought
a second pair of shoes.
444
00:16:52,145 --> 00:16:54,545
Look, Jack, you were right
about what you said before.
445
00:16:54,547 --> 00:16:57,115
I don't know why I have a podcast.
446
00:16:57,117 --> 00:16:58,383
I have nothing important to say.
447
00:16:58,385 --> 00:17:01,285
But you do, and you inspire people.
448
00:17:01,287 --> 00:17:03,054
We need that around the office.
449
00:17:03,056 --> 00:17:04,539
I know I talk a big game,
450
00:17:04,540 --> 00:17:06,023
(whispering): but I sort of
don't know what I'm doing.
451
00:17:08,128 --> 00:17:09,560
I posted one of your
old Galápagos stories,
452
00:17:09,562 --> 00:17:11,129
like, two hours ago
453
00:17:11,131 --> 00:17:13,231
and it has 200,000 views so far.
454
00:17:13,233 --> 00:17:15,266
Whoa, 200,000?
455
00:17:15,268 --> 00:17:16,167
(laughs): It's pretty weak.
456
00:17:16,169 --> 00:17:17,368
Slow your roll, bro.
457
00:17:18,405 --> 00:17:19,737
But it was just getting started,
458
00:17:19,739 --> 00:17:21,139
and it triggered a crowdfunding campaign
459
00:17:21,141 --> 00:17:23,241
to help save the
turtles-- take a look.
460
00:17:23,243 --> 00:17:24,175
That's a penis.
461
00:17:24,177 --> 00:17:26,244
Damn it, Mason!
462
00:17:26,246 --> 00:17:28,413
Look, I get it, you
care-- thank you.
463
00:17:28,415 --> 00:17:30,782
And I don't want to
disappoint Roland either.
464
00:17:30,784 --> 00:17:32,567
No, no, no, Roland's gonna be fine.
465
00:17:32,568 --> 00:17:34,351
It was Brooke's idea to
bring you back from the field.
466
00:17:34,354 --> 00:17:36,254
It was Brooke's idea?
467
00:17:36,256 --> 00:17:38,256
Yeah, she's the one who
convinced him to call you in.
468
00:17:40,193 --> 00:17:42,093
Thank you for telling me that.
469
00:17:42,095 --> 00:17:46,164
And look, these incredibly
sweaty things are yours
470
00:17:46,166 --> 00:17:48,199
and you should wear them.
471
00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:50,201
Hey, I got an opening tomorrow
for my podcast if you wanna...
472
00:17:50,203 --> 00:17:51,402
Don't push it.
473
00:18:04,517 --> 00:18:08,086
Yeah, I'd get out of
there if I were you, too.
474
00:18:10,824 --> 00:18:12,107
Whoa!
475
00:18:12,108 --> 00:18:13,391
That must have been dirty and smelly.
476
00:18:13,393 --> 00:18:16,160
Is there any other way?
477
00:18:18,465 --> 00:18:20,631
Thank you for coming back.
478
00:18:20,633 --> 00:18:22,333
My dad will be very happy.
479
00:18:22,335 --> 00:18:23,201
Mm.
480
00:18:23,203 --> 00:18:24,202
Just your dad?
481
00:18:24,204 --> 00:18:25,303
Yes.
482
00:18:25,305 --> 00:18:26,137
Hmm?
483
00:18:26,139 --> 00:18:27,238
Yes!
484
00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:28,239
Okay.
485
00:18:28,241 --> 00:18:30,108
Good morning, you guys.
486
00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:32,510
I need to start with an apology.
487
00:18:32,512 --> 00:18:34,245
No, no, it's okay, I forgive you!
488
00:18:34,247 --> 00:18:35,580
We hashed it out last night.
489
00:18:35,582 --> 00:18:37,115
We hang out outside of work.
490
00:18:37,117 --> 00:18:39,550
It's cool, don't make a big deal about it.
491
00:18:39,552 --> 00:18:42,320
I know you guys always
have to have fun at work,
492
00:18:42,322 --> 00:18:44,322
so I thought I'd bring you
493
00:18:44,324 --> 00:18:46,157
some of the real world
that I keep talking about,
494
00:18:46,159 --> 00:18:49,594
courtesy of the Illinois
Wildlife Conservatory.
495
00:18:50,864 --> 00:18:52,396
ALL: Aw!
496
00:18:52,398 --> 00:18:53,981
You guys,
497
00:18:53,982 --> 00:18:55,565
can we put away the phones for one second?
498
00:18:55,568 --> 00:18:57,201
I swear this will be an experience
499
00:18:57,203 --> 00:18:59,137
even without recording it.
500
00:18:59,139 --> 00:19:00,605
So, this is Henry.
501
00:19:00,607 --> 00:19:04,542
His species has had quite
a bit of trouble recently,
502
00:19:04,544 --> 00:19:08,679
but with a little bit of help,
he's gonna learn how to adapt.
503
00:19:08,681 --> 00:19:10,148
Wow, you know, in a way,
504
00:19:10,150 --> 00:19:11,282
that's a lot like what's happening...
505
00:19:11,284 --> 00:19:13,234
You draw a parallel right now,
506
00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:15,185
I will tear both your arms
off and beat you with them.
507
00:19:16,189 --> 00:19:17,688
So, what do you think? Any ideas?
508
00:19:17,690 --> 00:19:19,457
We could set up an interactive fact sheet
509
00:19:19,459 --> 00:19:21,159
to chart his weight and growth.
510
00:19:21,161 --> 00:19:23,227
Our site can auto-route
to the donation page.
511
00:19:23,229 --> 00:19:24,929
CLARK: And each page will have a link
512
00:19:24,931 --> 00:19:26,464
to one of Jack's essays
513
00:19:26,465 --> 00:19:27,998
about tracking the bears in their habitat.
514
00:19:27,999 --> 00:19:29,532
And I will tell my
friends to read these links
515
00:19:29,536 --> 00:19:31,302
when I see them.
516
00:19:31,304 --> 00:19:32,603
In person.
517
00:19:33,907 --> 00:19:37,208
So, Roland, what do you think?
518
00:19:37,210 --> 00:19:39,210
Wonderful!
519
00:19:39,212 --> 00:19:41,579
Wonderful bear.
520
00:19:41,581 --> 00:19:43,347
I know you were talking,
521
00:19:43,349 --> 00:19:45,716
but I'm afraid I didn't hear
a single word any of you said.
522
00:19:45,718 --> 00:19:47,585
It sounded enthusiastic,
though, and motivated,
523
00:19:47,587 --> 00:19:49,554
so well done, good job.
524
00:19:49,556 --> 00:19:50,721
Now,
525
00:19:50,723 --> 00:19:52,290
Henry and I are going down
526
00:19:52,292 --> 00:19:53,524
for our nap.
527
00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:55,726
I put some scotch in his milk.
528
00:19:55,728 --> 00:19:57,495
Thank you all so much.
529
00:19:57,497 --> 00:19:59,730
It means the world to me, you know that.
530
00:19:59,732 --> 00:20:01,399
Come on, Henry.
531
00:20:03,369 --> 00:20:06,504
Well, kids, that was okay.
532
00:20:07,607 --> 00:20:11,709
Not great, not even
really that good, but...
533
00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:12,710
But!
534
00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:14,712
We did all try really hard,
535
00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:17,381
and I think you know what that means.
536
00:20:17,383 --> 00:20:18,382
Trophies?!
537
00:20:18,384 --> 00:20:19,684
Uh-huh!
538
00:20:23,756 --> 00:20:25,323
Here you go.
539
00:20:26,426 --> 00:20:28,226
I'm just gonna give him part of it.
540
00:20:28,228 --> 00:20:29,961
I don't feel like he really participated.
541
00:20:37,270 --> 00:20:40,471
Mr. Gordon, do you realize
why we're here again?
542
00:20:42,875 --> 00:20:45,476
I brought a bear into the office.
543
00:20:45,478 --> 00:20:46,477
You brought
544
00:20:46,479 --> 00:20:49,547
a bear into the office.
545
00:20:49,549 --> 00:20:51,415
And?
546
00:20:51,417 --> 00:20:53,751
And it ate Esther's support animal.
547
00:20:57,590 --> 00:20:58,990
Um... hmm!
548
00:20:58,992 --> 00:21:00,424
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