00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 Translated By The Community Of WWW.MY-SUBS.COM 1 00:00:06,307 --> 00:00:07,439 Excuse me, I.D., please. 2 00:00:07,441 --> 00:00:08,273 I.D.? 3 00:00:08,275 --> 00:00:10,576 That's cute. 4 00:00:10,578 --> 00:00:12,378 I'm Jack Gordon. 5 00:00:12,380 --> 00:00:15,180 There's my I.D. right there. 6 00:00:15,182 --> 00:00:16,548 Where? 7 00:00:16,550 --> 00:00:19,184 There's one guy in the photo! 8 00:00:19,186 --> 00:00:21,453 Oh, you wish you were that guy! 9 00:00:22,623 --> 00:00:24,556 I didn't know they allowed pets in the office now. 10 00:00:24,558 --> 00:00:26,325 Or is that one of those special dogs 11 00:00:26,327 --> 00:00:28,127 that weird people can take anywhere? 12 00:00:28,129 --> 00:00:31,163 You're not allowed to ask if it's an... 13 00:00:31,165 --> 00:00:33,298 (whispering): emotional support animal. 14 00:00:34,402 --> 00:00:36,235 (whispering): I think I have my answer. 15 00:00:36,237 --> 00:00:38,437 Jack Gordon? 16 00:00:38,439 --> 00:00:40,606 It is so incredible to meet you. 17 00:00:40,608 --> 00:00:42,541 I'm Clark, online content curator. 18 00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:45,511 Hi, Clark, obviously made-up job title. 19 00:00:45,513 --> 00:00:47,513 You're the reason I got into outdoor journalism. 20 00:00:47,515 --> 00:00:48,447 I heard you were coming in today, 21 00:00:48,449 --> 00:00:49,648 so I reread your book! 22 00:00:49,650 --> 00:00:52,051 That's a penis. 23 00:00:52,053 --> 00:00:53,585 Mason! Sorry. 24 00:00:53,587 --> 00:00:56,121 Hey, do you mind stopping by the digital department? 25 00:00:56,123 --> 00:00:57,389 I'm actually supposed to meet Roland, so... 26 00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:58,524 Oh nice, it's on the way. 27 00:00:58,526 --> 00:01:00,492 By the way, I got the same Moab boots 28 00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:02,261 you called "life savers" 29 00:01:02,263 --> 00:01:04,363 when you were stranded in Denali National Park. 30 00:01:04,365 --> 00:01:07,332 Oh, you do a lot of mountain climbing in midtown Chicago? 31 00:01:07,334 --> 00:01:08,500 None-- my feet are crazy sweaty! 32 00:01:08,502 --> 00:01:09,568 Come on! 33 00:01:12,139 --> 00:01:15,140 Guys, this is the Jack Gordon! 34 00:01:15,142 --> 00:01:17,276 Jack, this is our social influencer, Emma. 35 00:01:17,278 --> 00:01:20,345 Oh, my God, you're a legend, I can't believe you're here. 36 00:01:21,482 --> 00:01:23,382 That's actually pretty excited for her. 37 00:01:23,384 --> 00:01:25,284 And this is our digital conversation specialist, 38 00:01:25,286 --> 00:01:26,552 Mason. 39 00:01:26,554 --> 00:01:27,870 Oh, Mason. 40 00:01:27,871 --> 00:01:29,187 It's nice to put a face to the penis. 41 00:01:29,190 --> 00:01:30,689 Not always. 42 00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:35,995 Uh...? 43 00:01:35,996 --> 00:01:37,396 Oh, let me help you with this pack here. 44 00:01:37,398 --> 00:01:38,430 Oh! 45 00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:41,100 The new EV-2! 46 00:01:41,102 --> 00:01:43,469 I didn't know this bad boy was out. 47 00:01:43,471 --> 00:01:45,170 (screaming) 48 00:01:45,172 --> 00:01:48,307 There's a sick kid in there wearing a diaper. 49 00:01:48,309 --> 00:01:49,475 That's Zeb. 50 00:01:49,476 --> 00:01:50,642 He can't leave the tent for 30 days. 51 00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:52,211 We got a 24/7 video feed. 52 00:01:52,213 --> 00:01:54,113 Meals, bathroom, everything 53 00:01:54,115 --> 00:01:55,364 in that tent. 54 00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:56,614 Also, Zeb's demo-ing this new underwear 55 00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:57,967 that's so rad, they claim 56 00:01:57,968 --> 00:01:59,318 you don't have to change them for two weeks. 57 00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:03,255 ZEB: Yeah, those aren't working out. 58 00:02:03,257 --> 00:02:06,225 And good news, we just had our most retweeted online poll: 59 00:02:06,227 --> 00:02:08,660 "Best Outdoor Gear for the Zombie Apocalypse." 60 00:02:08,662 --> 00:02:10,229 Yeah, nailed it! 61 00:02:10,231 --> 00:02:12,164 Can you guess the number one zombie-killing tool? 62 00:02:12,166 --> 00:02:14,500 Uh, remembering zombies don't exist? 63 00:02:14,502 --> 00:02:16,301 No, it was tent spikes, 64 00:02:16,303 --> 00:02:19,338 but we didn't give you enough time. 65 00:02:19,340 --> 00:02:22,174 Oh, yes, tent spikes, you're so right, 66 00:02:25,679 --> 00:02:27,980 and so diverse. 67 00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:30,282 So, good luck with your curating and pooping and genital photos. 68 00:02:31,418 --> 00:02:33,352 I'm gonna go see the guy who runs the real magazine. 69 00:02:33,354 --> 00:02:35,554 I'll think of you on my flight to Patagonia. 70 00:02:37,258 --> 00:02:38,524 Not as smart as he thinks. 71 00:02:38,526 --> 00:02:41,293 Patagonia's, like, three blocks away. 72 00:02:42,696 --> 00:02:44,630 Roland! 73 00:02:44,632 --> 00:02:45,497 Jack! 74 00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:47,449 Jack! 75 00:02:47,450 --> 00:02:49,400 Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack! 76 00:02:52,273 --> 00:02:55,507 "The bird a nest, the spider a web, 77 00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:58,510 man... friendship." 78 00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:03,415 "It takes two to make a thing go right." 79 00:03:03,417 --> 00:03:06,652 Oh, I've missed you, Jack. 80 00:03:06,654 --> 00:03:08,587 Sorry to have pulled you out of the wild. 81 00:03:08,589 --> 00:03:10,255 I know you don't like that. 82 00:03:10,257 --> 00:03:13,192 What can I get you to restore your aging spirit? 83 00:03:13,194 --> 00:03:14,693 Oh, I'll have what you're having. 84 00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:17,462 Then you'll be having your third scotch of the morning. 85 00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:19,731 I never saw this. 86 00:03:19,733 --> 00:03:21,333 Your sherpa thanked you? 87 00:03:21,335 --> 00:03:22,568 Oh, Pasang, yes, yes. 88 00:03:22,570 --> 00:03:24,536 I carried him down K2. 89 00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:27,973 I get more credit for that than I deserve, to be honest. 90 00:03:27,975 --> 00:03:29,508 It was either him or my backpack, 91 00:03:29,510 --> 00:03:32,711 and he weighed considerably less than my pack. 92 00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:35,614 They are a tiny, tiny people. 93 00:03:36,650 --> 00:03:38,217 (sighs) 94 00:03:40,588 --> 00:03:43,589 Roland, you okay? 95 00:03:43,591 --> 00:03:44,823 Well, to be honest, Jack, 96 00:03:44,825 --> 00:03:47,226 not everything is rosy at the ranch. 97 00:03:47,228 --> 00:03:50,262 This month is our last print issue. 98 00:03:50,264 --> 00:03:51,563 The magazine is done? 99 00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:53,832 No, like Newsweek and many others, 100 00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:55,801 it will continue as a website. 101 00:03:55,803 --> 00:03:58,337 So the magazine is done. 102 00:03:58,339 --> 00:04:01,056 Not without a fight. 103 00:04:01,057 --> 00:04:03,774 To that end, I've considerably beefed up our online resources. 104 00:04:03,777 --> 00:04:05,577 "Resources" is a strong word 105 00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:08,313 for the digital daycare division I just met. 106 00:04:08,315 --> 00:04:10,449 Walk with me. 107 00:04:10,451 --> 00:04:12,751 My boy, you know how much you mean to this magazine. 108 00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:15,554 This walk is suddenly feeling very Green Mile to me. 109 00:04:15,556 --> 00:04:18,557 How can I best put it? 110 00:04:18,558 --> 00:04:21,559 There's a German folktale called "Der Wolf Auf Seinem Totenbett," 111 00:04:21,562 --> 00:04:24,563 and I would tell it to you now, 112 00:04:24,565 --> 00:04:26,598 but this hallway is shorter than I remember 113 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,333 and we're already here. 114 00:04:28,335 --> 00:04:30,185 Where? 115 00:04:30,186 --> 00:04:32,036 Behold, your new assignment! 116 00:04:32,039 --> 00:04:33,705 Jack! Hey, look! 117 00:04:33,707 --> 00:04:35,641 I tied my own knot! 118 00:04:38,479 --> 00:04:39,878 Â♪ Â♪ 119 00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:47,486 (phone ringing) 120 00:04:47,488 --> 00:04:48,620 You're pulling me from the field? 121 00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:49,821 When were you going to tell me? 122 00:04:49,823 --> 00:04:51,390 Well, I was hoping to weave it 123 00:04:51,392 --> 00:04:52,824 into that German folktale, 124 00:04:52,826 --> 00:04:57,629 but I still can't get over how short that hallway is. 125 00:04:57,631 --> 00:05:00,732 Look, I need you here desperately, Jack. 126 00:05:00,734 --> 00:05:03,368 You're the voice of the magazine. 127 00:05:03,370 --> 00:05:05,737 Those young kids, they're smart, yes, 128 00:05:05,739 --> 00:05:07,372 but they don't know what to write about. 129 00:05:07,374 --> 00:05:08,573 Yeah, I've seen the website. 130 00:05:08,575 --> 00:05:10,842 "Best Three Ways to Drink Your Own Urine"? 131 00:05:12,413 --> 00:05:13,645 There is no best way. 132 00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:15,447 BOTH: You just drink it. 133 00:05:16,517 --> 00:05:17,849 Hi, Dad. 134 00:05:17,851 --> 00:05:19,651 Jack? Hi. 135 00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:20,652 Brooke, hi! 136 00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:21,920 Wow. 137 00:05:21,922 --> 00:05:23,655 Hi. 138 00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:25,624 I haven't seen you 139 00:05:25,626 --> 00:05:28,760 since you showed up to the company retreat. 140 00:05:28,762 --> 00:05:31,930 Yeah, when we were paired together with those trust falls. 141 00:05:31,932 --> 00:05:33,532 Yes, that went well. 142 00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:35,467 It was a lot of trust. Yeah. 143 00:05:35,469 --> 00:05:36,735 Crazy amount of trust. 144 00:05:36,737 --> 00:05:39,371 A whole night of trust. 145 00:05:39,373 --> 00:05:40,572 I didn't realize you'd be doing all that falling. 146 00:05:40,574 --> 00:05:41,740 Did you have some sort of protection? 147 00:05:41,742 --> 00:05:42,541 Yeah. 148 00:05:42,543 --> 00:05:43,542 She made me. 149 00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:45,777 You look great. 150 00:05:45,779 --> 00:05:48,113 Married life is treating you well. 151 00:05:48,115 --> 00:05:49,414 Not married yet. 152 00:05:49,416 --> 00:05:50,615 Still engaged. 153 00:05:50,617 --> 00:05:52,818 Long engagements, always a good sign. 154 00:05:52,820 --> 00:05:54,886 Yeah. 155 00:05:54,888 --> 00:05:57,889 So, is this "Take Your Daughter to Work Day"? 156 00:05:57,891 --> 00:06:00,859 No, I'm actually helping my dad run the magazine now. 157 00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:03,428 Oh, so I'd be working with her? 158 00:06:03,430 --> 00:06:03,895 With her? 159 00:06:03,897 --> 00:06:05,697 No, no, no, no. 160 00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:08,367 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 161 00:06:08,369 --> 00:06:09,801 No, for her. 162 00:06:10,904 --> 00:06:12,704 It's quite simple, Jack. 163 00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:13,739 You know the magazine. 164 00:06:13,741 --> 00:06:15,324 Brooke, unlike the pair of us, 165 00:06:15,325 --> 00:06:16,908 knows how to engage with those youngsters. 166 00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:18,777 So I need you both. 167 00:06:18,779 --> 00:06:23,648 It takes two to make a thing go... correctly, yes? 168 00:06:23,650 --> 00:06:25,550 But I don't belong here. 169 00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:27,486 I can help you more if I'm out there, 170 00:06:27,488 --> 00:06:28,787 getting you stories. 171 00:06:28,789 --> 00:06:30,722 Jack, there is no more "out there." 172 00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:33,792 Every adventure magazine is cutting back on field reporting. 173 00:06:33,794 --> 00:06:35,994 I wouldn't be asking if I didn't think you were our last chance. 174 00:06:35,996 --> 00:06:39,498 It doesn't sound like you're asking. 175 00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:41,400 Oh, I can make anything sound like a question. 176 00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:43,902 Jack, you owe me? 177 00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:45,804 You must do this? 178 00:06:45,806 --> 00:06:48,807 Or you'll be fired? 179 00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:52,411 Ugh. 180 00:06:52,413 --> 00:06:52,944 Jack! 181 00:06:52,946 --> 00:06:54,913 Clark, what is that? 182 00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:56,848 We tried some roadkill recipe on the camping stove 183 00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:59,418 and it turns out possum is super oily. 184 00:06:59,420 --> 00:07:01,186 Well, at least I can't smell Zeb. 185 00:07:01,188 --> 00:07:02,888 ZEB: That makes one of us. 186 00:07:02,890 --> 00:07:04,756 Jack and I just met with Roland, 187 00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:06,758 and it looks like starting from tomorrow, 188 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,660 Jack is gonna be supervising you guys. 189 00:07:08,662 --> 00:07:10,462 Yes! 190 00:07:10,464 --> 00:07:12,864 Wait, I got passed over for a promotion again? 191 00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:14,032 What do I have to do? 192 00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:16,501 I've been here eight weeks! 193 00:07:17,638 --> 00:07:20,806 Roland just wants Jack here to share his expertise 194 00:07:20,808 --> 00:07:22,874 on the magazine with you guys. 195 00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:24,910 And of course, on the outdoors. 196 00:07:24,912 --> 00:07:26,878 Yeah, but what's his digital media footprint? 197 00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:29,581 He has no Twitter, no Facebook... 198 00:07:29,583 --> 00:07:31,783 It's like he doesn't exist. 199 00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:36,054 Oh, but he does have a website from 1996. 200 00:07:36,056 --> 00:07:39,458 (website beeping) 201 00:07:39,460 --> 00:07:41,059 How old are you? 202 00:07:41,061 --> 00:07:43,995 Because that baby's old enough to have its own baby now. 203 00:07:45,532 --> 00:07:48,066 You're like the human version of dial-up. 204 00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:49,668 Don't worry about it, Jack. 205 00:07:49,670 --> 00:07:51,736 I'm going to set up your Instagram account right now. 206 00:07:51,738 --> 00:07:52,571 Please don't do that. 207 00:07:52,572 --> 00:07:53,405 Too late. 208 00:07:53,406 --> 00:07:54,239 My mom's already following you. 209 00:07:54,241 --> 00:07:55,541 Great. 210 00:07:55,542 --> 00:07:56,842 Okay, Jack, why don't you start 211 00:07:56,844 --> 00:07:59,678 by telling these guys what the magazine means to you? 212 00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:00,812 Okay, yeah. 213 00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:03,048 Well, I think it's about getting out: 214 00:08:03,050 --> 00:08:04,783 getting out of your house, out of the city, 215 00:08:04,785 --> 00:08:06,685 out of your ruts... 216 00:08:06,686 --> 00:08:08,586 Maybe we should change the name of the magazine to Out. 217 00:08:08,589 --> 00:08:10,889 Well, Out is already a gay magazine. 218 00:08:10,891 --> 00:08:13,558 Uh, you're not allowed to say that anymore. 219 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:15,994 No, Out is a real gay magazine. 220 00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:18,864 Ooh, now he's calling it real gay. 221 00:08:19,967 --> 00:08:21,700 No, it's an actual gay magazine. 222 00:08:21,702 --> 00:08:22,901 Ask Mason. 223 00:08:27,074 --> 00:08:28,607 Why me? 224 00:08:33,580 --> 00:08:35,113 Because, uh... 225 00:08:39,753 --> 00:08:41,887 Are you saying I'm gay, Jack? 226 00:08:41,889 --> 00:08:44,723 I don't, uh... 227 00:08:44,725 --> 00:08:46,958 Bandana? That's... 228 00:08:48,662 --> 00:08:49,928 I'm just messing with you, man! 229 00:08:49,930 --> 00:08:52,864 (relieved laughter) 230 00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:54,099 So you are? 231 00:08:54,101 --> 00:08:55,667 Are you seriously asking me? 232 00:08:55,669 --> 00:08:57,135 No! 233 00:09:00,741 --> 00:09:02,140 Jack! 234 00:09:02,142 --> 00:09:03,308 I heard you were back in town. 235 00:09:03,310 --> 00:09:04,743 You did? How? 236 00:09:04,745 --> 00:09:05,911 Your Instagram. 237 00:09:05,913 --> 00:09:09,748 Eddie, what's different about this place? 238 00:09:09,750 --> 00:09:11,016 Oh, that's right-- customers. 239 00:09:11,018 --> 00:09:15,120 Dude, I raised the price of PBR by a dollar 240 00:09:15,122 --> 00:09:16,922 and more of these kids came. 241 00:09:16,924 --> 00:09:19,824 Then I raised it to six dollars a can. 242 00:09:19,826 --> 00:09:21,126 There was a line out the door. 243 00:09:21,128 --> 00:09:22,827 (laughs) 244 00:09:22,829 --> 00:09:23,628 How long are you in town for? 245 00:09:23,630 --> 00:09:25,113 I don't know. 246 00:09:25,114 --> 00:09:26,597 They're trying to keep me in the office, 247 00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:28,633 and I have to work for Brooke. 248 00:09:28,635 --> 00:09:29,334 Trust fall Brooke? 249 00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:30,636 Mm-hmm. 250 00:09:30,637 --> 00:09:31,937 That means you slept with your boss. 251 00:09:31,939 --> 00:09:33,171 That's hot. 252 00:09:33,173 --> 00:09:34,706 And I should know. 253 00:09:34,708 --> 00:09:36,708 I'm my own boss. 254 00:09:36,710 --> 00:09:39,177 Thank you for that imagery. 255 00:09:39,179 --> 00:09:41,463 I gotta get out of there. 256 00:09:41,464 --> 00:09:43,748 I just spent the last few hours faxing my résumé everywhere. 257 00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:44,916 Faxing, huh? 258 00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:46,818 Your pager didn't blow up? 259 00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:48,987 Eddie, I don't need it from you. 260 00:09:48,989 --> 00:09:50,188 I've been getting it all day 261 00:09:50,190 --> 00:09:51,656 from these stupid 20-somethings. 262 00:09:51,658 --> 00:09:52,757 Shh! Hey, hey. 263 00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:53,825 Go back to your phones. 264 00:09:55,062 --> 00:09:57,662 They're smarter than you think they are. 265 00:09:57,664 --> 00:09:59,364 They hustle and know how to make money, 266 00:09:59,366 --> 00:10:03,768 which is why I can charge $12 for ironic Spam sandwiches. 267 00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:05,370 Eddie, are we old? 268 00:10:05,372 --> 00:10:07,806 No! 269 00:10:07,807 --> 00:10:10,241 You're younger than they make you feel. 270 00:10:10,242 --> 00:10:12,676 Look, if you really want to test how old and out of it you are, 271 00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:15,780 I found a test on BuzzFeed that can measure your age 272 00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:18,083 to almost 90% certainty. 273 00:10:18,085 --> 00:10:20,885 Oh, like the replicant test in Blade Runner? 274 00:10:20,887 --> 00:10:21,886 Pencils down. 275 00:10:21,888 --> 00:10:22,787 You're old. 276 00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:28,026 BROOKE: Good morning, everyone. 277 00:10:28,028 --> 00:10:30,929 We need some digital tie-ins to your piece 278 00:10:30,931 --> 00:10:32,030 on the bears. 279 00:10:32,032 --> 00:10:33,965 So Jack, why don't you start 280 00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:35,934 by inspiring us with your experience? 281 00:10:35,936 --> 00:10:37,702 Oh, all right. 282 00:10:37,704 --> 00:10:39,104 Well, Kodiak Island 283 00:10:39,106 --> 00:10:41,106 is the largest island off the coast of Alaska... 284 00:10:41,108 --> 00:10:42,240 Got it! 285 00:10:42,242 --> 00:10:43,842 A slide show link: 286 00:10:43,844 --> 00:10:46,044 "Five Things to Do If You're Attacked by a Bear." 287 00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:47,712 That's good, Jack, this is totally your thing. 288 00:10:47,714 --> 00:10:48,713 What do you think? 289 00:10:48,715 --> 00:10:50,815 Oh, well, obviously bear spray. 290 00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:51,816 No, there is no bear spray. 291 00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:52,917 The attack's already on. 292 00:10:52,919 --> 00:10:54,986 DiCaprio versus Bear! 293 00:10:56,123 --> 00:10:58,923 Jack, just name one thing to do if a bear attacks. 294 00:10:58,925 --> 00:11:00,859 Die. 295 00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:05,930 You die. 296 00:11:07,434 --> 00:11:10,669 I've seen it. 297 00:11:10,671 --> 00:11:14,005 ZEB: Maybe change the list to "Top One Thing to Do"? 298 00:11:15,208 --> 00:11:18,109 Guys, Roland wanted me to get you to write stories 299 00:11:18,111 --> 00:11:19,978 that inspire people. 300 00:11:19,980 --> 00:11:22,047 Now, I lived on Kodiak Island 301 00:11:22,049 --> 00:11:24,683 with bear cubs that were coming out of hibernation 302 00:11:24,685 --> 00:11:26,751 for the very first time. 303 00:11:26,753 --> 00:11:29,020 Very few people have ever seen this. 304 00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:30,889 I just found these bears playing in someone's swimming pool. 305 00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:36,811 That's pretty cool. 306 00:11:36,812 --> 00:11:37,761 No, guys, this is not what I'm talking about! 307 00:11:37,764 --> 00:11:39,898 I'm talking about a majestic species 308 00:11:39,900 --> 00:11:41,166 on the brink of extinction. 309 00:11:41,168 --> 00:11:43,034 You guys don't know what it's like 310 00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:45,704 to look at a creature that is the last of its kind. 311 00:11:45,706 --> 00:11:47,939 ALL: Yeah, we do. 312 00:11:50,711 --> 00:11:52,777 Okay, this was a really good meeting, guys. 313 00:11:52,779 --> 00:11:53,912 Thank you so much... 314 00:11:53,914 --> 00:11:56,081 You're all so... confident. 315 00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:58,750 You went to good schools. 316 00:11:58,752 --> 00:12:00,785 You played on winning teams. 317 00:12:00,787 --> 00:12:02,787 We only won two games that year. 318 00:12:02,789 --> 00:12:04,055 You're holding a huge trophy. 319 00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:05,290 Uh, yeah, we got that 320 00:12:05,292 --> 00:12:07,826 'cause we all tried really hard. 321 00:12:07,828 --> 00:12:10,195 Yeah, well, so did the team that won! 322 00:12:10,197 --> 00:12:11,896 Trophies are for winners. 323 00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:13,798 Ew. 324 00:12:14,801 --> 00:12:16,935 Clark, what are you doing? 325 00:12:16,937 --> 00:12:18,002 I'm listening. 326 00:12:18,004 --> 00:12:19,938 I'm just setting up for my podcast. 327 00:12:19,940 --> 00:12:21,806 You've got a podcast? 328 00:12:21,808 --> 00:12:23,074 About what? 329 00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:24,743 I interview people. 330 00:12:24,745 --> 00:12:27,178 Who are you interviewing today? 331 00:12:27,180 --> 00:12:28,146 Mason. 332 00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:33,752 And what are you interviewing Mason about? 333 00:12:35,021 --> 00:12:36,187 His podcast. 334 00:12:36,189 --> 00:12:38,022 All right, stop this! 335 00:12:38,024 --> 00:12:39,023 Stop this right now! 336 00:12:39,025 --> 00:12:40,475 This is work! 337 00:12:40,476 --> 00:12:41,926 You guys always expect work to be fun. 338 00:12:41,928 --> 00:12:44,195 You can't just post animal videos 339 00:12:44,197 --> 00:12:45,764 and call it journalism. 340 00:12:45,766 --> 00:12:47,232 You can't take a word, remove some vowels, 341 00:12:47,234 --> 00:12:49,834 and think it's a great app. 342 00:12:49,836 --> 00:12:50,835 And Clark, 343 00:12:50,837 --> 00:12:52,003 get a podcast 344 00:12:52,005 --> 00:12:53,304 when you have something to say. 345 00:12:53,306 --> 00:12:55,974 In fact, you should have the first silent podcast 346 00:12:55,976 --> 00:12:57,342 because up to this point, 347 00:12:57,344 --> 00:13:01,179 you have said nothing that improves on silence. 348 00:13:02,315 --> 00:13:04,182 (crying): That's a really good idea. 349 00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:14,159 Mr. Gordon, do you realize 350 00:13:14,161 --> 00:13:16,928 why this meeting has been called between you, 351 00:13:16,930 --> 00:13:18,997 human resources, our general counsel, 352 00:13:18,999 --> 00:13:20,198 and your superior? 353 00:13:23,069 --> 00:13:25,170 Because I made Clark cry. 354 00:13:25,172 --> 00:13:26,971 You made Clark cry. 355 00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:29,374 You created a hostile work environment 356 00:13:29,376 --> 00:13:31,142 which puts our company in jeopardy of a lawsuit. 357 00:13:32,112 --> 00:13:33,144 Hah! 358 00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:34,212 Uh... 359 00:13:37,517 --> 00:13:40,518 Young adults today are a very delicate group. 360 00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:43,321 We offer an entire class on how to deal with them. 361 00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:46,424 Is the class called, "I Was Born in the "90s, Wahhhhh"? 362 00:13:46,426 --> 00:13:50,395 Look, we're both getting up there in years. 363 00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:55,550 It's frustrating. 364 00:13:55,551 --> 00:13:57,001 Sometimes, I want to beat them senseless 365 00:13:57,003 --> 00:13:59,103 with their selfie sticks. 366 00:13:59,105 --> 00:14:01,206 (clears throat) 367 00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:03,975 But they're the only reason any of us 368 00:14:03,977 --> 00:14:06,344 are still employed right now, so get used to it. 369 00:14:08,114 --> 00:14:10,949 Jolly good. 370 00:14:10,951 --> 00:14:14,219 Human resources and a lawyer on your second day. 371 00:14:14,221 --> 00:14:16,621 Save something for the Christmas party. 372 00:14:17,958 --> 00:14:19,257 Roland, I feel terrible saying this, 373 00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:20,992 but I can't do this. 374 00:14:20,994 --> 00:14:22,994 Ah. 375 00:14:22,996 --> 00:14:25,997 Do you know remember the story behind this severed rope? 376 00:14:25,999 --> 00:14:26,998 No. 377 00:14:28,134 --> 00:14:30,969 No, neither do I. 378 00:14:30,971 --> 00:14:33,872 Still, I'm sure you can work with those kids. 379 00:14:33,874 --> 00:14:34,873 I tried. 380 00:14:34,875 --> 00:14:35,874 I'm sorry. 381 00:14:35,876 --> 00:14:37,375 Shame. 382 00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:39,377 It would have been good for you. 383 00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:44,082 "Twilight and evening bell, and after that, the dark. 384 00:14:44,084 --> 00:14:50,088 And may there be no sadness of farewell when I embark." 385 00:14:52,092 --> 00:14:53,925 That line called for a dramatic exit, 386 00:14:53,927 --> 00:14:55,894 but it is my office, so get out. 387 00:14:59,966 --> 00:15:01,165 So that's it? 388 00:15:01,167 --> 00:15:02,300 You're just gonna leave for good? 389 00:15:02,302 --> 00:15:04,302 Oh, I'm sorry, 390 00:15:04,303 --> 00:15:06,303 do you need me to submit an official resignation tweet? 391 00:15:06,306 --> 00:15:08,940 Yes, I'm leaving for good. 392 00:15:08,942 --> 00:15:10,174 (sarcastic whining) 393 00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:15,280 Jack, my dad needs you here. 394 00:15:15,282 --> 00:15:16,314 No, he needs you. 395 00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:17,382 You can do everything. 396 00:15:17,384 --> 00:15:18,283 You're smart, 397 00:15:18,285 --> 00:15:19,450 you're beautiful, 398 00:15:19,452 --> 00:15:21,085 you say "shedule." 399 00:15:21,454 --> 00:15:23,771 Where are you going to go? 400 00:15:23,772 --> 00:15:26,089 You can't keep doing this lone wolf thing forever. 401 00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:27,091 Why not? 402 00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:28,126 That's what lone wolves do. 403 00:15:28,128 --> 00:15:29,277 That's what I've always done. 404 00:15:29,278 --> 00:15:30,427 Look at me posing with all my friends. 405 00:15:33,199 --> 00:15:34,666 I'm not going to change, and I'm fine with that. 406 00:15:34,668 --> 00:15:36,434 Oh, really? 407 00:15:36,435 --> 00:15:38,201 That's not what you told me that night at the retreat. 408 00:15:38,204 --> 00:15:41,005 Well, we said a lot of things that night we didn't mean, 409 00:15:41,007 --> 00:15:42,340 like, "This is my last mojito." 410 00:15:42,342 --> 00:15:44,075 "I'm gonna go back to my room." 411 00:15:44,077 --> 00:15:46,945 "Don't use that, that's been in your wallet for years." 412 00:15:48,682 --> 00:15:50,181 And "I'll call you." 413 00:15:50,183 --> 00:15:52,016 I did call you! 414 00:15:52,018 --> 00:15:53,501 Yes, it was a few days later, 415 00:15:53,502 --> 00:15:54,985 but by then, you were already running away. 416 00:15:54,988 --> 00:15:56,321 I can't exist in this world, 417 00:15:56,323 --> 00:15:58,389 and I can't get through to those kids. 418 00:15:58,391 --> 00:16:00,024 You were once that kid to my dad, 419 00:16:00,026 --> 00:16:01,192 and he got through to you. 420 00:16:01,194 --> 00:16:03,278 Now he just needs you to prove 421 00:16:03,279 --> 00:16:05,363 that the outside world is more than something on a screen. 422 00:16:05,365 --> 00:16:08,232 Oh, Brooke, I never thought about it that way. 423 00:16:08,234 --> 00:16:09,968 You mean I could forge a lasting, 424 00:16:09,970 --> 00:16:12,236 meaningful relationship with the younger generation? 425 00:16:12,238 --> 00:16:14,105 And who knows? 426 00:16:14,106 --> 00:16:15,973 Even though I'm the teacher, maybe I could end up... 427 00:16:15,976 --> 00:16:17,208 Blah, blah, blah! 428 00:16:19,245 --> 00:16:20,278 What's wrong? 429 00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:21,346 How was work? 430 00:16:21,348 --> 00:16:22,280 Awful. 431 00:16:22,282 --> 00:16:23,381 I hurt a millennial's feelings. 432 00:16:23,383 --> 00:16:24,716 When are their feelings not hurt? 433 00:16:24,718 --> 00:16:26,117 Hey! 434 00:16:26,119 --> 00:16:28,252 See? 435 00:16:28,254 --> 00:16:30,288 Nachos, on the house. 436 00:16:33,693 --> 00:16:35,126 Clay? 437 00:16:35,128 --> 00:16:36,327 Clark. 438 00:16:39,532 --> 00:16:41,265 What are you doing here? 439 00:16:41,267 --> 00:16:43,101 I heard you might be leaving and it was all my fault 440 00:16:43,103 --> 00:16:44,736 for crying, so I just wanted to say 441 00:16:44,738 --> 00:16:47,105 I do not deserve to walk in your shoes. 442 00:16:47,107 --> 00:16:49,374 This is totally unnecessary. 443 00:16:49,376 --> 00:16:52,143 And you should have brought a second pair of shoes. 444 00:16:52,145 --> 00:16:54,545 Look, Jack, you were right about what you said before. 445 00:16:54,547 --> 00:16:57,115 I don't know why I have a podcast. 446 00:16:57,117 --> 00:16:58,383 I have nothing important to say. 447 00:16:58,385 --> 00:17:01,285 But you do, and you inspire people. 448 00:17:01,287 --> 00:17:03,054 We need that around the office. 449 00:17:03,056 --> 00:17:04,539 I know I talk a big game, 450 00:17:04,540 --> 00:17:06,023 (whispering): but I sort of don't know what I'm doing. 451 00:17:08,128 --> 00:17:09,560 I posted one of your old Galápagos stories, 452 00:17:09,562 --> 00:17:11,129 like, two hours ago 453 00:17:11,131 --> 00:17:13,231 and it has 200,000 views so far. 454 00:17:13,233 --> 00:17:15,266 Whoa, 200,000? 455 00:17:15,268 --> 00:17:16,167 (laughs): It's pretty weak. 456 00:17:16,169 --> 00:17:17,368 Slow your roll, bro. 457 00:17:18,405 --> 00:17:19,737 But it was just getting started, 458 00:17:19,739 --> 00:17:21,139 and it triggered a crowdfunding campaign 459 00:17:21,141 --> 00:17:23,241 to help save the turtles-- take a look. 460 00:17:23,243 --> 00:17:24,175 That's a penis. 461 00:17:24,177 --> 00:17:26,244 Damn it, Mason! 462 00:17:26,246 --> 00:17:28,413 Look, I get it, you care-- thank you. 463 00:17:28,415 --> 00:17:30,782 And I don't want to disappoint Roland either. 464 00:17:30,784 --> 00:17:32,567 No, no, no, Roland's gonna be fine. 465 00:17:32,568 --> 00:17:34,351 It was Brooke's idea to bring you back from the field. 466 00:17:34,354 --> 00:17:36,254 It was Brooke's idea? 467 00:17:36,256 --> 00:17:38,256 Yeah, she's the one who convinced him to call you in. 468 00:17:40,193 --> 00:17:42,093 Thank you for telling me that. 469 00:17:42,095 --> 00:17:46,164 And look, these incredibly sweaty things are yours 470 00:17:46,166 --> 00:17:48,199 and you should wear them. 471 00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:50,201 Hey, I got an opening tomorrow for my podcast if you wanna... 472 00:17:50,203 --> 00:17:51,402 Don't push it. 473 00:18:04,517 --> 00:18:08,086 Yeah, I'd get out of there if I were you, too. 474 00:18:10,824 --> 00:18:12,107 Whoa! 475 00:18:12,108 --> 00:18:13,391 That must have been dirty and smelly. 476 00:18:13,393 --> 00:18:16,160 Is there any other way? 477 00:18:18,465 --> 00:18:20,631 Thank you for coming back. 478 00:18:20,633 --> 00:18:22,333 My dad will be very happy. 479 00:18:22,335 --> 00:18:23,201 Mm. 480 00:18:23,203 --> 00:18:24,202 Just your dad? 481 00:18:24,204 --> 00:18:25,303 Yes. 482 00:18:25,305 --> 00:18:26,137 Hmm? 483 00:18:26,139 --> 00:18:27,238 Yes! 484 00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:28,239 Okay. 485 00:18:28,241 --> 00:18:30,108 Good morning, you guys. 486 00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:32,510 I need to start with an apology. 487 00:18:32,512 --> 00:18:34,245 No, no, it's okay, I forgive you! 488 00:18:34,247 --> 00:18:35,580 We hashed it out last night. 489 00:18:35,582 --> 00:18:37,115 We hang out outside of work. 490 00:18:37,117 --> 00:18:39,550 It's cool, don't make a big deal about it. 491 00:18:39,552 --> 00:18:42,320 I know you guys always have to have fun at work, 492 00:18:42,322 --> 00:18:44,322 so I thought I'd bring you 493 00:18:44,324 --> 00:18:46,157 some of the real world that I keep talking about, 494 00:18:46,159 --> 00:18:49,594 courtesy of the Illinois Wildlife Conservatory. 495 00:18:50,864 --> 00:18:52,396 ALL: Aw! 496 00:18:52,398 --> 00:18:53,981 You guys, 497 00:18:53,982 --> 00:18:55,565 can we put away the phones for one second? 498 00:18:55,568 --> 00:18:57,201 I swear this will be an experience 499 00:18:57,203 --> 00:18:59,137 even without recording it. 500 00:18:59,139 --> 00:19:00,605 So, this is Henry. 501 00:19:00,607 --> 00:19:04,542 His species has had quite a bit of trouble recently, 502 00:19:04,544 --> 00:19:08,679 but with a little bit of help, he's gonna learn how to adapt. 503 00:19:08,681 --> 00:19:10,148 Wow, you know, in a way, 504 00:19:10,150 --> 00:19:11,282 that's a lot like what's happening... 505 00:19:11,284 --> 00:19:13,234 You draw a parallel right now, 506 00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:15,185 I will tear both your arms off and beat you with them. 507 00:19:16,189 --> 00:19:17,688 So, what do you think? Any ideas? 508 00:19:17,690 --> 00:19:19,457 We could set up an interactive fact sheet 509 00:19:19,459 --> 00:19:21,159 to chart his weight and growth. 510 00:19:21,161 --> 00:19:23,227 Our site can auto-route to the donation page. 511 00:19:23,229 --> 00:19:24,929 CLARK: And each page will have a link 512 00:19:24,931 --> 00:19:26,464 to one of Jack's essays 513 00:19:26,465 --> 00:19:27,998 about tracking the bears in their habitat. 514 00:19:27,999 --> 00:19:29,532 And I will tell my friends to read these links 515 00:19:29,536 --> 00:19:31,302 when I see them. 516 00:19:31,304 --> 00:19:32,603 In person. 517 00:19:33,907 --> 00:19:37,208 So, Roland, what do you think? 518 00:19:37,210 --> 00:19:39,210 Wonderful! 519 00:19:39,212 --> 00:19:41,579 Wonderful bear. 520 00:19:41,581 --> 00:19:43,347 I know you were talking, 521 00:19:43,349 --> 00:19:45,716 but I'm afraid I didn't hear a single word any of you said. 522 00:19:45,718 --> 00:19:47,585 It sounded enthusiastic, though, and motivated, 523 00:19:47,587 --> 00:19:49,554 so well done, good job. 524 00:19:49,556 --> 00:19:50,721 Now, 525 00:19:50,723 --> 00:19:52,290 Henry and I are going down 526 00:19:52,292 --> 00:19:53,524 for our nap. 527 00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:55,726 I put some scotch in his milk. 528 00:19:55,728 --> 00:19:57,495 Thank you all so much. 529 00:19:57,497 --> 00:19:59,730 It means the world to me, you know that. 530 00:19:59,732 --> 00:20:01,399 Come on, Henry. 531 00:20:03,369 --> 00:20:06,504 Well, kids, that was okay. 532 00:20:07,607 --> 00:20:11,709 Not great, not even really that good, but... 533 00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:12,710 But! 534 00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:14,712 We did all try really hard, 535 00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:17,381 and I think you know what that means. 536 00:20:17,383 --> 00:20:18,382 Trophies?! 537 00:20:18,384 --> 00:20:19,684 Uh-huh! 538 00:20:23,756 --> 00:20:25,323 Here you go. 539 00:20:26,426 --> 00:20:28,226 I'm just gonna give him part of it. 540 00:20:28,228 --> 00:20:29,961 I don't feel like he really participated. 541 00:20:37,270 --> 00:20:40,471 Mr. Gordon, do you realize why we're here again? 542 00:20:42,875 --> 00:20:45,476 I brought a bear into the office. 543 00:20:45,478 --> 00:20:46,477 You brought 544 00:20:46,479 --> 00:20:49,547 a bear into the office. 545 00:20:49,549 --> 00:20:51,415 And? 546 00:20:51,417 --> 00:20:53,751 And it ate Esther's support animal. 547 00:20:57,590 --> 00:20:58,990 Um... hmm! 548 00:20:58,992 --> 00:21:00,424 Captioning sponsored by CBS