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转载请勿删除译者信息 翻译/制作：一名童鞋
一名童鞋 熬夜奉献
二十世纪福克斯
漫威影业 联手奉上
这是一群恶棍的故事
主演：上帝最钟爱的混蛋
性感男神
还有个辣妹
一个英伦恶棍
一场喜剧大餐
一个神经质少年
再加个CG人物
以及一个过来客串的
制片就是个傻叉
编剧才是真英雄好吧
导演是吃白饭的家伙
嗨，我就是死侍！！
在后面好寂寞哦 Kinda lonesome back here.
呃 帮把手…… Yeah, little help.
呃…那个…我双手不能离开方向盘 Okay, um, just, I have to keep my hands on the wheel.
不好意思 喔~ Excuse me. Whoo!
多平德 Ah, Dopinder.
死侍，姓死 Pool. Dead.
嗯…不错啊！ Hmm, nice.
闻起来不错吧？ Smells good, no?
我没说那花，那妞~ Not the Daffodil Daydream. The girl.
啊，是吧，吉塔 Ah, yes. Gita.
她很可爱的 Hmm. She is quite lovely.
她本来很适合当我老婆的 She would have made me a very agreeable wife.
但是…呃… But, um...
吉塔的心却被我老表 班杜 勾跑了 Gita's heart has been stolen by my cousin Bandhu.
他勾人的能力太强了 强的可耻 He is as dishonorable as he is attractive.
多平德，我知道我今天 Dopinder, I'm starting to think
为什么要坐你的车了 there's a reason I'm in this cab today.
是啊，你电话预约的嘛，记得吧？ Yeah, sir, you called for it, remember?
不是，我悲催的朋友，爱 是非常美好的事情 No, my slender brown friend. Love is a beautiful thing.
当你找到了真爱，整个世界 When you find it, the whole world
就都是你那花的味道 tastes like Daffodil Daydream.
所以你必须抓住你的爱 So you gotta hold onto love...
抓紧！ ...tight! Ah.
绝不能放手 And never let go.
千万别犯了我一样的错误 Don't make the same mistakes I did.
明白？ Got it?
否则整个世界的味道就变成了“妈妈囧”练完瑜伽的味道了 Or else the whole world tastes like Mama June after hot yoga.
那么，“妈妈囧”到底是啥味道啊？ Sir, what does Miss Mama June taste like?
就像两个流浪汉在操一只装满小便的鞋子 Like two hobos fucking in a shoe filled with piss. Okay, enough.
单这个我能说一天，多平德，关键是那感觉不好！ I can go all day, Dopinder. The point is, it's bad!
是不好…… Hmm, it's bad.
为什么你穿一身红啊，死先生？ Uh, why the fancy red suit, Mr. Pool?
喔，那是因为今天是圣诞节，多平德 Oh, that's because it's Christmas Day, Dopinder.
而我在找我淘气名单上的那个捣蛋鬼 And I'm after someone on my naughty list.
我已经用了1年零3周 I've been waiting one year, three weeks...
6天再加…噢… six days and, oh...
14分钟去等着报复他对我做的那些事 14 minutes to make him fix what he did to me.
那…他对你做了什么啊，死先生？ And what did he do to you, Mr. Pool?
这幅屎样子！ This shit...
嘣！ Boo!
他们不会让你失望的 They won't disappoint.
最好不会 They'd better not.
那下个月的货怎么说？ And what about next month's shipment?
一个都没了 There won't be one.
你不是唯一一个等着干仗的人 You're not the only one with a war to win.
那可不行 That won't do.
你看，关于这次交易的… See, we've had this small disruption
这个小插曲呢… to our supply chain...
我们会感激您的耐心的 We'd appreciate your patience.
好吧 OK
那我们下个月全部交货 We'll deliver in full the following month.
很高兴和你合作 Pleasure doing business with you.
妈逼变种人！ Fucking mutant.
啊！操！ Oh, shit!
我忘拿弹药包了！ I forgot my ammo bag.
那我们回去吗？ Shall we turn back?
不，没时间了 No, no time.
操了，还有这个…… Fuck it. I got this.
9、10、11、12 颗子弹，别卡壳 9, 10, 11, 12 bullets, or bust.
就这儿！ Right here!
总共27块5 That's, uh, $27.50.
我上工的时候从不带钱包 I... I never carry a wallet when I'm working.
都在我西装兜里呢 Ruins the lines of my suit.
但是 But, uh
来个爽快的击掌怎么样？ how about a crisp high five?
好吧~ Okay.
圣诞快乐！ Merry Christmas.
那祝你四月的周二过的愉快，死先生！ And a convivial Tuesday in April to you too, Pool!
§ 嘿，耶 - 我想咻一发，宝贝 § Hey, yeah I wanna shoop, baby
§ 咻 咻吧都 咻吧都 § Shoop shooop ba-doop, shoop ba-doop
§ 咻吧都 吧嘟 吧嘟 § Shoop ba-doop, ba-doop, ba-doop
§ 两个人如胶似漆，特别是后入的时候 § You're packed and you're stacked 'specially in the back
§ 哥们啊，简直谢谢你妈给你生得两瓣好翘臀 § Brother, wanna thank your mother for a butt like that
§ 能给我吃点炸熟的一翘一翘的屁股吗？ § Can I get some fries with that shake-shake boobie?
§ 如果美貌可以杀人那你简直是机关枪 § If looks could kill you would be an uzi
§ 是霰弹枪 嘭！ § You're a shotgun, bang!
哇~喔！ Wha... Oh!
喔，哈喽！我知道你们想说啥，对吧？ Oh, hello. I know, right?
我得爱抚谁的蛋蛋 Whose balls did I have to fondle
才能拍自己的电影呢？ to get my very own movie?
我不能告诉你们 I can't tell you,
但是他的名字跟“金港浪”很像 but it does rhyme with "Polverine."
还有呢… And let me tell you,
他有一对非常光滑顺手的“健身球”吊在下面 he's got a nice pair of smooth criminals down under.
随便啦，我还有个地方要去 Anyway, I got places to be,
还有张脸要整容，还有…嗷… a face to fix and, oh...
有坏人要杀了 Bad guys to kill.
小宇宙爆发了！ Maximum effort.
打蛋蛋！ Cock shot.
哈！ Ha!
土豪啊，柯林斯皮革！ Rich Corinthian leather.
我在找弗朗西斯！ I'm looking for Francis!
你见过这个人吗？ Have you seen this man?
噢、噢、噢、噢 Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
噢、噢 Ow. Ow!
我拽！我拉！ Yanky, yanky!
我以前从不这么说，但是别咽下去 I've never said this, but don't swallow.
操了 Shit.
我炉子是不是忘关了？ Did I leave the stove on?
现在播报，突发新闻 Now, breaking news.
今晨市内高速公路上多车相撞 A multi-car collision turned shots fired
同时发生火并事件 on the crosstown expressway this morning.
警方已在现场实施交通管制 Gridlock has kept police from the scene.
建议广大市民留在室内 Residents are advised to remain in their homes.
肇事者似乎全副武装 The assailant appears to be armed,
极度危险，并且身穿…… dangerous, and wearing...
红色服装 a red suit. A red suit.
死侍！ Deadpool.
黑后！过来！有事干了！ Negasonic! Come, we have mission.
钢力士, 等一下 Colossus, wait up.
我给了死侍几乎所有的机会让他加入我们 I've given Deadpool every chance to join us...
但他始终像个孩子似的 but he'd rather act like a child.
还是个全副武装的孩子 A heavily-armed child.
他什么时候才能长大到 能看到做个X战警的好处 When will he grow up and see benefits of becoming X-Man?
有什么好处，都穿紧身衣？ Which benefits? The matching unitards?
还是每隔几年被炸次房子？ The house that blows up every few years?
拜托 Please.
房子炸了才能当主演啊 House blowing up builds character.
你吃早饭了吗？ You ate breakfast, yes?
早餐是一天当中最重要的一顿 Breakfast is most important meal of day.
给，高蛋白营养棒，对骨头有好处 Here, protein bar. Good for bones.
说不定死侍会捏碎你的骨头呢 Deadpool may try to break yours.
快闪开！ Get out of the way!
嘿！喔！ Hey! Whoo!
等等！ Wait!
你们也许很好奇我为什么穿一身红 You may be wondering, "Why the red suit?"
那是因为这样坏蛋就看不到我流血了 Well, that's so bad guys can't see me bleed.
这家伙有想法了 This guy's got the right idea.
他穿了棕色的裤子 He wore the brown pants.
好吧！我只剩12颗子弹了 Fine! I only have 12 bullets...
所以你们得一起享用了！ so you're gonna have to share!
把他们逐一干掉吧！ Let's count them down.
操了！ Shit.
妈了…逼的！！！ Motherfucker!
10！操了！ 10! Shit!
9！妈的！ Nine. Fuck.
8！ Eight.
操了-妈的！ Shit-fuck!
坏死侍 Bad Deadpool.
7，好死侍~ Seven. Good Deadpool.
啊！ Oh!
有人不会数数咯，6 Someone's not counting. Six.
啊！ Oh!
4…… Four...
干掉！ Gotcha.
被直捣黄龙了！ Right up main street.
- 3！2！傻逼！- 值得的~ Three, two! Stupid! Worth it.
啊！ Ah!
今晚我要自撸几把 I'm touching myself tonight.
弗朗西斯！ Francis!
弗朗西斯！ Francis...
什么傻逼玩意！ What the shit-biscuit!
你跑哪了弗朗西斯！ Where you at, Francis?
你不是弗朗西斯！ You're not Francis.
搞毛？还卷袖子？ Really? Rolling up the sleeves?
你估计正在纳闷 You're probably thinking,
“我男朋友说这是个超级英雄电影啊” "My boyfriend said this was a superhero movie...
“可是那个穿红麻袋的家伙” "but that guy in the red suit just turned
“怎么把别人捅成了羊肉串？” "that other guy into a fucking kabab!"
好吧，我可能超屌，但是…我不是…英雄… Well, I may be super, but I'm no hero.
总之，坦率的说，这是一起谋杀 And yeah, technically, this is a murder.
但是那些甜美的爱情故事总是伴随着谋杀 But some of the best love stories start with a murder.
而这部电影讲的就是……一个爱情故事 And that's exactly what this is, a love story.
这绝对是事实！ And to tell it right...
我要把你们带回 I gotta take you back to long before
我穿这件红色性感弹力裤 很久之前的时候 I squeezed this ass into red spandex.
听着，我是不是慢点跟你说比较好？ Look, would it help if I slow it down for you?
我……没点……这……披萨…… I didn't order the pizza.
这里是红礁街7348号吗？ Is this 7348 Red Ledge Drive?
你是莫琴特先生吗？ Are you Mr. Merchant?
是！可我这莫琴特先生没点这傻逼派！ Yeah, the Mr. Merchant who didn't order the fucking pie!
那谁打的电话？ Then who placed the call?
我打的！ I did!
凤梨橄榄味的？ Pineapple and olive?
甜咸两吃啊！ Sweet and salty.
你他妈谁啊？ The fuck are you?
你妈逼在我屋里干嘛呐？ The fuck you doing in my crib...
没烤糊吧？ Is it burnt crust?
天啊，希望没有… I... God, I hope not. Um...
听着，是不是那次牌局的事？ Whoa... Man, look, if this is about that poker game.
我跟豪伊说了…我说… I told Howie, I told him that...
好吧，呃，听着，你要什么我都给你 Okay, uh, look, just take whatever you want.
谢了！ Thanks.
先生，在你对他做什么事情之前 Sir, before you do anything to him,
是不是应该多给一些小费呢？ do you mind if I get a big tip?
杰瑞米，对吗？ Jeremy, is it?
韦德·威尔逊 Wade Wilson.
这可不是在 Tip-A-Roo 餐厅，杰 That is a no go on the tiperoo, Jer.
我不是来找他的 I'm not here for him.
我是来找你的 I'm here for you.
噢 Oh.
OK 哇哦 看来花生米不用我吃了… Okay, wow, dodged a big-time bullet on that one.
你！病危期还没过呢！ Not out of the woods yet.
你需要认认真真的清醒清醒 You need to seriously ease up on the bedazzling.
那是牛仔，不是吊灯 They're jeans, not a chandelier.
还有，你钱包我就勉为其难的收下了 P.S. I'm keeping your wallet.
你还真是挺大方的 You did kinda give it to me.
你看，哥们，我能拿回我…… Okay, just look, man, can I have my Sam's card...
我会一枪崩了你的傻逼猫！ I will shoot your fucking cat!
我真没听懂你什么意思，我没养猫 I don't really know what that means. I don't have a cat.
那我刚才拉到谁的猫砂上了？ Then whose kitty litter did I just shit in?
随便谁吧…… Anyhoo
话说回来，什么情况 tell me something...what situation
不会被美味的披萨打断呢？ isn't improved by pizza?
你碰巧认识 梅根·奥福露斯基 吗？ Do you happen to know a Meghan Orflosky?
是这么说的吗？还是 奥福劳斯基、奥福楼斯基？ Getting that right? Orflosky? Orlovsky? Yeah? Good.
正好她也认识你 Because she knows you.
杰瑞米…我属于一个只要出一分钱 Jeremy, I belong to a group of guys
就能帮人出头的组织 who take a dime to beat a fella down.
那个小梅跟，她没什么钱 And little Meghan, she's not made of money,
但是运气不错 but lucky for her...
我心太软了 I got a soft spot.
我那个…… But I'm a...
你个跟踪狂 A stalker.
这是暴力威胁，杰 Threats hurt, Jer.
虽然这刀几乎没什么锯齿 Though not nearly as badly as serrated steel.
但是你要离梅根远点， So keep away from Meghan.
好吗？ Cool?
是的，先生 Yes, sir.
那没事了 Then we're done.
等等，是…是吗？ Wait. We are?
是，完全没事了 Yeah. We're totally done.
你看你那表情！ You should've seen your face.
我不知道该怎么办啊，我很害怕…… I didn't know what to do. I was so scared.
我心很软，还记得吗？ Soft spot, remember?
就算你往她的大致方向看一眼 You even look in her general direction again...
你就会发现最痛苦的事情就是 and you will learn in the worst of ways
我也有“硬”的地方 that I have some hard spots too.
不能对小孩子这么说 That came out wrong.
那就直接干？ Or did it?
嗯 梅根？ Mmm... Meghan?
你听到杰瑞米最后说的话了吧，他说对不起 You've heard the last of Jeremy. He's sorry.
不了个是吧！ No friggin' way.
真应该把我的旱冰鞋拿过来 Should've brought my roller blades.
让这些小屁孩见识见识 Show these kids how it's done.
这就是为什么我们要这么做 Oh. And that's why we do it.
但是大多是因为钱 But mostly the money.
嘿，你能揍我后爹一顿吗？ Hey, think you could fuck up my step-dad?
如果我让一个人跟地板亲嘴 I give a guy a pavement facial,
那只能是因为他罪有应得 it's because he's earned it.
嘿，等等 Hey, wait!
你是我的英雄 You're my hero.
不不不不不，这个我可不做 No-no-no-no. That I ain't!
不，绝对不当 Nope. Never will be.
日你妈，韦德 Oh. Fuck you, Wade.
我只是个收钱打更坏的坏蛋的坏蛋而已 I'm just a bad guy who gets paid to fuck up worse guys.
欢迎来到 [玛格丽特姐妹吧] Welcome to Sister Margaret's.
这里就像是个佣兵的招聘会 It's like a job fair for mercenaries.
把我们想象成敲掉你的牙 Think of us as really fucked up tooth fairies...
然后还收你钱的傻逼牙医就好了 except we knock out the teeth and take the cash.
你最好祈祷你的名字 You'd best hope we never see
不会出现在我们的金卡上面 your name on a gold card.
巴克！ 莱斐德！ Buck! Liefeld...
嘿，韦德 Hey, Wade!
韦德·威尔逊，可怜的守护神 Wade Wilson, patron saint of the pitiful.
给你来点什么？ What can I do for you?
我想来一发“吹箫” I'd love a Blow Job.
喔，天，我也想 Oh, God, me too.
我说喝的，绵柔的那个，但是，首先…… The drink, moose knuckle. But first...
嘿，我可不收小屁孩的钱 Hey, and I ain't taking any babysitting money, all right?
要确保那些还给那个…… Make sure that gets back to Ms...
奥尔洛夫斯基 Orlovsky.
对，就她 Yeah, her.
你确定？ You sure?
嗯 Hmm.
作为一个佣兵，你太热心肠了 You know, for a merc, you're pretty warm-blooded.
打赌你搞定那孩子肯定是小菜一碟 I bet you let the kid off easy, too.
他不是个多坏的孩子 Oh, he's not a bad kid, Weas.
只是有点跟踪而已 Just a little light stalking.
我像他那么大的时候严重多了 I was way worse than him when I was his age.
我在异国他乡…… I was traveling to exotic places...
巴格达啊，摩加迪沙啊，杰克逊维尔啊 Baghdad, Mogadishu, Jacksonville,
勾搭一些新的刺激的人，然后…… meeting new and exciting people. And then, uh...
杀光他们，耶，看过你的ins了 Killing them. Yeah, I've seen your Instagram.
话说特种部队在杰克逊维尔做什么？ So what was Special Forces doing in Jacksonville, anyway?
那可是机密 That's classified.
不过有个很棒的美国星期五餐厅 They have a wonderful TGI Fridays.
好了，甘露、百利酒 All right, Kahlua, Baileys and...
再加……奶油 whipped cream.
赐给你了，“吹箫” I give you a Blow Job.
你让我做杯这干什么？ Why do you make me make that?
凯丽、凯丽、凯丽、凯丽…… Kelly, Kelly, Kelly...
把这个捎给巴克 Take that over to Buck please,
就说是布斯送的，再调戏一下他~ and tell him it's from Boothe. Little foreplay.
给点提示，有什么好戏要看了吗？ Remind me what good will come of this?
我才不管，我只是给他们牵根红线 I don't take the shits. I just disturb them.
布斯！噢！ Boothe! Oh!
悠着点 伙计 住手！住手！ Easy, man. Hold up! Hold up!
你想干嘛？ What you want?
干杯，敬你的健康 Cheers. To your health.
操你嘴 Fuck you.
过来吧，肥猪！ Come here, you fat fuck!
那是个新凳子 That's a new stool.
妈逼躺下吧 Stay the fuck down.
喔哈！干翻他了！ Whoa! Took his ass out!
好了，闪开、闪开、闪开 All right, move. Move, move, move.
巴克，歇着去 Buck, go rest.
布斯被放倒了！ Boothe got hit then went down.
耶，他还在喘气儿 Yeah, he's still breathing.
今天谁都没赢 Nobody wins today.
干的好事，韦德 Nice try, Wade.
被发现了，我在“死池”里下注赌布斯会死 You got me. I picked Boothe in the dead pool.
你下了谁的？ Who did you pick?
你懂的，韦德，关于这个…… Yeah, Wade, about that, um...
别 No.
你不是赌我会死吧…… You did not bet on me to die.
你赌我会死，哇哦 You bet on me to die. Wow!
你他妈的是世界上最差劲的朋友了 Motherfucker, you're the world's worst friend.
看不起你，我会活到102的 Well, joke's on you. I'm living to 102.
然后再死，而且死在底特律 And then dying. Like the city of Detroit.
抱歉，我太想赢钱了 I'm sorry. I just... I wanted to win money.
我啥都没赢过 I never win anything.
随便啦 Whatever.
佣兵们，今天的酒我请了！ Soldiers of fortune, drinks on me!
国产的！不能喝进口的！ Domestic, nothing imported.
哇哦、哇哦、哇哦、宝贝…… Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa...
你确定你要“弹尽粮竭”吗？ Baby, are you sure you wanna shoot your whole wad?
呃……太多！ Uh... Tight.
温妮萨 Vanessa.
韦德 Wade.
像你这样的女孩在这种好地方做什么呢？ What's a nice place like you doing in a girl like this?
我打了一下 I'd hit that.
巴克，你最好道歉，以免…… Buck, you best apologize before...
耶……这样…… Yeah, that.
该说咒语了吧，肥猪版甘道夫 Say the magic words, Fat Gandalf.
我很抱歉~ I'm sorry.
用鼻子呼吸 Breathe through the nose.
是我…条件反射太没脑子…… I don't have a filter between my brain and my...
OK，嘿，噢、噢、噢 Let go. Okay. Hey, oh, oh, oh...
哈库那他的他他，他道歉了！ Hakuna his tatas. He's sorry.
快出去，施法去吧 Get out of here. Go. Go cast a spell.
嘿，把你的手从“商品”上拿开 Hey. Hands off the merchandise.
商品，哈 Merchandise? Huh...
那么你…呃… So you, uh...
付费玩“毛绒球”吗？ bump fuzzies for money?
耶~ Yep.
悲催的童年？ Rough childhood?
比你悲催 Rougher than yours.
我爹在我出生之前就不要我了 Daddy left before I was born.
我爹在怀胎之前就不要我了 Daddy left before I was conceived.
你身上有被烟头塞着烫过吗？ Ever had a cigarette put out on your skin?
你还有其他地方被塞着烫过？ Where else do you put one out?
我被性骚扰过 I was molested.
我也是，被叔叔 Me too. Uncle.
叔叔们，他们轮换着…… Uncles. They took turns.
我只能通过壁橱的锁孔 I watched my own birthday party
看着自己的生日派对 through the keyhole of a locked closet...
就在我… which also happens to be my...
你的卧室，幸运，我只能睡洗碗机箱子 Your bedroom. Lucky. I slept in a dishwasher box.
你们还有洗碗机！ You had a dishwasher.
我都快不知道什么是睡觉了 I didn't even know sleep.
几乎全天候的SM It was pretty much 24/7 ball gags,
肛交还有小丑色情 brownie mix and clown porn.
谁会愿意做这种事情？ Who would do such a thing?
但愿你愿意 Hopefully you,
今晚稍后？ later tonight?
那我用275块能干点什么，再加一张 What can I get for, uh, $275 and a...
“酸奶奖励”卡 a Yogurtland rewards card?
宝贝，给你48分钟做你他妈想做的事情吧 Baby, about 48 minutes of whatever the fuck you want.
加送你个低脂甜点 And a low-fat dessert.
她是把一张优惠卡塞你嘴里了吗？ Did she just put a gift card in your mouth?
是时候把球球放进洞洞里了 It's time to put balls in holes.
你说我想干什么就干什么的 You said whatever I want.
我明白了 I get it.
你喜欢快乐滚球 You love skee ball.
显然胜过喜欢阴道 Apparently more than you love vagina.
这是个艰难的决定 That's a tough call.
我只是想了解真实的你到底是不是 I just wanna get to know the real you, you know.
好莱坞兜售的扁扁的 Not the short-shorted, two-dimensional
二维性交对象 sex object peddled by Hollywood.
球打进洞里 Balls in holes.
准备迎接失败吧 Prepare to lose tragically.
搞定它，老兄 Bring it, big man.
OK Okay.
一发搞定？ Uh-oh.
一发搞定！ Uh-oh.
中了《战神金刚：宇宙的保护神》 The limited edition
限量版戒指，劳驾 Defender of the Universe ring, por favor.
OK，先放这边 Okay. Here we go.
我以前有过一个这傻逼玩意儿 Had my eye on this sucker for a while.
还有我的橡皮铅笔 And I will take the pencil eraser.
OK Okay.
你现在成了荣耀的阿鲁斯星球守护神 You are now the protector of the planet Arus.
而你能擦东西 And you can erase stuff...
还能写东西 written in pencil.
尊敬的女士 M'lady?
我不想扫你的兴 Well, I hate to break it to you...
但是你的48分钟到点了 but your 48 minutes are up.
我用这个东西能换几分钟呢？ Hey, how many more minutes can I get for this?
仅供参考，五个小狮子能变 FYI, five mini lion-bots come together
一个大机器人呢 to form one super-bot, so...
5个小狮子？3分钟 Five mini lion-bots? Three minutes.
成交 Deal.
那剩下的2分37秒做点什么那呢？ What do we do with the remaining two minutes, 37 seconds?
抱一抱？ Cuddle?
我们这样能做多久啊？ How long can you keep this up?
一整年？ All year?
情人节快乐 Happy Valentine's Day.
祝你春节愉快 Happy Chinese New Year.
今年是狗年… Year of the Dog.
放松…… Relax.
然后国际妇女节快乐 And Happy International Women's Day.
别、别、别 No. No. No.
四旬斋快乐 Happy Lent.
噢，噢 Ow, ow.
韦德！ Wade?
抱歉 Sorry.
万圣节快乐 Happy Halloween.
感恩节快乐 Happy Thanksgiving.
我爱你 I love you.
如果你的左腿是感恩节 If your left leg is Thanksgiving...
那你的右腿就是圣诞节…… and your right leg is Christmas...
那我能拜访一下这俩节日之间吗？ can I visit you between the holidays?
嗷… Oh!
你这毛衣好恐怖~ That sweater is terrible.
但是你穿红色还挺好看 But red looks good on you.
红色还是比较配你 Red's your color.
我穿就像你眼上长了血丝 Brings out the bloodshot in your eyes.
听着，我一直在想… Listen, I've been thinking...
真的？ Really?
我们在一起为什么这么棒 ...about why we're so good together.
到底为什么？ Why's that?
你的疯配上我的颠，完美 Well, your crazy matches my crazy. Big time.
嗯 Hmm.
我们就像两块七巧板 And, uh, we're like two jigsaw pieces,
就那种不规则的块块 you know, the weird curvy edges...
你必须把他们放到一起才能看清上面的图案 You put them together and you can see the picture on top.
没错 Right.
韦德 Wade...
有件事我一直想问你 there's something I've been meaning to ask you.
这都是因为你还没有问我 But only because you haven't gotten around to asking me.
你愿意…… Will you, uh...
- 帮我粘…… - 嫁给我？ stick it in my... Marry me?
呃……好尴尬 Uh... Jinx?
哈 Huh.
你是藏哪了啊？ Where were you hiding that?
没哪 Nowhere.
他们说这得一个月的工资，所以…… They say one month's salary. So, uh...
你是说…… You mean?
我愿意 I do.
这是我的话！ That's my line.
我爱你，韦德·威尔逊 I love you, Wade Wilson.
你不是应该…那么这… You're supposed to... So that's a...
当然了！ Yes!
YES！ Yes!
我怎么感觉像个小女孩~ I feel just like a little girl.
如果像这样永远抱着你不松手会怎么样 What if I just held on and never let go?
就像尤达骑着卢克跟个坐骑似的 Just ride a bitch's back, like Yoda on Luke.
星球大战的梗吗？ Oh, Star Wars jokes.
帝国反击战！ Empire.
我的老天爷 Jesus Christ.
这就像我是在电脑里创造的你一样！ It's like I made you in a computer.
嗯 Mmm.
嘿 Hey.
太棒了 Perfect.
那么 我尿尿去 Let's see. All right, wee break.
甩一甩 呀 Shake it, yeah.
事情呢是这样的 Here's the thing.
人生就像是一趟永无止境的专列 Life is an endless series of train-wrecks...
幸福总会被短暂的靠站打破 with only brief, commercial-like breaks of happiness.
而这次便成了一次永久的靠站 This had been the ultimate commercial break.
这就意味着是时候面对现实了 Which meant it was time to return
回归已经制定好的路线 to our regularly scheduled program.
怎么他妈的…… What the...
噢，我天，韦德！ Oh, my God. Wade?
你胡扯 You're clowning.
你肯定胡扯 You're not clowning?
我感觉像小丑似的 I sense clowns.
人们对癌症晚期的反应都是不同的 People react to news of late-stage cancer differently.
当然，我们还有其他选项 There are certainly options we can look into.
每天都有新的药物开发出来 New drugs are being developed every day.
那我们该怎么办 So what do we do?
说真的，肯定有什么是能补救的 Surely there is something we can do.
我叔叔伊万查出来患了甲状腺癌 My uncle Ivan was diagnosed with thyroid cancer...
用的都是些德国新开发的实验性药物…… and there were all these new experimental drugs from Germany.
温妮萨已经开始制定计划了，从计划A Vanessa's already working on Plan A, B,
一直排到了Z all the way through Z.
我？我记下了她脸上的所有细节 Me? I'm memorizing the details of her face.
就像我初次见她一样 Like it's the first time I'm seeing it.
然后最后…… Or the last.
威尔逊先生？ Mr. Wilson...
威尔逊先生？ Mr. Wilson?
花些时间处理这件事吧 Take your time to process this.
然后不要做任何不理智的事 It's important not to do anything rash.
那么，如果我是那个200磅重的 Now, if I were a 200-pound sack
叫弗朗西斯的混蛋的话，会躲哪呢？ of assholes named Francis, where would I hide?
噢 Oh.
“人群中一个漂亮的铲倒，用来欢迎来自 萨斯喀彻温” A hush falls over the crowd
“里贾纳 的 韦德·W·威尔逊 as rookie sensation Wade W. Wilson...
再好不过，准备射门~” out of Regina, Saskatchewan, lines up the shot.
“他状态看起来不错” His form looks good.
噢！ Oh!
“还有别忘了‘你贱呐’的押韵乐趣” And that's why Regina rhymes with fun.
“女士们、先生们，你们即将看到的是 Ladies and gentlemen, what you're witnessing...
香甜的踢鸡巴报复！” is sweet dick-kicking revenge.
“给他赞助点广告！ Oh! Giving him the business.
这就来！” Incoming!
“这下又把犯贱行为提升到了一个全新的高度！” This is taking unsportsmanlike conduct to a whole new level!
看起来不错，弗朗西斯，恢复的不错 Looking good, Francis. Well rested.
看来你以前是击球手，不是捕手 Like you've been pitching, not catching.
想起我是谁了吗？没？ Ringing any bells? No?
那现在呢？ How about now?
韦德·傻逼·威尔逊 Wade fucking Wilson.
不错啊，哈喽，小甜心 Well, hello, gorgeous.
是啊，我看起来就像是被受到了辐射的沙皮狗啃过似的 Yeah, like I got bit by a radioactive Shar-Pei.
那么这是拜谁所赐呢，弗朗西斯？ Yeah. And whose fault is that, huh, Francis?
是时候给我这漂亮的容颜找点安慰了 Yeah, time to undo what you did to this butterface.
你应该感谢我才是 Please, you should thank me.
很显然我赐给你了永生 Apparently, I made you immortal.
其实我好嫉妒的 I'm actually quite jealous.
是吧，但是这样的人生不太值，不是吗？ Yeah, but this ain't a life worth living, is it?
现在…… 我要对你做 Now, I'm about to do to you
跟软饼干乐队在九十年代做音乐一样的事 what Limp Bizkit did to music in the late 90s.
老爹？ Dad?
我想我们都同意这傻逼玩意 I think we can all agree that shit just went sideways
在某种意义上是挺硕大的 in the most colossal way.
不过，也不是哪都大 Well, maybe not the most.
那这个，是我最珍贵的东西 Uh... This is my most prized possession.
威萌？ Wham?
不不不，威猛乐队！ No, no, no. Wham!
[使其出名]是乔治和安迪的成名之作啊 Make It Big is the album that George and Andy earned the exclamation point.
那么，我是不是还应该微笑着 So, am I supposed to just smile
送你出门啊？ and wave you out the door?
你把这想象成春季大扫除就好了 Think of it like spring cleaning.
不过这个春季是死神而已 Only if spring was death.
天呐，如果我每次幻想跟伯娜黛特OOXX God, if I had a nickel for every time
都能得到五分钱就好了 I spanked it to Bernadette Peters.
听起来有不少呢 Sounds like you do.
伯纳黛特哪都不去 Bernadette is not going anywhere,
因为你也哪都不能去 because you're not going anywhere.
喝掉 Drink.
你说得对 You're right. Cancer is only in my liver,
癌细胞只是在我的肝、肺、前列腺和脑子里 lungs, prostate, and brain.
去掉这些我照样能活 All things I can live without.
哈 Ha.
你是属于这个家的 You belong here at home.
你有属于你的战神金刚 Surrounded by your Voltron
你的伯纳黛特、还有属于你的我 and your Bernadette, and your me.
听着，我们都知道这癌症就是他妈的一滩狗屎 Listen, we both know that cancer is a shit-show.
就跟雅科夫·斯米尔诺夫在爱荷华州博览会上 Like, a Yakov-Smirnoff- opening-for-the
为Spin Doctors做开场的演出一样 Spin-Doctors-at-the- Iowa-State-Fair
一滩狗屎 shit-show.
然后我也没有任何理由……把你……也牵扯进来 And under no circumstances will I take you to that show.
我只想让你记住我 I want you to remember me.
不是那个在圣诞节出现的我的鬼魂 Not the ghost of Christmas me.
我会一直记着我们的！ I wanna remember us.
我对天发誓，我如果能在下辈子碰见你 I swear to God, I will find you in the next life...
会在你的窗外用外放播《Careless Whisper》 and I'm gonna boom-box Careless Whisper outside your window.
威猛！！ Wham!
谁他妈还用外放啊 No one is boom-boxing shit. Okay?
我们能挺过去的 We can fight this.
对了，有一点我可以确认 Besides, I just realized something.
你赢了，你的人生确实 You win. Your life is officially
比我的操蛋多了 way more fucked up than mine.
我爱你！ I love you.
韦德 Wade.
威斯？ Weas.
看起来你需要撸一管再洗个澡 You look like you need a Blow Job and a shower.
也许更需要洗个澡先 Though courtesy calls for the latter first.
也许应该先来杯酒 How about three shots of Patron?
或者……尝尝这种魔法草 Or how about Triticum aestivum, wheatgrass.
对你的免疫力提升有奇效 Excellent for the immune system.
老天爷，你简直就是第二个温妮萨 Jesus Christ. You sound like Vanessa.
你看这些 Here, check it out.
她弄了很多诊所的宣传页 She's sending away for all these colorful clinic brochures.
也许有些都没有美国药监局发的资质 I'm sure they're all FDA approved.
车臣？这里不都已经病入膏肓了吗? Chechnya. Isn't that where you go to get cancer?
还有中国的、墨西哥中部的… You got China and Central Mexico.
你知道用西班牙语怎么读“癌症”吗? You know how they say "cancer" in Spanish?
不知道 No.
El Cancer. El Cancer.
我猜就是 I could have guessed that.
你这照片看起来高兴的很 Look how happy you look here.
我收走了啊 Mind if I keep this? Put it up,
这样我就可以记住你活着的时候是什么样子了 so I can remember when you looked alive.
看来“死池”赌注我是赢定了 At least now I'm gonna win the dead pool.
因为你就要死于悲催的癌症了 Now that you're gonna die tragically of cancer.
知道了，威斯，谢你了啊…… I got it, Weas. Thanks.
喔 Oh.
那边那个男的一直在等你 And, uh, that guy over there came in looking for you.
看起来像是死神来了 Real Grim Reaper type.
好像有什么需要似的 I don't know. Might further the plot.
布斯 Boothe.
韦德 Wade.
威尔逊先生 Mr. Wilson.
我能帮你什么？ How can I help you?
除了绑架孩子那种活儿…… Besides luring children into a panel van.
我知道你最近被诊断出了悲催的癌症并且命不久矣 I understand you've recently been diagnosed with terminal cancer.
你是跟踪狂？ Stalker alert.
这是我的工作，招聘~ It's my job. Recruitment.
我很遗憾你就要这么悲催的走了 I'm sorry you've had such a tough go.
但你是一个战士，前特种兵 But you're a fighter. Special Forces.
已确认有41人死在你的手里 41 confirmed kills.
那是漫长的7个星期 One every seven weeks.
很多人都掉了脑袋 Same rate most folks get a haircut. Hmm...
嗯，这酒味道不错 It's to wash the taste out.
可以让你忘了自己那么……牛逼 It's tough to forget being so impressive.
那现在呢？你荒废你的时光 And now you spend your days
在这些小人物身上？ sticking up for the little people...
是啊，人是会变的，你到底要干什么？ People change. What do you want?
我工作的机构也许可以帮助你 I represent an organization that may be able to help.
如果我告诉你我们可以治好你的癌症 What if I told you we can cure your cancer?
并给你大多数人梦寐以求的能力 And what's more, give you abilities most men only dream of?
我觉得这像是电视购物，但是…… I'd say that you sound like an infomercial,
不是卖多功能菜刀那种正常的 but not a good one, like Slap Chop.
更像是买‘飞机杯’哑铃的？ More Shake Weight-y.
这个世界需要个超级战士 The world needs extraordinary soldiers.
我们不仅能治好你 We won't just make you better.
还能让你变得无比强大 We will make you better than better.
变成超级英雄 A superhero.
听着 Look,
无敌特工 Agent Smith,
我试过扮演个超级英雄，还留过标志呢 I tried the hero business and it left a mark.
但是我以后有TM什么需要的话，会找你的 But if I ever hit "fuck it," I'll look you up.
哦，呃 Oh, um...
妈的，我们这离学校只有500码 Shit. We're within 500 yards of a school,
所以你也许那个……你懂的…… so you may wanna...
他的酒自己买单 His drink's on him.
他怎么说？ What did he say?
嘿，你怎么了？ Hey, what's going on?
嘿，抱歉 Hey. Sorry.
做了个连姆尼森的噩梦 I had a Liam Neeson nightmare.
我梦到我绑架了他的女儿 I dreamt I kidnapped his daughter
他来找我复仇了 and he just wasn't having it.
嘿，那个，《飓风营救》都拍3集了 Hey, uh, they've made three of those movies.
有时候你不得不怀疑他是不是个好爸爸 At some point you have to wonder if he's just a bad parent.
嗯 Hmm.
癌症最可怕的不是给你带来什么影响 The worst part about cancer isn't what it does to you...
而是对你爱的人带来了什么 but what it does to the people you love.
谁知道这家伙能不能救我的命？ Who knew if this guy could save my life...
但是我知道这是我唯一能拯救她的机会 but I knew there was only one way that I could save hers.
超级英雄是不是就是这样？ Isn't that what superheroes do?
OK，我们先捋一捋超级英雄的利弊权衡 Okay. Let's pro-con this superhero thing.
噢 Ow.
好处：他们干倒了很多混蛋 Pro: They pull down a gaggle of ass.
干洗衣服又打折 Local dry cleaning discounts.
拍电影还超挣钱，有两个宏大的故事起源 Lucrative film deals, both origin stories
还都有联合演出的电影 and larger ensemble team movies.
坏处：他们都被蹩脚头头玩弄于鼓掌 Con: They're all lame-ass teacher's pets.
你知道我能听见你说话 You know, I can hear you.
没跟你扯，我在跟观众说话呢 I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to them.
呆着别动 Stay right here.
我警告过你，死侍 You've been warned before, Deadpool.
你这么干是又鲁莽又可耻的 This is a shameful and reckless use of your powers.
你们俩都得跟我们走 You will both be coming with us.
听着钢力士，我没空听 Look, Colossus, I don't have time for
你这假正经的在这BB the goody two-shoes bullshit right now!
还有，你是？ And you are?
少年力量·黑后 Negasonic Teenage Warhead.
少年力量黑了吧唧…… Negasonic Teenage...
什么鬼？！ What the shit?
这是有史以来最酷的名字！ That's the coolest name ever!
这么说，你是他的……搭档？ So, what, you're like, uh, his sidekick?
不是，实习生 No. Trainee.
让我猜猜 Let me guess.
X战警怎么收了你？你走后门了？ X-Men left you behind on what? Shit detail?
那你又算怎么回事？ What does that make you?
先假装你不在这里吧，少年力量·黑后 Pretending you're not here, Negasonic Teenage Warhead.
咱俩换换名字吧？ Can we trade names?
我们能走了吗？ Can we go?
听着，“我只是个小女孩啊” Look! I'm a teenage girl.
“除了这里我去哪都行” I'd rather be anywhere than here.
“我要做的就是乖乖闭嘴” I'm all about long sullen silences...
“或者先随便发表几句意见，然后再乖乖嘴” followed by mean comments, followed by more silences.
那么到底该怎么做呢？ So what's it gonna be, huh?
是乖乖闭嘴 Long sullen silence...
还是发表意见呢？说吧 or mean comment? Go on.
好吧我被你说的无语了 You got me in a box here.
啊哈！ Aha!
我们不能让你这么干，死侍 We can't allow this, Deadpool.
拜托，安静会吧 Please, come quietly.
你这个不锈钢铁蛋蛋！ You big chrome cock-gobbler!
这可不够友好 That's not nice.
你他妈的真的要这么对我？相信我…… You're really gonna fuck this up for me?
这个生儿子不长屁眼的货不是空穴来风！ That wheezing bag of dick-tips has it coming.
他是个纯种的恶魔！ He's pure evil.
再说了 Besides...
没有人受到伤害啊 Nobody's getting hurt.
那家伙我来之前就已经在那了 That guy was already up there when I got here.
韦德，你的能力不止于此的 Wade, you are better than this.
加入我们吧，用你的能力做些善事 Join us. Use your powers for good.
小心了！ Heads up.
做个超级英雄吧 Be a superhero.
听着！ Listen!
我当上打击傻逼罪犯的义士那天 The day I decide to become a crime-fighting shit-swizzler...
那个又老又秃的老家伙还领着一群令人起鸡皮 who rooms with a bunch of other little whiners at the Neverland mansion...
疙瘩的变种人躲在那天堂门后面的傻逼豪宅里呢 of some creepy, old, bald, Heaven's Gate-looking motherfucker...
如果有那么一天 on that day...
我会给你们发一张闪闪发光的傻逼申请函的 I'll send your shiny, happy ass a friend request.
但在那之前 But until then,
我就要在这做我该做的事，或者说…… I'mma do what I came here to do.
我现在就一巴掌把你扇一边去！ Either that or slap the bitch outta you!
韦德……嘿 Wade... Hey.
闭嘴！小光头！ Zip it, Sinead!
嘿，傻屌侍！ Hey, douche-pool!
还有你最好给我老实…… And I hope you're watching...
好像很不幸 Quite unfortunate.
什么叫好像？！ That does it!
哦呜！ Oh!
小强啊！ Canada!
这可不太好 That's not good.
韦德，拜托~ Wade, please.
打蛋蛋！ Cock shot!
哦呜，你老婆真可怜！ Oh, your poor wife.
你真该停一停了 You really should stop.
所有恐龙都怕霸王龙 All the dinosaurs feared the T. rex.
我保证让你加倍奉还，大家伙！ I promise this gets worse for you, big boy!
真的好尴尬 This is embarrassing.
拜托了，省省吧 Please, stay down.
你以前听说过一条腿的人参加踢屁股大战吗？ You ever hear of the one-legged man in the ass-kicking contest?
你身上就没个“关闭”按键吗？ Do you have off switch?
有，就在前列腺旁边 Yeah, it's right next to the prostate.
或者说，那是“打开”按键？ Or is that the on switch?
你够了！ Enough!
我们去跟教授谈一谈吧 Let us go talk to the Professor.
年轻的还是老头的那个？ McAvoy or Stewart?
时间线太乱了…… These timelines are so confusing.
“不管是死是活，你都要跟我走！” "Dead or alive, you're coming with me!"
你会长好的 You will recover, Wade.
你一直都这样 You always do.
你们看过《127小时》吗？剧透来了！ You ever see 127 Hours? Spoiler alert.
噢，天哪，真恶心 Oh, my God. Nasty.
喔，这可是颜射，宝贝， Oh, there's the money shot, baby.
上帝在不在？我颜射他了 Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret.
真是 惨到 家了 Rock, meet bottom.
当生命他妈的到了尽头的时候 And when life ends up breathtakingly fucked...
通常可以追溯到一个重要且错误的决定上面 you can generally trace it back to one big, bad decision.
就是那个决定把你引向粪坑的 The one that sent you down the road to Shitsburgh.
这是，那个，这是以前的我 This? Well, this was mine.
威尔逊先生 Mr. Wilson.
没有什么能比改造一个人更让我暖心的了 Nothing warms my heart more than a change of someone else's.
你终于他妈的来了 You finally hit "fuck it."
你必须保证治好我 Just promise you'll do right by me.
那样我就能继续去撩妹了 So I can do right by someone else.
那是当然 Of course.
还有千万不要把我搞成绿色的 And please don't make the super-suit green.
卡通的更不行！ Or animated.
动起来，动起来！ Move it! Keep moving.
这地方看起来还算卫生 This place seems sanitary.
我第一个要求就是你们的手得更暖和点 My first request is warmer hands.
老天，手术台也再暖点 Oh! And, Jesus, a warmer table.
你们真该给个暂停口令 We should really come up with a safe word, fellas.
我觉得“猪肉炖豆子”不错 I'm thinking "pork and beans."
悠着点！ Easy.
做为一位女生你是不是有点太壮了？ Aren't you a little strong for a lady?
我现在姓王 I'm calling wang.
叼根火柴干嘛？ What's up with the matches?
用来剔牙？还是你是发哥的粉丝？ Oral fixation or just a big Stallone fan?
耐心点，甜心 Patience, Angel.
春宵一刻值千金啊 All in good time.
你这是大保健服务还是什么？ Are you here for the turndown service, or what?
又来了个嘴贱的 We have another talker.
我只是太兴奋了，这可是超级英雄首发纪念日啊 I'm just excited about my first day at superhero camp.
你他妈的闭嘴吧 Shut the fuck up.
威尔逊先生，我是阿贾克斯 Mr. Wilson, my name's Ajax.
我是这里的主管 I manage this workshop.
我常用的欢迎词一般都是比较委婉的 Ah, my welcome speech used to be full of euphemisms like...
“这可能会有点疼” "This may hurt a little."
“这可能会让你不舒服” "This may cause you some discomfort."
但是现在恕我直言了 But I've grown blunt.
这不是政府主导的研究计划 This workshop is not a government-led program.
这是一个私人机构资助开发你这种人的研究项目 It's a private institution that turns reclamation projects like yourself...
主要开发人体内的超能力 into men of extraordinary abilities.
但是你为了得到超能力而怕疼的话 But if you think super-human powers are acquired painlessly...
那就不好了 Wrong.
我会给你注射激活突变基因的血清到你的DNA里 I'm injecting you with a serum...
为了使它起作用 that activates any mutant genes lurking in your DNA.
我们需要你承受一定量的痛苦 For it to work we need to subject you to extreme stress.
你或许听说过“不入虎穴焉得虎子”之类的 You've heard that whole "make an omelet, break some eggs" bit, right?
我大概会弄疼你了，韦德 I'm about to hurt you, Wade.
我以前也是这里的一个病人，你懂的 I was a patient here once myself, you know.
这疗程对每个人的反应都是不同的 The treatment affects everyone differently.
它能让天使变成筋肉人 It made Angel inhumanly strong.
就我而言呢 它增强了我的反应能力 In my case, it enhanced my reflexes.
同时也烧焦了我的末梢神经 Also scorched my nerve endings,
让我感觉不到疼 so I no longer feel pain.
事实上呢 我其实什么都感觉不到了 And, in fact, I no longer feel anything.
谢……谢谢，谢了！ Thanks! Thank you. Thank you.
你牙上沾了东西 You have something in your teeth.
在你门牙的右边一点 Right in the middle there. Just, I don't...
好像……是个一片菜叶之类的 A little nugget of romaine lettuce or something.
我憋了很长时间了 It's been bothering me for a long time.
你最好看一下 Ah, made you look.
嘿，阿贾克斯是你的真名吗？ Hey, is Ajax your actual name?
不论怎么看都像是编的 Because it sounds suspiciously made up.
你真名叫什么？ What is it, really?
凯文？布鲁斯？斯科特？ Kevin? Bruce? Scott?
米奇？瑞克斯特？ Mitch? The Rickster?
该不是巴休·菲尔提吧？ Is it Basil Fawlty?
少说笑了 Oh, joke away.
这里从来都不存在的东西 One thing that never survives this place
就是你的幽默感 is a sense of humor.
那我们走着瞧咯 We'll see about that.
我也这么想的 I suppose we will.
他交给你了 He's all yours.
拜托 Oh, come on.
你要把我这孤家寡人留给这个 You're gonna leave me all alone here.
快点着的炸药包吗？ With less-angry Rosie O'Donnell?
工作原理呢是这样的 This is how it's going to work.
肾上腺素是血清必备的催化剂 Adrenaline acts as a catalyst for the serum...
所以我们得让你去受点苦吃 so we're going to have to make you suffer.
幸运的话 If you're lucky,
你的突变基因就能激活 the mutant genes will activate
并以惊人的方式展现出来 and manifest in a spectacular fashion.
如果不能 If not,
那么，我们必须继续折磨你才行 well, we'll have to keep on hurting you...
并用新的不同的方法 in new and different ways,
一次比一次痛苦的进行 each more painful than the last...
直到你最终变异成功…… until you finally mutate.
或翘辫子 Or die.
你是说就像个遗愿清单？ You mean a bucket list?
就像他妈的那个清单 Like a fuck-it list.
我真想去点个新的奥运火炬 I'd really like to light a spliff off the Olympic torch.
那你之后得传给我 Pass it to me right after.
再加一条:“跟WNBA的” Let's not forget naked tandem base-jumping
“萨克拉门托君主球队队员一起玩裸体跳伞” with the WNBA's Sacramento Monarchs.
我的所有遗愿清单条目都有裸奔类的 Anything on my bucket list would involve public nudity.
最后，送给梅勒迪斯·巴克斯特一个烤箱 Finally, giving Meredith Baxter-Birney a Dutch oven.
不是，是收到梅勒迪斯·巴克斯特送的一个烤箱 No. Receiving a Dutch oven from Meredith Baxter-Birney.
做一些香蕉薄饼……给我的孩子…… Making banana pancakes for my kids.
温妮萨 Vanessa.
我想见温妮萨 I wanna see Vanessa.
喔，真暖心啊 You're lovely.
你们我虽然跟谁都不熟，但是我好感动 I don't know about anyone else, but I'm touched.
我们在说笑呢 We were just joking.
不不，没事的 No, no. It's okay.
能分分神也不错 I encourage distractions.
不能让你放弃我们，不是吗？ Wouldn't want you giving up on us, now would we?
嘿，别动他一根汗毛坎宁汉 Hey, don't take any shit from him, Cunningham.
他那么坚强…… How tough can he be...
就像那个名字弗朗西斯一样 with a name like Francis?
弗朗西斯？ Francis?
那是他的真名 That's his legal name.
他从洗洁精瓶子上取的阿贾克斯 He got "Ajax" from the dish soap.
弗-朗-西-斯-…… F, R, A, N, C, I...
哎呦喂~ Oops!
从你干洗过的白大褂上拽下来的 Snagged the dry cleaning tag off your lab coat.
顺便说，我也许能给你个超级英雄折扣呢 FYI, I could probably get you the superhero discount.
你烦起人来还真是不休不止 You are so relentlessly annoying.
过奖了 Thanks.
之前没听人这么说过我 Never heard that before.
你为毛不能帮个忙，闭上你的鸡巴嘴呢？ Why don't you do us all a favor and shut the fuck up?
或者我帮你缝上吧 Or I'll sew your pretty mouth shut.
喔~ Oh...
我如果是你的话肯定不会这么做 I wouldn't do that if I were you.
你看，问题是这是24小时 See, here's the problem with
不间断的折磨 round-the-clock torture...
这就是你不能更上一层楼的原因了 is that you can't really step it up from there.
你是这么想的吗？ Is that what you think?
如果这都不能引起你的基因突变，那么…… If this doesn't unlock your mutation, then, well...
就没有什么能了 nothing will.
接下来我们要做的就是 Now, what we're going to do is
降低空气的含氧量 lower the oxygen concentration in the air...
以精确的控制你的窒息感受 to the exact point you feel like you're suffocating.
如果你的脑电波放缓 If your brainwaves slow,
并且大小便失禁了 meaning you're about to pass out...
那我们才会提升氧气含量 then we'll turn up the O2.
如果你的心跳速度降下来了 If your heart rate slows...
那就意味着你能自主呼吸了 meaning you're able to catch your breath...
那我们就再降下去 we'll turn it back down.
然后我们就离开你了 And that's where we'll leave you.
就这样 Right there.
我以为你们之前已经够混蛋了…… Oh, and I thought you guys were dicks before.
你知道最有趣的部分是什么吗？ You know the funniest part of this?
就是你仍然认为我们是在让你变成超级英雄 You still think we're making you a superhero.
就你？一个无名小混混？ You. A dishonorable discharge.
一个皮条客？ Hip-deep in hookers.
你什么都不是 You're nothing.
告诉你个小秘密，韦德…… Little secret, Wade.
我们这里不生产超级英雄 This workshop doesn't make superheroes,
我们只生产超级奴隶 we make super-slaves.
我们会给你带个控制项圈 We're gonna fit you with a control collar
然后把你卖给出价最高的人 and auction you off to the highest bidder.
然后接着你要做的事就是 Who knows what they'll have you doing?
恐吓公民、屠杀自由战士 Terrorizing citizens, putting down freedom fighters.
当然也可能只是修修草坪之类的 Maybe just mow the occasional lawn.
你他妈的有什么病啊？！ What the fuck is wrong with you?
这之后你就永远回不了家了 You're never going home after this.
现在你就勇敢面对吧 Now there's a brave face.
等，等…… Wait, wait! Wait. Wait.
说真的，你牙上现在真的粘了东西了 Seriously, you actually have something in your teeth now.
享受之后的这周吧 Enjoy your weekend.
一周？等等 "Weekend"? Back up.
一周？ Weekend?
我是不是说这是个爱情片？ Did I say this was a love story?
不，其实这是个恐怖片 No, it's a horror movie.
他妈的什么鬼！ Fucking hell.
看样子有人失去了衣锦还乡该有的样子了 Looks like someone lost his shot at Homecoming King.
你他妈的对我做了什么？！ What have you done to me?
我只是把你的压力等级 I've merely raised your stress levels
升到了最高 high enough to trigger a mutation.
你他妈的虐待狂！ You sadistic fuck!
我已经治好你了，韦德 I've cured you, Wade.
现在你的变异细胞可以治愈任何东西了 Now your mutated cells can heal anything.
它们早就以最快的速度治愈了你的癌症 It's attacking your cancer as fast as it can form.
没错，我之前就知道它们起作用了…… Yeah, I've seen similar side-effects before.
我能治好它们的 I could cure them...
但是那不是就没有乐趣了吗？ but where's the fun in that?
现在，我要再关你一次了，韦德 Now, I'm gonna shut you in again, Wade.
不是我需要这么做 Not because I need to.
是我想这么做 Because I want to.
再见了 Oh, well.
继续 Go ahead.
你闻起来就像一泡屎 Oh, you smell like shit.
唔啊 Whoa!
妈了逼的…… Motherfucker.
没事的，没事的…… Hey, hey, hey. It's all right, it's all right.
我觉得我们已经赢了一局了 I think we owe him that one, yeah?
你先走吧，走吧 You take off. Go on.
随后就到 Off you go.
快问快答 Quick question.
我叫什么名字？ What's my name?
我不这么认为 Didn't think so.
抱歉，弗朗西斯，我的嘴唇缝起来了 Sorry, Francis. My lips are sealed.
你不能杀我的 You don't want to kill me.
我是唯一一个能治好你的丑比样子的人 I'm the only one who can fix your ugly mug.
我叫什么名字？ What's my name?
韦德…… Wade.
我可不是仅仅治好了癌症 I didn't just get the cure to el cancer...
我是什么伤病都能痊愈 I got the cure to el everything.
但是只有一件事 But there was only one thing...
才是我真正关心的 that really mattered.
快点，我们走吧 Come on, let's go.
噢，那肯定很疼 Oh, that must hurt.
谢谢你了 Thank you so much.
老天，他太TM丑了 God, he's so fucking gnarly.
看那个人的脸 Look at his face.
噢 天爷，可怜的孩子 Oh, my God. Poor guy.
亲爱的，别看他 Honey, don't stare.
怪胎 Freak.
没门，我不是要把她弄的跟我一样丑 No way. I'm not making her life as ugly as mine.
拜托，韦德，没有那么坏的 Come on, Wade, it can't be that bad.
放屁 Ah, bullshit!
我现在就是个活生生的怪物 I'm a monster inside and out.
我他妈逼是属于某个马戏团的 I belong in a fucking circus.
韦德，温妮萨是爱你的 Wade, Vanessa loves you.
她不会在意你的… She doesn't care what you...
…嗷…… Oh! Oh.
你喜欢看到的这玩意吗？ Do you like what you see?
不 No.
你看上去就像是一个牛油果 You look like an avocado
操了另一个更老更丑的牛油果一样 had sex with an older, more disgusting avocado.
没错 Yeah.
一点也不温柔的，超大力的使劲操 Not gently. Like it was hate-fucking.
是完全不带任何感情色彩的 There was something wrong with the relationship...
狂风暴雨一般的 and that was the only catharsis
最最纯粹的性宣泄 that they could find without violence.
然后唯一能治好我丑逼样子的 And the only guy who can fix this fugly mug...
那个研究所里的英伦恶棍 is the British shitstick who ran the mutant factory.
就那样没影了……噗~ And he's gone. Poof!
你得做些什么来解决这个问题 Yeah, well you gotta do something to remedy this...
因为目前来看 because as of now,
你只能做一件事…… you only have one course of action.
太他妈对了 Damn straight.
- 找到弗朗西斯 - 去恐怖片里当演员 Find Francis. Star in horror films.
什么？ What?
主演个你自己的恐怖片 Star in your own horror films.
因为你现在看起来就像是鬼王弗莱迪 Because you look like Freddy Krueger
在操犹他州的地形图一样 face-fucked a topographical map of Utah.
下面我应该这么做： Here's what I'm actually gonna do.
我去找弗朗西斯的手下们 I'm gonna work through his crew
直到逼出他的下落 until somebody gives up Francis...
然后威胁他治好我 force him to fix this, then put a bullet in his skull...
接着在他脑袋上开个鸡巴天窗透透气 and fuck the brain hole.
我可不想再看到或者想象这些画面了 I don't wanna see that or think of it again.
但是那傻逼以为你死了，对吗？ But the douchebag does thinks you're dead, right?
是 Yeah.
那很好，你应该先不让他知道 That's good. You should keep it that way.
怎么，带个面具？ What, like, wear a mask?
对，带个厚厚的面具，全天候的 Yes. A very thick mask. All the time.
实在抱歉 I am sorry...
你…实在…… you are haunting.
有张让人梦魇不断的脸 Your face is the stuff of nightmares.
就像长了牙的睾丸 Like a testicle with teeth.
你会孤独终老的 You will die alone.
我是说你能死的话 I mean, if you could die.
理想情况下 也为他人着想一下 Ideally, for others' sake.
这没问题 That'll do.
那么你需要一套衣服还得取个名字 All you need now is a suit and a nickname...
比如韦德歪歪侠…… like Wade the Wisecracker...
或者夜魔瞎、不死先生…… or Scaredevil, Mr. Neverdie.
喔，草…… Oh, shit.
怎么了？ What?
我把我所有钱都压你身上了 I put all my money on you and now...
现在我意识到了我永远都不会赢了…… I just realized I'm never gonna win the, uh...
“死池” Dead pool.
死侍~队长 Captain Deadpool...
不，就… No, just...
就死侍，没错 Just Deadpool, yeah. Just Deadpool.
敬你，死先生 To you, Mr. Pool.
死侍 Deadpool.
这名字听起来简直吊炸天啊 That sounds like a fucking franchise.
疯狂计划启动！ This shit's gonna have nuts in it.
弗朗西斯在哪？ Where's Francis?
洗血渍要用苏打水加柠檬 Seltzer water and lemon for blood.
或者干脆穿红色吧，傻瓜 Or wear red. Dumbass.
不要让我问两次 WADE: Don't make me ask twice.
弗朗西斯 在哪？ Where... is Francis?
非得让我问第二次 He made me ask twice.
难道这面罩遮住声音了？ Is the mask muffling my voice?
弗朗西斯在哪？ Where's Francis?
妈逼弗朗西斯在哪？ Where the fuck is Francis?
你要被台除冰机弄死啦！ You're about to be killed by a Zamboni.
弗朗西斯在哪？ Where's Francis?
求你别杀我…… No! Please!
喔，天啊，真对不起~ Oh, God! I'm so sorry!
妈的跟个猴子一样！ Oh! You little spider monkey!
弗朗~西斯~在哪？ Where... is... Francis?
真搞不明白 This is confusing.
是因为你是女的而不能打？ Is it sexist to hit you?
还是因为你是女的才应该打呢？ Is it more sexist to not hit you?
真被你们弄糊涂了！ I mean, the line gets real... blurry.
弗朗西斯在哪？ WHERE IS FRANCIS?
告诉我你他妈的老板在哪！ Tell me where your fucking boss is
不然你就死定了！ or you're gonna die!
在5分钟之后！ In five minutes!
想通了就打这个电话 Don't hesitate to call me.
很高兴见到你，杰瑞德 Nice to see you, Jared.
哥的大鸡鸡等你等的~~ I'll take the footlong...
很寂寞~ Fully loaded.
唔啊，唔啊 Whoa, whoa!
之前杀了41个 41 confirmed kills.
现在是89了，差你一个到90 Now it's 89. About to be 90.
威尔逊先生？ Mr. Wilson?
叮叮 Ding-ding.
你看上去生龙活虎的 You're looking very alive.
啊！只是表像而已 Ha! Only on the outside!
结果不应该是这样…… This is not going to end well for me, is it?
是你的结果不应该很好才对 This is not gonna end well for you, no.
你老板在哪？ Where's your boss?
我可以告诉你确切的位置是…… I can tell you exactly...
你会说的，但是首先呢 Oh, you'll tell me. But first...
你们可能不想看这画面 You might wanna look away for this.
这头小猪猪要…… Now this little piggy went to...
谢谢你，无敌特工 Thank you, Agent Smith.
出租车 Taxi!
上车吧，感谢您的乘坐 Hop in! Great day for a ride.
我们已经知道这后面发生了什么 And we all know how this turned out.
糟糕了！你们肯定不是想看这个的 Whoops! You weren't meant to see that.
就这儿，正好快进到这里 There. All caught up.
停车吧 We're here.
抱歉！给你的垃圾上弄的都是血 Sorry about bleeding in all your garbage.
用苏打水和柠檬洗那血渍吧 Seltzer water and lemon for blood.
喔哦！ Whoo!
有时候愤怒起来简直无法控制 Some kinds of anger can't be managed...
就像你用了长达一年的时间 like the kind where your year-long plan
跟无关紧要的人扯鸡巴蛋！ ends with the wrong guy getting dismembered!
真可悲 不过没有什么比家更好的地方 That said, when it comes time to licking wounds,
来让你抚慰创伤了 there's no place like home.
啊，我家里还有个房客 是你们在前面见过的人 Ah, and I share that home with someone you've met,
自动洗衣房里的瞎老太，老艾 the old blind lady from the laundromat, Al.
天哪，真想来点可卡因 God, I miss cocaine.
就她 Her.
在第4面墙里打破第4面墙？ Fourth-wall break inside a fourth-wall break.
就像打破了第16面墙！ That's like 16 walls.
我们就像是蝙蝠侠和罗宾一样 She's like Robin to my Batman,
她又老、又黑、还是瞎子 except she's old, and black, and blind.
而且我觉得她爱上我了 And I think she's in love with me.
等等，确定罗宾也是爱蝙蝠侠的吗？ Wait, pretty sure Robin loves Batman, too.
老艾？ Al?
早上好，懒蛋鸡 Morning, sleepyhead.
这闻起来怎么就像条老娘们的裹脚布 It smells like old lady pants in here.
没错我是老了，但没裹脚布 Yes, I'm old. I wear pants.
但你不是娘们 But you're no lady.
喔~真舒服 Oh! So comfy.
我是个瞎子，我永远都不会看见你穿洞洞鞋 Upside of being blind: I've never seen you in Crocs.
你是说我这大大的橡胶的用来自慰的鞋子？ You mean my big, rubber masturbating shoes?
是的我知道 Yes, I know.
我虽然眼瞎 Downside of being blind...
但是却能听的更清楚 I hear everything in this duplex.
碰上硬茬了 Sit on a stick.
上点药？ Bactin?
好，上点药肯定好得快 Yeah. Bactin should do it.
那柜子是怎么装好的？ How's that Kullen coming along?
宜家的东西好像不会自动组装吧 IKEA doesn't assemble itself, you know.
用你说，[昆仑]系列的家具挺人性化 You're telling me. I don't mind the Kullen.
比[孤岛]系列改进很多 It's an improvement on the Hurdal.
拜托，随便选个都比[孤岛]强好吧 Please. Anything's an improvement over the Hurdal.
我还买过[尼斯]和[泰斯]，都比[孤岛]强百倍 I'd have taken an Hemnes or a Trysil over the Hurdal.
或者说我看到[昆仑]之前都兴奋不起来 Oh, no, I didn't get excited till I saw the Kullen.
螺丝，递过来 Screw, please.
这儿？现在？说笑呢吧 Here? Now? Just kidding.
你都瞎了几十年了 I know it's been decades.
会让你吃惊的 You'd be surprised.
恶心到我了 Pretty grossed out.
嗒~~~哒~~~ Ta... Da.
看来我需要“一个神奇的网站” I wish I never heard of Craigslist.
发布信息：“真诚找合租” And I quote, "Looking for roommate,
“希望你是个瞎子、喜欢次品……” "blind to life's imperfections.
“最好还心灵手巧” "Must be good with hands."
“或者喜欢组装家具，‘傻速来’更好” Or would you rather I build the IKEA, and you pay rent?
你今天脑袋被驴踢了吗？ Why such a douche this morning?
我给你讲讲吧 Let's recap.
那个把我变成这幅屎样子的傻逼玩意 The cock thistle that turned me into this freak...
今天从我“手”里溜走了 slipped through my arms today...
手里~ Arm.
抓住他是我重回性感路线的唯一机会 Catching him was my only chance
才能把我那超级性感的前女友追回来 to be hot again, get my super sexy ex back...
并且防止这种事情再发生在别人身上 and prevent this shit from happening to someone else.
所以没错，今天爽的就跟用狼牙棒 So, yeah, today was about as much fun
捅后庭自慰一样 as a sandpaper dildo.
当没闻到~ # driveby.
知道我们那位红衣朋友是谁了 Found out who our friend in the red suit is.
妈逼的韦德·威尔逊 Fucking Wade Wilson.
不过假如我也成那样了我也会带个面具的 I suppose I'd wear a mask too if I had a face like that.
真希望我能治好那病 I only wish I healed the same.
尽管这样 我们必须拔掉这根眼中钉 Still, we'll put him out of our misery.
记下这条 On our terms.
好的，给他治病的时候下手？ Right. And when he heals?
治不好了 He can't.
给他治病的东西那时候都烧完了 Not if there's nothing left of him to heal.
你知道吗，搞笑的是 You know, it's funny.
我都快不记得这个傻逼了 I almost miss the fucker.
我虽然喜欢挑战 I like a challenge.
但是他已经影响我的生意了 But he's bad for business.
走 我们去把他剔出来 Now let's go find him.
噢 Oh.
再吃点药？ Tylenol PM?
你之前给我的药都还没化完呢 You can stick that where you stuck the Bactin.
我现在还晕的跟什么似的 I raided my stash of wisdom tooth Percocet...
头上还有个土星在飞 and I am orbiting fucking Saturn right now.
不过还是很感谢你的关心 But I appreciate the gesture.
是我疯了吗？ 还是你的手就这么小？ Am I crazy, or is your hand really small?
跟肯德基里的勺子差不多 About the size of a KFC spork.
呃 Ugh.
我知道你为啥要这么让自己这么混蛋 I get why you're so pissy...
不过你永远不会开朗起来…… but your mood's never gonna brighten
除非你找到那个女孩 till you find this woman...
并告诉她你的感受 and tell her how you feel.
我都一直怎么跟你说的，米高女士 What do I keep telling you, Mrs. Magoo?
她不会要我的 She wouldn't have me.
如果你能看见我，你就明白了 If you could see me, you'd understand.
眼见不一定为实 Looks aren't everything.
眼见一定为实！ Looks are everything.
你有没有听过贝克汉姆说话？ You ever heard David Beckham speak?
声音尖的就像他跟一罐氮气口交过一样 It's like he mouth-sexed a can of helium.
你以为瑞安·雷诺兹 You think Ryan Reynolds got this far
是靠演技上位的吗？ on his superior acting method?
爱情是盲目的，韦德 Love is blind, Wade.
不…… No.
你是盲目的 You're blind.
所以你就只会躺在那里自怨自艾？ So, you're just gonna lie there and whimper?
不，我只是要等我这条胳膊度过青春期 No, I'm gonna wait till this arm plows through puberty...
然后我再拿出一个 and then I'm gonna come up with
全新的圣诞节计划 a whole new Christmas Day plan.
在此期间 In the meantime,
你可能会想离开这个房间 you might wanna leave the room.
因为我打赌你到时候一定会觉得我的手太大的 I bet it feels huge in this hand.
走，走，走，走，走…… Go, go, go.
所以那医生说：告诉你个坏消息 So, the doctor says, "The bad news is
你剩的时间不多了 "you don't have that long to live."
然后那病人说：我还有多长时间？ So, the patient says, "How long do I have?"
那医生说：5…… The doctor says, "Five."
那家伙说：5什么？ The guy says, "Five what?"
医生说：4…3…2… And the doctor says, "Four, three, two..."
需要帮忙吗，女士们？ Can I help you ladies?
喔，希望你能 Oh, I do hope so.
那么，我听说你也许知道 I heard you might be able to point me
我的一个朋友在哪 in the direction of a, um, friend of mine.
他叫 韦德·威尔逊 Name of Wade Wilson.
抱歉 Sorry.
从没听说过 I don't know the name.
嘿，你不能进到吧台里面 Hey, you're not supposed to be behind the bar.
我见过这个女孩 I've seen this girl.
这肯定就是温妮萨 Ah, this must be Vanessa.
我听说过很多你的事 I've heard so much about you.
亲爱的，你也许应该看看周围 Um, sweetheart, you might wanna look around.
这里真不是你胡来的地方 This isn't really the place to do something like that.
淡定甜心 Easy, Angel.
把这个小东西放下来 Put the little man down.
我们找到所需要的东西了 We have everything we need now.
你确定？ You sure?
不想来件花衬衫穿穿吗？ You don't want any clothes that are not monochromatic?
午夜还放《刀锋战士2》呢 Have fun at your midnight showing of Blade II.
呜吼 Whoo.
谢谢你们罩着我 伙计们 Thanks for having my back, guys.
韦德，我们这边出问题了 Wade, we have a fucking problem.
我是说…你这边… And by "we," I mean "you."
真不敢相信我们正在这么干 Ah, I can't believe I'm doing this.
有没有什么词是形容一半害怕一半生气的？ Is there a word for half afraid, half angry?
“生怕气”吧，我猜 "Afrangry", I guess.
你有没有想好怎么跟她说？ Have you decided what you're gonna say to her?
我就操了！ Fuck me!
估计这么说不太好 Uh, maybe not start with that.
嘿，放开了玩吧，现在 Hey, coming onto our stage right now...
收起你们羞射的表情吧！ give it up for Chastity!
要不像我超爱给她打电话那样找她吧，开句玩笑 Or as I like to call her, Irony.
我必须快点找到他，以免那个混蛋先下手了 Better find her fast before numbnuts does.
你怎么知道他在这儿？ How do you know she's in here?
因为我经常偷偷跟着她 Because I'm constantly stalking that fox.
我每次看到她就都像第一次似的 Every time I see her, it's like the first time...
特别是从这个角度 Especially from this angle.
你买不到爱情 You can't buy love,
但是可以租个三分钟 but you can rent it for three minutes.
你个傻逼胆小鬼！ Ah, you weak motherfucker!
加油！ Come on!
加油，告诉她真相吧 Come on, get it together.
这事关于你，也事关于温妮萨 This isn't about me, this is about Vanessa.
加把油 Here we go.
小宇宙爆发吧 Maximum effort.
温妮萨！ Vanessa.
外面有个人找你 Someone out back asking for you.
说什么关于你的前男友 Something about, uh, an old boyfriend.
我知道刚才那是你 I knew it was you.
好像一种奇怪的心灵感应 The weird, curvy edges.
就像个七巧板 Like a jigsaw puzzle.
这话还是留着给韦德·威尔逊说吧 You have Wade Wilson to thank for this.
嘿，她去哪了？ Hey. Hey! Where'd she go?
我见她去那后面了 Uh, I saw her head to the back.
追过去吧，小馋猫 Go get her, tiger.
草了！傻逼！ Fuck. Fuck!
妈了逼的！ Motherfucker!
等等…你那个… Wait, wait. Let's... Just...
傻逼玩意！ Cock juggling...
我们谈谈…… We can talk about what we're gonna...
妈了逼的！ Jiminy! Fuck face!
OK 或者你打打那个…… Okay, or you can hit that.
对对对，操！操！ Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck! Fuck!
别，别，好了，嘿！ No, no. All right. Hey!
操！操！！ Fuck! Fuck!
操！嘿，呃…… Fuck! Hey, um...
放松、放松、OK、OK…… Whoa! Whoa! Relax. Relax. Okay.
OK，我觉得这是个好的开头 Okay. I think that's a good start.
我他妈的要撕吃了这个傻逼！ Oh, I'm gonna rip his motherfucking...
等等 Wait.
找出来！找出来！ Find it! Find it. What?
- 我他妈要变绿巨人了！ - OK 好了 I'm gonna get angry. Okay. All right.
好了，OK，好了 All right. Okay. All right.
有了，这是温妮萨 Here. This is Vanessa.
不是，等等，这是弗朗西斯 What? No, wait. It's Francis.
他要你去找他 He wants you to come to him.
-这是什么？ -这是大便表情 What is that? That's the shit emoji.
是有俩眼睛跟一张笑脸的便便表情 You know, it's the turd with the smiling face and the eyes?
我之前很长一段时间一直以为这是巧克力雪糕 I thought it was chocolate yogurt for so long.
我需要武器 I need guns.
好啊，哪一支 Okay, which ones?
所有枪都给我！ I need all the guns!
没问题，好说 All right. Okay.
这是大概三千发子弹 That's about 3,000 rounds.
我们都知道其实给我12发就够了 We all know what I can do with 12.
嘿嘿，轻拿轻放，老奶奶 Hey, hey, careful with that, Ronnie Milsap!
我们要去打猎了 We're downrange.
我本来要在夜里组装茶几的 I was gonna spend the night
但这玩意貌似更好玩 assembling the Borje, but this is holding my interest.
我跟你说过！我要电视柜！不要茶几！ I told you, we're going with the Urvaj, not the Borje.
你最好给我记清楚了！要不就给我滚蛋！ Get it through your head or get out of fuck town.
去死 所有的危险品都在这了 Shit. That's all the pieces in the house.
不不不，过来，撩起来 Nah, nah... Come on. Let's go. Cough it up.
往上往上往上…… Up, up, up.
往下往下往下…… Oh. Down, down, down.
操你嘴 Fuck you.
点45口径，口味不错 .45 cal. I like it.
韦德…… Wade...
按说我应该跟你一块去 I'd go with you,
但是……我不想去 but I don't want to.
呃……听着，老艾 Uh... Listen, Al...
如果我以后再也不能见你了 if I never see you again,
你要知道我其实很爱你的 I want you to know that I love you very much.
对了还有，我把116克的可卡因 And also, uh, there's about 116 kilos of cocaine
藏在这个房间里了 buried somewhere in the apartment...
就在你治眼睛的药右边，祝你好运 right next to the cure for blindness. Good luck.
要不要一块嗨一下？ You wanna get fucked up?
把她绑那边去 Put her down over here.
胶带揭开吧 Go on then.
谢你了，小婊子，我是说你呢 Thanks, dickless. And I mean you.
你也是个话唠，你跟韦德都是 Wow. You're a talker too. You and Wade.
我想说的是你们这群混蛋 I've been trying to tell you assholes,
抓错人了好吧 you've got the wrong girl.
我前男友已经死了 My old boyfriend, he's dead.
是吗，我之前也以为是呢 See, I thought that too.
但是他又回来了 But he keeps on coming back.
像个不死小强 Like a cockroach...
但更丑了 but uglier.
虽然，我也不知道怎么回事但确实没死 Now, I may not feel, but he does.
那么我们就看看他会怎么为你而战吧 Let's see how he fights with your head on the block.
瑞普利！你来自《异形3》！ Ripley, from Alien 3!
操，你泄露年龄了 Fuck, you're old.
假笑一下！掩饰下我受的伤害~~ Fake laugh. Hiding real pain.
去把不锈钢蛋蛋叫出来 Go get Silver Balls.
你们要去吃虫子？早起的鸟儿有虫吃？ You guys going for a bite? Early bird special?
虫子好像得日落之前吃 Oh, like there's something wrong
说不定还能吃一送一 with eating before sundown or saving money.
不是……还记得那个被你们放走的坏家伙吗？ No, you know that bad guy that you let go?
他把我的妞抓走了 He's got my girl.
你们得帮我把她救出来 You're gonna help me get her back.
韦德？是你吗？ Wade, is that you?
是，叫我死侍！ Yeah, it's me, Deadpool,
我会给你一个你不可能拒绝的条件！ and I got an offer that you can't refuse.
我在外面等你们，行吗？ I'm gonna wait out here, okay?
这是个大房子！ It's a big house.
搞笑的是我只看见了你们两个 It's funny that I only ever see two of you.
剧组真是穷的请不起X战警了 It's almost like the studio couldn't afford another X-Man.
……而这，就是为什么在我看来 And that is why, in my opinion...
《魔茧》纯粹就是个AV…… the movie Cocoon is pure pornography.
谁把这个亮晶晶的家伙带过来的？ Who brought this twinkly man?
亮晶晶?但是很致命的 Twinkly, but deadly.
后面这个我的不锈钢蛋蛋朋友 My chrome-penised friend back there
已经同意做我的同盟了 has agreed to do me this solid.
作为交换 In exchange,
我说我会考虑加入 I said that I would
他们的掏粪男孩天团 consider joining his boy band.
不是掏粪男孩 It's not boy band.
没错，不是 Sure it's not.
那么，有没有把吉塔追回来呢？ So, any luck winning Gita back?
我试过穷追不舍，死先生 I tried to hold on tight, Mr. Pool...
但是班杜实在是更善勾搭，还比我帅 but Bandhu is more craftier and handsomer than me.
其实我觉得你已经很可爱了 Well, I think you're pretty darn cute.
多平德？ Dopinder.
嗯？ Hmm?
那什么声音？ What was that?
呃…… Uh...
那是…… 班杜……在后备箱…… That was Bandhu in the trunk.
班谁？ Ban who?
我的情敌，班杜 My romantic rival Bandhu.
他在后备箱绑着呢 He's tied up in the trunk.
我是照你说的做的，小侍 I'm doing as you said, DP.
我准备把他肠子挖空然后做成印度烧烤 I plan to gut him like a tandoori fish,
接着扔到吉塔家的门口 then dump his carcass on Gita's doorstep.
我绝对没教他这么做！绝对没有！ I did not tell him to do that.
他肯定是没听清我说的什么！ Absolutely not. It got lost in translation.
多平德，这绝对不会帮你赢得吉塔的心！ Dopinder, this is no way to win Gita's heart back!
我真为你骄傲~~ I'm so proud of you.
把班杜平安礼貌的放回去 Drop Bandhu off, safe and gentle-like.
杀了他~~ Kill him.
然后，用你的男子气概 And then, win Gita back...
加经典求爱赢回她的心 the old fashioned way: with your boyish charm.
绑架她~~ Kidnap her.
他死定了 He's super dead.
哦呜！ Whoa!
我猜肯定是一个清脆的击掌？ I presume a crisp high five?
跟你？两个！ For you? 10.
好了，伙计们，让我们去大闹天宫吧！ Okay, guys, let's get out there and make a difference.
你知道该怎么办~~ You know what to do.
干翻他们，小侍侍！ Knock 'em dead, Pool Boy!
是时候给他妈的搅个天翻地覆了 Time to make the chimi-fuckin'-changas.
这不是常规意义上的一个坏蛋弄花了你的脸 Not often a dude ruins your face...
又摧残了你的意志，还抓了你孩他妈 skull-stomps your sanity, grabs your future baby mama...
然后还见证了你4、5个悲惨时刻 and personally sees to four of your five shittiest moments.
我们这样来个开场白好了：这看起来好像圣诞节啊！ Let's just say it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
嘿，你弹药包呢？ Hey. Where's your duffle bag?
班杜~~ Bandhu?
……留个言吧，祝你生活愉快…… Leave a message and have a happy day.
操他妈的！ God damn it!
我们用经典的战斗方式好了… I'm gonna do this the old fashioned way...
只用刀……再加小宇宙爆发 with two swords and maximum effort.
音乐走起 Cue the music.
韦德·威尔逊！ Wade Wilson!
我叫什么名字？！ What's my name?
噢~~我他妈会拼给你看的！ Oh, I'mma fuckin' spell it out for ya.
搞定他们 Go get some.
超级英雄出场 Superhero landing.
她要搞超级英雄出场了 She's gonna do a superhero landing.
等着看吧！ Wait for it.
哇哦！ Whoo!
超级英雄登场！ Superhero landing!
你知道不，这样对膝盖不太好 You know, that's really hard on your knees.
真的很不好，他们都是这样 Totally impractical. They all do it.
你是个很可爱的女生，但是我只想揍弗朗西斯 You're a lovely lady, but I'm saving myself for Francis.
这就是我为什么带他来 That's why I brought him.
我一般不打女生的，所以请…… I prefer not to hit a woman, so please...
我是说，这就是我为什么带【她】来？ I mean, that's why I brought her?
喔，不是吧，发完你的朋友圈吧…… Oh, no, finish your tweet. It's not... That's...
稍等几秒钟~~~ Just give us a second. Yeah.
好了，又加了个话题讨论 There you go. Hashtag it.
搞定她，小花猫~~ Go get her, tiger.
我真替在毕业舞会上强吻她的哥们心疼 Oh, I so pity the dude who pressures her into prom sex.
那好吧，开火！！ All right, then. Fire!
快点把她妈的给干掉！ Finish fucking her the fuck up!
别说脏话！ Language, please.
滚鸡巴蛋！ Suck a cock.
别看这边，屁孩 Look away, child.
别看这边！ Look away!
等等！ WADE: Wait!
等等！ Wait!
停止射击！ Cease fire!
伙计们，嘿！嘿！ Fellas! Hey! Hey!
你们竟然只单纯的为那个臭屁神经病卖命 You only work for that shit-spackled muppet fart.
那么，还是让我给你们一个 So, I'mma give you a chance
放下武器的机会吧 for y'all to lay down your firearms...
再给你们一个温柔、贤惠的…… in exchange for preferential, bordering on gentle...
甚至是……情人般的抱抱 possibly even lover-like treatment.
好吧 Fine.
受死吧！ Commando!
舔鸡鸡！ Teabag!
鲍勃？ Bob?
韦德？ Wade?
噢，老天，好久不见 Oh, my God, I haven't seen you since...
- 杰克逊维尔，星期五 - 那餐厅~美国星期五！ Jacksonville. Fridays. Since TGI Fridays.
搞毛线！ Well, what the hell!
老天！过来吧你 God, come here, you.
孩子怎么样？还好？ How are the kids? Good?
你老婆还在家里补那个金枪鱼砂锅？ And Gail, she still fixing that tuna casserole?
都很好~~ So good.
但是坏消息是…… But bad for the waistline,
如果你知道我在说什么 if you know what I'm talking about.
噢！ Oh!
你的……呃左边那个……你挺漂亮的…… Your... On the left. You are beautiful woman.
你好贴心啊！ That is so sweet.
呃… Uh...
谢谢！ Thanks.
呦吼！ Yoo-hoo!
他也给你留言了吗？ Does he write you notes too?
真他妈浪漫 He's such a romantic.
别担心宝贝，我来了！ Don't worry, baby. I'm comin'.
开火！ Fire!
嘿！ Hey!
爬上来 Climb on!
妈了逼的 Motherfucking...
这个傻逼真应该穿个棕裤子 Motherfucker should have worn his brown pants.
你说的对，亲爱的 You were right, beautiful.
红色真挺适合我的 Red really is my color.
韦德？ Wade?
别担心，宝贝 Don't worry, baby...
我会从那个破盒子里把你救出来的 I'mma get you out of that shit-box.
有什么办法能让我也进到你的心里吗？ What better way to crawl back inside that head of yours?
噢，你一直都没离开 Oh, you never left.
但你离开了，混蛋！ But you did, asshole!
啊，深呼吸，亲爱的 Ah, deep breath, darling.
不对…… Oh, wait.
我说错话了 Wrong choice of words.
希望你的神经全都被屏蔽了 I hope they blocked pain to your every last nerve.
因为我要看看你哪根还会疼！ 'Cause I'mma go lookin'!
我听说你的身体可以再生，韦德 I hear you grow back body parts now, Wade.
那砍碎你之后 When I'm finished...
剩下的东西还能不能长呢？ parts will have to grow back you.
有意思 Good one.
不错，这个我也想看看 Yep, that was a good one.
跳支舞吧 Let's dance.
我的意思是 And by dance, I mean...
咱俩可以互砍了 let's try to kill each other.
不错啊，赤膊战吧 Fine. Fists.
听上去很像你的最后一个奢靡之夜啊 Oh, sounds like your last Saturday night.
混蛋！ Asshole!
坚持住，宝贝 Hang in there, baby!
- 韦德！ - 抓到你了 Wade! I gotcha!
我有主意了，不过你可能不会喜欢 I got a plan. You're not gonna like it.
操了！操了！操了！ Shit! Shit! Shit!
别担心！我这不还挂在这呢吗 Don't worry. I'm totally on top of this.
啊！日了！ Ah! Damn it!
小宇宙爆发吧！！ Maximum effort!
谢谢 Thanks.
别着急，慢慢来 Just take it slow.
呀吼！ Yoo-hoo!
噢，天哪，我太帅…… Oh, my God! That was so...
不跟你废话了！ There are no words!
我跟你 得去把这张脸好好修一修！ Me and you are headed to fix this butterface.
什么？ What?
你他妈真是个傻逼 You stupid fucking idiot.
你真以为这还有的治啊，傻吗？ Did you really think there was a cure... for that?
什么？ What?
你听见了 You heard me.
不 No.
不！ No!
所以，你是说…… So, you mean to say...
经历了这么多，你还是不能治好我？ after all this, you can't fix me?
你说这话的时候感觉更傻逼 It sounds even stupider when you say it.
你是那种我留给他机会活命 Like the kind of stupid who admits
他却做不到的那种傻逼吗？ he can't do the one thing I'm keeping him alive for?
还有什么遗言？ Any last words?
我叫什么名字？ What's my name?
谁他妈关心啊！ Who fucking cares?
韦德！ Wade!
4、5个瞬间 Four or five moments.
你说什么？ I'm sorry?
你有4、5个瞬间，去理解真谛…… Four or five moments, that's all it takes.
去……？ To?
做个英雄 Be a hero.
每个人都觉得那是个全职工作 Everyone thinks it's a full-time job.
起床时是个英雄 刷牙的时候也是个英雄 Wake up a hero, brush your teeth a hero,
当英雄就是上班 go to work a hero.
不是这样的 Not true.
一生之中，也许只有4、5个瞬间 Over a lifetime, there are only four or five moments
是事关重大的 that really matter.
也是你面临选择的瞬间 Moments when you're offered a choice.
是要你做出牺牲、修补一个缺点、 To make a sacrifice, conquer a flaw,
拯救一个朋友…… save a friend...
以及赦免一个敌人 spare an enemy.
在这些瞬间 In these moments...
什么都是不重要的 everything else falls away.
重要的是这个世界在看着我们 The way the world sees us.
我们要…… The way we...
为什么 Why?
你很烦人啊~~ You were droning on.
对，我也许一辈子都会是这张看上去都恶心的脸 Sure, I may be stuck looking like pepperoni flatbread...
至少他这张傻逼脸再也他妈的看不见了 but at least fuckface won't heal from that.
但一旦穿上超级英雄制服 If wearing superhero tights...
也许就不能杀这个变态狂了 means sparing psychopaths...
这是我为什么不愿意做超级英雄了 then maybe I wasn't meant to wear 'em.
不是所有人都像你一样有着铁石心肠 Not everyone monitors a hall like you.
你得发誓！ Just promise...
好，好…你就记着我以后的… Yeah, yeah, I'll be on the lookout
4个瞬间吧… for the next four moments.
糟了… Oh, shit.
现在打扰一下 Now, if you'll excuse me,
我只不过是一个男孩 I'm just a boy,
站在心爱的女孩的面前 about to stand in front of a girl...
然后跟她说…… and tell her...
我他妈该怎么跟她说？！ What the fuck am I gonna tell her?
那……你最好自己想办法 Well, hmm, you better figure it out.
我一直没能告诉你…… I can't even tell you...
我该打……这下也该 I deserved that. That, too.
不不不，这儿不能打…… No, no, no, maybe not the nethers.
继续说！ Start talking!
对不起 I'm sorry.
我真的很抱歉 I'm so sorry.
对不起我那天不辞而别 For everything, I'm sorry for leaving...
很抱歉我不能早点跟你见面…… I'm sorry for not cowboying up sooner.
这是比较难熬的几年 It's been rough couple of years.
难熬？ Rough?
我在一个吸毒窝点落脚 I live in a crackhouse.
还住着另外一家12口…… With a family of 12.
我们每天晚上都抱着睡觉 Every night we spoon for warmth.
都要缠着诺伊尔，因为她最胖 Everybody fights for Noelle. She's the fattest.
在那里我们什么都是共用的 There's nothing that we don't share.
睡的地方、牙线，甚至是避孕套 Floor space, dental floss, even condoms.
那么你还是有房子住的？ So, you live in a house.
我真希望能快点来见你 I should have come and found you sooner.
但面具下的这幅面孔 But, baby, the guy under this mask,
跟你记忆中的是完全不同的 he ain't the same one that you remember.
这面具是你做的？ You mean this mask?
还有这一个 And this one.
这是以防那个掉下来的 In case the other fell off.
呃…那个…啊噢… All right. Yeah, just... Ow.
就像个创可贴……只是…… Like a Band-Aid, just give it a...
啊噢…我勒个去… Owdie 5,000.
等等等一下 Wait, wait, wait...
你确定？ Are you sure?
我确定 I'm sure.
哇哦 Wow.
是啊 Yeah.
嘿 Hey.
估计等我适应适应 After a brief adjustment period...
再多喝点酒的话 and a bunch of drinks...
这不过是一张…… it's a face...
我很乐意坐在上面的脸而已~~ I'd be happy to sit on.
但是我这战服下面还有样东西也不一样了 I'm not the same underneath this suit, either.
不 No.
一根超级大香肠~ Super-penis.
拜托，韦德，说话注意点 COLOSSUS: Come on, Wade. Language.
这里还有个未成年呢 Young one is present.
你们怎么……还在这？ What are you still doing?
赶紧走，找点事干去吧！ Get out of here. Go make yourself useful!
你，去给别人当一个真正的大哥吧 You, go be a really big brother to someone.
还有告诉野兽别老在我草坪上大便 Tell Beast to stop shitting on my lawn.
还有你，小笨蛋 And you, chicken noodle...
《没有什么比得上你》 Nothing compares to you.
辛妮奥康娜，1990年的歌，抱歉 Sinead O'Connor, 1990. Sorry.
没关系的，你挺酷 That's all right. You're cool.
你屌毛会错意了吧？ What in the ass?
我不是那意思！我是为你感到骄傲！ That was not mean. I'm proud of you!
我们会把你培养成X战警的，韦德 We will make an X-Man of you yet, Wade.
你知道吗，刚才那一会儿 You know,for a second there
我感觉我们是3个小狮子机器人 it felt like we were three mini-lion robots...
然后组成了一个超级机器人 coming together to form one super robot.
想法真蠢 There's a stupid.
耶~ Yeah.
现在呢，就是我等了很久的时刻了 And now, for the moment I've all been waiting for.
过来吧 Come here.
威猛！我承诺过的 Wham! As promised.
看见了吧 See?
你不需要为了把妹而去当超级英雄 You don't need to be a superhero to get the girl.
而是合适的女孩会唤醒你心中的英雄 The right girl will bring out the hero in you.
现在，让我们拍完这个史诗级的广角镜头，拉出… Now, let's finish this epic wide shot. Pull out.
就是这样 看上去不错 There we go, that looks nice.
不过这不是今天晚上唯一个 That's gonna be about the only thing
要做的“推拉”的动作 that's pulling out tonight.
谁不喜欢圆满的结局呢，你说？ Who doesn't love a happy ending, huh?
到下集之前 'Til next time, this is
萦绕在你耳边的将会是这首歌…… your friendly neighborhood pool guy singin'...
§ 如果不能与你共舞 § I'm never gonna dance again
§ 那么我就与舞隔绝 § The way I danced with you
一名童鞋 倾情奉献
你们还没走 You're still here?
结束了！回家吧！ It's over. Go home.
噢，你们还在期待《死侍2》呢 Oh, you're expecting a teaser for Deadpool 2.
可惜我们没钱拍了 Well, we don't have that kind of money.
那你们还等什么呢？山姆杰克逊登场？ What are you expecting? Sam Jackson to show up?
还带个眼罩？穿着皮大衣？ With an eye patch and a saucy little leather number?
走吧，走吧 Go. Go.
喔！ Oh.
不过有件小秘密我可以告诉你们 But I can tell you one thing, and it's a bit of a secret.
在续集里，电索会出场 For the sequel, we're gonna have Cable.
性格棒棒的哦 他有机械手臂，还能时空穿梭 Amazing character. Bionic arm, time travel.
不过还不知道谁来演 We have no idea who we're gonna cast yet,
但是任何人都有可能的 but it could be anybody.
只要是个平头大汉就好哦 Just need a big guy with a flat top.
也许是梅尔·吉布森、多尔夫·隆格伦 Could be Mel Gibson, Dolph Lundgren...
或者凯拉·奈特利 不过她还得剃头，谁知道呢？ Keira Knightley. She's got range. Who knows.
总之啦，这是个秘密 Anyway, big secret. Shh...
还有别把垃圾仍在座位上 Oh, and don't leave your garbage all lying around.
那是野蛮人的举动 It's a total dick move.
走吧 Go.
在以往的 X 战警电影中，LOGO 中的 X 都是最后消失的
但在这里却没有 可能意味着片方没有将本片当作 X 战警电影看待
杯子上的 Rob L 是在向死侍的作者Rob Liefeld致敬
片头字幕是死侍在以文字的形式打破第四面墙与观众对话
《人物》杂志2010年将瑞恩·雷诺兹评选为“最性感男神”。休·杰克曼也曾在2008年获此荣誉，暗指死侍自诩强于金刚狼
看到绿灯侠了吗？本片首次调侃主角演过绿灯侠，而且绿灯侠还是对手DC的~~~
Hello Kitty唇膏，死侍电影的官方推特唯一关注的对象就是Hello Kitty
制片在开拍前临时缩减了700万美金的预算，在这儿骂句傻叉已经算是很轻了……
调侃导演第一次执导长片，导演自己也在访谈中说完全不知道自己在干嘛……
妈妈囧：Mama June，电视节目《美国真人骚》名星，很胖。
《探险时光》手表……死侍跟钢铁侠一样爱卡通手表……
死侍是漫威角色中唯一一个知道自己是个漫画人物的家伙，总以旁白身份吐槽，甚至打破第四面墙直接与读者对话
这个词以前被用来形容克莱斯勒豪华车上的皮革内饰
此处出现了一小段蝙蝠侠影集的开头音乐，没错，DC的蝙蝠侠~~
指让人“口”的时候从不这么说……
右边路标看到了吗？帕克大道！蜘蛛侠的姓，死侍仍然念念不忘他最爱的小蜘蛛~
暗指他会拉裤子
人格分裂，死侍有多重人格分裂，总爱进行人格间对话
人格间对话
两年前
韦德在别人家叫了披萨，这段是照搬2009年死侍第十集漫画的桥段，也是凤梨橄榄味
吐槽他的裤子太花
可以看到披萨店的名字是Feige's，这其实是漫威电影总监的姓氏
这个莱斐德就是前文提到的死侍作者，本色客串~
这段杀人的叙述基本上是直接套用，他在《金刚狼》里饰演死侍时的台词
美国星期五餐厅：其名取自于英文词句TGIF，“感谢上帝，今天是星期五”之意。
哈库那马他他：斯瓦西里语“不用担心”或“没有问题”，被《狮子王》中丁满和彭彭的插曲广泛传播
吐槽他们是在电影里而不是现实中
饰演温妮萨的这个演员其实经常跟DC合作，《闪电侠》、《哥谭市》等都有声优或者配角出演，但是就是没上过漫威的名单，这次是她首次步入漫威宇宙
1977年星球大战四部曲时，名字并不是《星球大战1234》，只是《星球大战》、《帝国反击战》之类的，没有“星战”前缀
蜘蛛侠就是被辐射的蜘蛛咬过才变蜘蛛侠的，瑞恩·雷诺兹也曾出现在漫画对话中，就是牵着一条沙皮狗
《金刚狼》版被缝了嘴的死侍公仔，瑞恩·雷诺兹估计砸烂这玩意的心都有了
伯娜黛特·皮特丝：百老汇一姐
名片上的电话：555-0199，555-0100到0199是专门留给虚构故事使用的号码段
无敌特工：原文是“史密斯特工”，韦德在用《黑客帝国》里的史密斯特工黑这个西装男
连姆尼森之前演过一部电影就叫《The Dead Pool》~~~
说的是《X战警》和《复仇者联盟》
吐槽X战警和复联的头头都是残疾
模仿美队丢盾牌……
吐槽X战警电影一老一少两个版本的X教授~~~
《机械战警》经典台词……
《127小时》主角是砍手逃生的……
第二次调侃自己演过的《绿灯侠》
布鲁斯、斯科特：绿巨人和蝙蝠侠都叫布鲁斯，镭射眼和蚁人都叫斯科特……
暗指在《金刚狼》里把他的嘴缝起来之后他暴走了……
意思是“我要暴走了！”
夜魔瞎：很明显是在玩夜魔侠的梗~~~
这是在拿美国队长开玩笑啦~~~
这段 Rap 背景音乐是死侍游戏上市时一个粉丝 YouTube 频道 Teamheadkic 自制的
之前还有人发推说能用到电影中就好了，现在被收录到了电影中，算是梦想成真了！
在黑贝克汉姆长的帅但是声音难听……
自嘲自己只是个靠脸吃饭的
意思是形容OOXX的场景
斯坦李又出来客串了，他在漫威创作了超多漫画角色，相继客串了大部分漫威电影
这里就是片头提到的休杰克曼也曾获得的《人物》杂志评选的“性感男神”称号
《异形3》是1992年的电影，被人骂老也正常……
《教父》经典台词
又吐槽剧组经费少……
很明显这是钢铁侠的出场方式……
“Go，get her tiger”是蜘蛛侠女友常说的台词，死侍不仅惦记小蜘蛛，还念念不忘人家女友……
漫画中的鲍勃本是九头蛇的手下，遇见死侍后就成了他的跟班，常常帮死侍把断掉的头装回去之类的……
死侍把地上的尸体拼成了‘弗朗西斯’
暗示会把他大便打出来
套用《诺丁山》台词
这里其实是韦德在为之前形容黑后长的像辛妮奥康娜而道歉，辛妮奥康娜是爱尔兰光头歌手
而黑后理解为韦德还在讽刺她的造型是光头
之前韦德承诺要外放《Careless Whisper》给她听
威猛乐队《使其出名》专辑歌曲：Careless Whisper
片尾彩蛋是在致敬另一部电影《春天不是读书天》（1986），基本上是照搬的……
山姆杰克逊：《复仇者联盟》里神盾局局长饰演者
电索：漫威漫画中的超级英雄，与死侍渊源颇深
一名童鞋 倾情奉献
特别鸣谢 YouTube Channel：超粒方